Anyone fancy reading a script I wrote?

SuperMan said:
And peon you not find the whole pink tennis racket bit funny? Made me chuckle.
Click to expand...

Alas nope :( If it was being acted out then yes I can imagine it being quite amusing.

I think I'd say this --> If it's going to be a comedy, cut out the swearing. If you watch most comedies or funny sketches there isn't any (or at most very little - excluding South Park of course :p). Swearing changes the mood too much and makes it too dark, even if it is a black comedy.

- Pea0n
 
Vanquish-Storm said:
dont think i ever got a copy?
Click to expand...

sorry mate, I've sent one to everyone whose address I've got, try again if you want and put your username in the message and I'll send another one.

Cheers

Pea0n said:
Alas nope :( If it was being acted out then yes I can imagine it being quite amusing.

I think I'd say this --> If it's going to be a comedy, cut out the swearing. If you watch most comedies or funny sketches there isn't any (or at most very little - excluding South Park of course :p). Swearing changes the mood too much and makes it too dark, even if it is a black comedy.

- Pea0n
Click to expand...

yeah we were worried about the swearing, one of the first pieces of feedback we got was to definitely leave the swearing in, as it removes the authenticity of it far too much.

If you look at some shows, particularly American ones that are on channels that don't allow swearing there is always something missing. If anyone has seen the show preceding The Wire, Homicide on the Streets or something it's called, there is no swearing (past anything mild) in that and it has nothing on The Wire, obviously not just that though.

And also, you're wrong about the swearing in other shows, if you look at almost anything past around 2005 that is intended to be a comedy, swearing is rife, The Inbetweeners and Peep Show I'd say are the UK's two biggest shows in the past couple of years and the crudeness in ours doesn't compare to that in the Inbetweeners, if you've seen some of their 3rd series, even I was disgusted by that.

And I doubt our swearing is all that much more pronounced than in Peep Show.

I'd go so far as to say that the majority of British comedies in the past few years have more swearing in that not. Something like Nathan Barley had a white guy calling people the n word as well.

To be fair I had weighed up leaving the swearing out, but then the BBC and someone from a soap told me to definitely leave it in. You're the first person I've come across who said we should leave it out.
 
I'll take a look for you - email in trust.

I wrote a script about 5 years ago which I was going to send off to BBC young comedy writers, but I was never completely happy with it and kept re-writing. Then re-writing. And then re-writing some more.

Every time I catch a passing glimpse of 2 pints of lager, or coming of age all I think is... I really could do better than this :)
 
Spunkey said:
I'll take a look for you - email in trust.

I wrote a script about 5 years ago which I was going to send off to BBC young comedy writers, but I was never completely happy with it and kept re-writing. Then re-writing. And then re-writing some more.

Every time I catch a passing glimpse of 2 pints of lager, or coming of age all I think is... I really could do better than this :)
Click to expand...

your email isn't there mate, have to send me one and I'll get it off,.

I know what you're saying, writing has always been my ambition, my dad did it for a while, the BBC produced a radio play he wrote in about 1988.

The rewriting thing is a bit of a dilemma. I've done science my entire education (degree in Engineering, stupidly) and I'm used to getting to an end, right this is the right answer, you can't be any more correct, 2 and 2 is always 4, there is no nicer, or more direct way to get there so I really struggled for a while with being satisfied with it.

I had an abstract version in my head that I never thought I'd be able to express properly, but then with rewriting constantly I honestly believe this is what I had in my mind's eye, it's taken almost 2 years, at least 7 months of constant work but it's there now.

I realise now that it's impossible to write like this from the start, not because I'm a genius or anything, or that it's even good, but you have to start with the truly awful, what doesn't make sense, and then refine, and refine until you get somewhere proper.

I know this is most likely to fail, but I know that the next thing we write (and we already have the next idea) should be awful for a long while, that isn't the point, the point is to get it on the page and then go from there. This is the 7th draft, I'm hoping that the 8th will be a shooting script.
 
anksta said:
yeah we were worried about the swearing, one of the first pieces of feedback we got was to definitely leave the swearing in, as it removes the authenticity of it far too much.

If you look at some shows, particularly American ones that are on channels that don't allow swearing there is always something missing. If anyone has seen the show preceding The Wire, Homicide on the Streets or something it's called, there is no swearing (past anything mild) in that and it has nothing on The Wire, obviously not just that though.

And also, you're wrong about the swearing in other shows, if you look at almost anything past around 2005 that is intended to be a comedy, swearing is rife, The Inbetweeners and Peep Show I'd say are the UK's two biggest shows in the past couple of years and the crudeness in ours doesn't compare to that in the Inbetweeners, if you've seen some of their 3rd series, even I was disgusted by that.

And I doubt our swearing is all that much more pronounced than in Peep Show.

I'd go so far as to say that the majority of British comedies in the past few years have more swearing in that not. Something like Nathan Barley had a white guy calling people the n word as well.

To be fair I had weighed up leaving the swearing out, but then the BBC and someone from a soap told me to definitely leave it in. You're the first person I've come across who said we should leave it out.
Click to expand...

Fair enough, just my opinion even if it's different and I don't think I'm wrong :) Although there is swearing in those two shows (of many) it isn't as bad as in your script. Frequency of swearing and the coarseness of it are different too, yours is quite coarse.

At the end of the day if the BBC say leave it in and they are producing it then do as they want.

- Pea0n
 
Doctor McNinja said:
anksta, I'd love to give it a read if you'd be so kind to send me a copy (email in trust).
Click to expand...

nydryl said:
Email in trust if you want another set of eyes to proof read it.
Click to expand...

Castiel said:
I will give it a read if you like, email is in trust.
Click to expand...

no emails in any of these trusts guys


ZuG said:
I will read it for you!
Click to expand...

sent mate

I don't mind sending it out to more people but not a lot have got back to me so if you do read it can you let me know what you thought please?

Doesn't have to pages of critique, just whether you thought it was any good will be fine.

Thanks
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom