Apparently I'm in the wrong

  • Thread starter Thread starter Sparky__H
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Sparky__H

Sparky__H

So I've reached an age where I hope that my reactions to situations are at least informed but this has completely buggered my brain.

Background:

The best friend of a girl I know was with a possessive, abusive idiot who regularly cheated on her while she did nothing. Yes that type of girl. They would regularly break up but she would always take him back.
You guess the next bit, she's a cracker and he's a complete moron.

My shock horror to find yesterday he had cheated again and she had dumped him... Again. Whoopee.

The Present:

He has just come round and trashed the house. Glass and broken mirror everywhere. OK that's bad I'll offer some sympathy.

This is the point where I went wrong. I can't figure it out.

My first mistake was to ask why she let him in. Apparently she didn't know what to do. Not open the door was the wrong answer.

My second mistake was to ask why she didn't call the police where he was doing all this. Apparently she was shocked and frightened. OK that's fine.

So it comes to my advice: Don't touch a bloody thing, call the police. Makes sense right? Nope. They have already begun tidying up and she won't tell the police anything.

I asked why she rang her first rather then call the police. The answer is she would just lie and say she was there just after it happened. if it came to talking to the police.I pointed out how this is a bad thing but I'm wrong again.

He's come back around again since this happened. Calling the police is still not an option.

My final mistake was to say she's an idiot and I don't want to hear about her any more. This got me some very stroppy abuse.

If at my age my reactions to situations like this are so wrong how the hell can I expect to survive in this world.

Sorry about this but I needed to vent.
 
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I would still call the police or at least ask to speak to the local domestic violence unit and put them in the picture which you can do anonymously.

Many a female has ended up injured or worse by the actions of such men.
 
You're in the right, but you might as well bang your head against a wall for all the good explaining it's gonna do. She's so far gone in her own perception of the situation that nothing you say to her will change her mind - perhaps her best friend, your friend, can get through to her, but you can do nothing more. Never raise the situation again, and refuse to talk about her if your friend brings her up in conversation.
 
You were in the right, maybe you could have found a better way to call her an idiot but it is what it is. If she forgives him when he beats the hell out of her, i'm sure she'll forgive you. Does she have any parents or other friends you can speak to for her that may be able to talk to her on a different level ?
 
Serenityxo said:
Women.
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This, dont get involved in other peoples domestics,

A unless he is hitting her they wont do anything anyway.
B its none of your business.

I once walked into town at around 5pm on a week day to go and vote in the local elections, on the other side of the street a couple were literally kicking the **** out of each other, screaming, slapping, tearing their clothes crying etc etc.
In the 5 minutes it took me and the ex to vote, they had gone from that, to hugging in eatch other in the middle of the street and bawling about how sorry they were to each other.

Do not get involved.
 
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Welcome to the world of some women, there's absolutely nothing you can do or say until she wakes up to the fact he's a complete **** who will never change. Until that point you just have to hope he doesn't do her any serious damage.
 
Von Smallhausen said:
I would still call the police or at least ask to speak to the local domestic violence unit and put them in the picture which you can do anonymously.
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This, tell her you're happy to be friends but if she speaks to you about this and continues to be unwilling to do anything about it you'll call the police for her regardless of if she wants you to or not.
 
It's quite common for women to be sucked into the domestic-abuse spiral you're painting here.

Call the police for her. She's down the rabbit-hole.
 
I used to judge women who were with abusive men saying how stupid they were and questioning why they didnt just walk away. That was until I was in one myself.

You are in the right and if I was ever in the situation like this girl then I wouldn't have let him in and would've called the police straight away. The problem is you could try and make her see sense until you're blue in the face but she has to see it herself.
I was very young, naive and in a bad place that I didn't tell anyone what was going on so at least this girl is making the right step in telling people.

All your friend can really do is continue to support her and try to get her to contact the police. Even if she has tidied up they can still be made aware of the situation and depending on how helpful they are give the guy a warning. It would at least be classed as harassment.
 
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Von Smallhausen said:
I would still call the police or at least ask to speak to the local domestic violence unit and put them in the picture which you can do anonymously.

Many a female has ended up injured or worse by the actions of such men.
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is that first part wise? I know in principal yes it is cos no one should be put through abuse but regarding with what has happened with the OP is it too soon and he'll get it in the ear or worse from his mates girl / bf since he's already had a mouthful for suggesting calling the police.
 
Sparky__H said:
My final mistake was to say she's an idiot and I don't want to hear about her any more. This got me some very stroppy abuse.

If at my age my reactions to situations like this are so wrong how the hell can I expect to survive in this world.
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I'd say you were 100% right to say she's stupid and to say you don't want to hear about it anymore.

Whats the point in giving your advice over and over if nobody is ever going to listen to it?

Sod her. Pity the fool who is too stubborn and/or afraid to sort their problems out with the correct guidance.

This sort of thing they would get an injunction order for almost immediately.
 
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