Asking someone where they are from

Lysander

Lysander

Lysander

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It seems that a member of the Palace has resigned having repeatedly asked a founder of a black charity where she was "really from" and that the comments were deemed unacceptable.

I posit that the issue comes in the way in which the question was asked and that Ngozi Fulani felt "interrogated" by the palace staff member.

As far as I see it, asking someone "where they are from" is not the right question, but asking about their ethnicity is better, or where their parents lived before they came to the UK.

This is how it apparently went:

But after the event, Ms Fulani described her conversation on Twitter, where she was challenged by a royal aide to explain where she was from.
She recounted how she said: "We're based in Hackney," and the aide replied: "No, what part of Africa are you from?"
She said: "I don't know, they didn't leave any records", and the Palace member responded: "Well you must know where you're from, I spent time in France. Where are you from?"
"Here, UK"
"No, but what nationality are you?"
"I am born here and am British."
"No, but where do you really come from, where do your people come from?"
Click to expand...

Now this is clearly just hearsay, but asking someone "where are your people from" is not necessarily offensive [I use the word "necessarily" since offense is taken, not given]. I know plenty of Nigerians who proudly talk about their "tribe" abroad. I think that Ngozi just took issue with this woman and her insistence and her turn of phrase, which is fair enough.

What are your thoughts on this situation, GD?

www.bbc.co.uk

Lady Susan Hussey quits over remarks to charity boss Ngozi Fulani

A palace aide steps down over remarks made to Ngozi Fulani at a reception hosted by the Queen Consort.
www.bbc.co.uk
 
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If you ask someone where they are from you accept their response.
sometimes I have questioned it if someone says they are from somewhere but speak very differently, e.g if someone says they are from London but speak with a thick scouse accent.
 
Without having an actual recording of the full interaction or at least an account by the aide it's hard to judge the specifics of that conversation. If it actually happened as reported then it does sound very rude to me, and probably a good thing they have resigned - staying would only bring the royal family negative attention and even if they didn't mean anything by it, it doesn't seem like they have the right demeanour.

I don't see anything particularly wrong with asking someone where they're from as a general question, but if they give an answer it's rude to treat it like an interrogation. Going straight for a 'where are your family from' question as part of your first interaction with someone and it hasn't naturally come up in conversation comes off as very prying too.

Edit: odd the news is saying they haven't named the person involved, because on twitter she's said it was 'Lady SH', which I think everyone understands to be Lady Susan Hussey.
 
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It's another example of how people think society should fit around them.

Most people seem to be either overly sensitive or clumsy. I get asked questions about my disability. If the person isn't trying to be offensive then I am polite back. It seems this woman decided to instead of just answer the question she thought the woman was asking her, decided to make an issue of it.
 
Is a tricky one without more information and the demeanour involved. Could be an innocent conversation which snowballed due to misunderstandings, someone socially inept or on the spectrum mixing limited social skill with a need to know the answer or it could be someone being a jerk.

Personally it is a topic I won't press on - my gran once asked a waitress at a restaurant where she was from as she was curious about the accent and after clarifying she was asking what country after getting a nearby town as the answer the girl got very upset - turns out she was from Bulgaria and was having immigration issues.
 
jpaul said:
Exactly should have answered the question the palace attendee was really asking.

Meghan will be pleased, plays into the palace racist monika, can Musk moderate this kind of twitter content.
Click to expand...

Wasn't Megs on the front page again today?

Yes, she was;

www.bbc.co.uk

Duchess of Sussex: Meghan faced very real threats, says Met chief

The Duchess of Sussex faced disgusting threats while a serving royal, an outgoing Met Police boss says.
www.bbc.co.uk

Coincidence? You decide!
 
I've just seen the womans website. She seems to tell her background story really well.

It's a shame she chose this one time to not expand on her first answer.
 
I mean, that conversation was odd to say the least.

She already said she didn't know, and that she was born in the UK. Why continue to press the matter in a fairly rude manner?

What if she was born in the UK and adopted and just genuinely doesn't know her ancestry?
 
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Taken from a previous newspaper article,

"One of seven children, Fulani, grew up in Kilburn, north London in the 60s. Her parents, born in Barbados, were among the Windrush generation and were proud to be the first family on their street to own their own home. But discrimination was a feature of life".

Someone let Lady SH know that her parents were from Barbados :)
 
As a foreigner, I have never been bothered when asked where I'm originally from, in fact I know it's a 'sensitive' subject sometimes, however the way it's been asked '.. Really from..' plus asking so many times... Suggests to me that there were other motives behind the question.
 
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