just found this thread ...didnt realise it got this deep on this site
i was in a 9 year relationship . we married and but i left 11 months into our first year as a married couple . it was both our faults as we wouldnt communicate our feelings if something was bothering us . we'd go literally weeks wittout talking or being in the same bed. i'd sleep on the couch.
the stress of it all finally got to me one day and i had a massive panic attack ( thought i was dying ass my heart rate and breathing completly went ) . i spent 24 hours in hospital . she didn't even check to see how i was ( it was another bought of silence ) .
i'm impulsive at times and do things i regret... as soon as i got home i cancelled our benefits calim and left the house 2 days later . she didnt try to stop me .
the problem was i still loved her to bit and within weeks i was trying to get us to talk . the one thing i never did was go up the house to confront her, which my mates and even her oldest son said i should have done. she started divorce predeedings , then out of nowhere she contacted me in december.
we started seeing each other again, had dates, we even spent new years eve in a hotel for an intimate night. everything seemed ok ( although i hadnt moved back in ), january was going fine but then gradually i wouldnt be hearing from her that much and it seemed i was making all the effort.
febuary came ... we exchanged presents and card valantines day, but still days sometimes of no contact . then i had to go for a brainscan.... i was very worried about this and told her in a message a week before i was do to go in... she didnt check up to see how i was during this time. the morning of the scan i lost it and sent a message saying i wanted to end the relationship ( again ) and carry on the divorce. her response "ive been looking for my phone all morning,hope it goes ok" this was 9am .
nothing about me ending it...zip . all contact stopped from her after that..... but again i was impulsive...i still loved her....i'm not sure what happened...she did have quite a few deaths with friends in jan so maybe that affect her with me....but i didnt know.
no matter what ive tried she blanks me.... to the point where her solicitor has said she definately doesnt want anymore contact
took me months to get my head semi ok.. the joy in december ... turning to anguish again... last 4 months have been hard again ... last week toppped it off when i was told she is seeing someone else. i wasnt prepared for how much it hit me....very bad
and friday i saw he in a bar . first time ive seen her out at night for months ( although i do see her out shopping now and again ) . we both saw each other but neither of us approached. i just didnt have the courage , same when i see her shopping .....i want to but cant
that night i got very depressed , spent all night out, had dark thoughts. walked a long way and sat in a layby wanting it all to end. i walked so far my legs still hurt lol .
why did she bother and then seem distant ? when we were seeign each other again i asked about moving back in ... but i kept getting "i need time" and "its not you,its me"
maybe i rushed here,maybe the death of friends affected her... its just i loved her so much i got impatient...
divorce will be through in 2 months or so....but it will be hard to shut her out or my head for a while .. i really do miss her
sorry for the long post, i needed to get this off my chest
