Becoming more talkative

Jambo · 25 Jan 2011 at 14:52

Deadbeat said:
That site is brilliant! I highly recommend people check out the bus stop conversation.

That is a lesson in small talk but I think this is more about a getting to know you style conversation.

Personally, I am better with this than I used to be. I think the key is not to be scared to ask questions. That is what held me back previously. I also think I might have held back on saying stuff about me where I thought the person might have thought I was a bit weird or something. Now I like to say things that the person might find weird as it usually either creates a decent conversation or more often the person will not find it weird at all and identify with it.

Overall I think it's just about not being shy or scared to be yourself.

[J.D.C] · 25 Jan 2011 at 14:56

If it's a woman, provided they are actually not boring as hell, then as people have said already, ask them stuff about themselves. Cue at least a 45 minute conversation.

With lads, it's different. Usually much of the chat is rubbish banter in my experience.

Sp00n · 25 Jan 2011 at 15:09

Nothing wrong with banter.

randomshenans · 25 Jan 2011 at 15:19

Hxc said:
I rely on self-deprecating humor and vast quantities of sarcasm.

Amen.

zootfloot · 25 Jan 2011 at 15:26

I dont usually get past the introductions part.

The wife on the other hand is a world class socialiser, she can and does talk to absolutely anyone about anything at all.

regulus · 25 Jan 2011 at 16:01

Have no issues talking to anyone for how long ever. Probably the contractor (i work as) spirit in me that has perfected small talk to an art. I have to sell myself and some of the skills just rubbed off.

However, if the person has no impact on my life and not very interesting, I'll just ignore.

Amp34 · 25 Jan 2011 at 17:30

.Ox. said:
Just talk about whatever you want to. But make sure you talk about her. What She likes etc.

Alcohol is definitely a savior for people in these positions, but if you can do it without it then you're sorted, especially if she has been drinking haha.

I find it reasonably easy once you start talking, problem is when you stop (say they go for a drink or you seperate and then join up again) it's the restarting that's the problem. That's when the good joke or off hand comment about them/you comes in handy, if you can think of something...

Beasty said:
I am in the same boat as you, OP, I'm terrible with people I don't really know, I would though, consider myself socially inept and socially anxious, some people are harder to talk to than others, perhaps those in the same boat as me. So thanks for the serious tips in this thread.

Have you ever put yourself in a situation where you are totally "alone" and away from anyone you know, say a trip to somewhere you've never been, on your own? If so what do you do? If you haven't then you should definately try it, you may suprise yourself.

Scam · 25 Jan 2011 at 17:37

Sp00n said:
Ah you're from SA, that explains a lot

Made me laugh

Anyway, the trick to small talk is to ask questions. If you're just 'chatting' without asking any questions then what you're doing will soon turn into a monologue. Are you a standup comedian? Thought not, so no wonder you find it hard.

As dull as the questions might be (i.e. 'so, what do you do?') they will eventually lead to some common ground. Such as place of work, industry, holidays.. whatever. When you're being asked questions the trick is to not give brief answers and not ask anything back. You'll get awkward silences like this for example..

"So, what do you do?"
"I'm an IT developer."
*silence*

The important bit is the reciprocation...