Best man request.. not sure I'm up to it.

Bigsy

Bigsy

Bigsy

Soldato
Joined
17 Oct 2002
Posts
4,308
Location
Bristol
Not usually one to turn to the interwebs for life advice but this one is stressing me out big time.

Very good friend phoned me the other night, he didnt realise I was away with work in a different country so it was very late and I was half a sleep. When he asked If I would be his best man I was in shock really as I fully expected him to go with someone else and didn't answer straight away, I explained I was half a sleep and he told me that was cool and we would speak when I was back in the country.

Since then it's all I can think about, I'm honored he asked me really I am, I want to be able to do do this, I'm am totally confident I could handle all the organising/stag do etc. Trouble is it's going to be a big do and I'm paralytically scared of public speaking always have been and have bad experiences with it in the past. In fact I'm already so frightened by it I do wonder if I might completely bottle it on the day, not to mention this will stress me for the whole 9 months leading up to it.

I know to many people I'm just being silly and everyone gets nerves especially when public speaking and I probably expect reply's along the lines of "get over yourself its his big day" etc, but I have real issues with this and I just couldn't live with myself if I messed up his big day, conversely how can I say I think some else would do a better job? I'm not sure I can.... Its making me feel sick with worry.
 
It might be an idea to see some kind of therapist that can help you overcome your difficulties with speaking in public, or perhaps challenging yourself to recite something in front of family/friends and gradually build up the numbers until you're performing in front of a bigger crowd.

I've never been in this situation, but no doubt we have plenty of guys on OcUK that can relate to this :)
 
A speech in front of friends and family is something that everyone feels nervous about, but at the end of the day its just standing up and talking, which anyone can do. Maybe you should use this as a good opportunity to learn to overcome your phobia.
 
If my 16 year old brother can do the best man speech at my wedding, and it was the best best mans speech I've seen, then anyone can :)

especially looking back on the video and he tells everyone I as going to Bangor all week for the honeymoon (bang her) :D

You'll be fine, its 5 mins max, tell some generic funny jokes from a website, a personal story or two and it'll be easy :D

Also, don't bring up things like prison time that people may not know about! Fastest way to end a wedding :D
 
Normal reation for most people m8,

I used to still get nervous after a few years of doing company inductions and training to large groups of people. Have a small strong drink and try to talk confidence into yourself before the big moment.

Try watching that new movie "the King's speech" mght give you inspiration :)

Good luck, i'm sure it will go well if you put a bit of effort into your preparation..
 
If it causes so much stress then just say sorry you can't for whatever reason, too many people try to force others into situations they aren't comfortable with.
 
mglover070588 said:
Don't you have to do presentation or any other form of public speaking at work?
If not, could you?

I fully understand your issue but the best way to overcome it is by doing it :).
Click to expand...
I'm still nervous and feel a bit sick before hand but I have demo'ed software to smallish groups of people, say 15, but the focus is the software and I'm relying information plus I'm confident in how well I can code. But for the focus to be me and how well I speak in public and for the number of people to increase 15 fold... this is where I wonder if I could manage the stress or not. I also know the people I'm demoing to, I will only know a handful at the wedding.

As getting smashed....my fear is that its remembered for the wrong reasons and drinking before hand is only likely to increase the risk of that I feel.
 
Last edited:
Moses said:
There's no real outside pressure on you... just pressure you put on yourself.
Click to expand...

In a nutshell :)

Keep this in mind and you will do well.

I'm not sure where you are now, but you could start a few random conversations with people you don't know and take it from there :)
 
done it twice and again in August, just be true and use web speeches as a template... dont life jokes as anyone over 25 would have heard them!

i had cue cards and my speach lasted 10 - 15 mins, some jokes and silly stories and some loving statements about what a great guy and how lucky she is...
 
Get bevvied and grope a bridesmaid.

In all seriousness... If you're nervous, that's fine - everyone gets nervous. If you're absolutely scared stiff nervous - see a counsellor, that's not normal.
 
Why don't you try doing a short presentation to your family about something you know loads about? That way the topic won't scare you and you'll see it's easy and as already said above can build up the numbers?
 
Here's how to deliver a good best mans speech.

Stand up and deliver it. The audience are ready to laugh at the jokes, they don't need to be funny. If you imagine the speech is the best speech in the world then the people will respond like it is.

You could have a speech written by Stephen Frya but if you don't deliver it right it will fall flat.

You need 0 talent, and you just need a script you've spent a few hours on.

Pretend it's like a firework, all you're doing is confidently lighting the blue touch paper, you know what the result will be.
 
I've did a fair few presentations last year for uni, smallish group of 10-15 or so but it's the same principle. I'm not the word best public speaker, but i got better over time by picking up on a few things.

1. You won't be perfect, mistakes can happen with public speaking, even with the best people. "Fair enough, i'm not perfect, i might make a mistake". Accept and come to terms with that, and it will go a long way towards making you more at ease with the situation. The arrogant person who thinks he will be perfect will always look the fool in the end. If you accept the fact you might make an idiot of yourself, chances are you won't.

2. Think of it as a bit of fun, and not an uncomfortable chore that you want over and done with. We often fret over things that we may want to do, but are outside of our comfort zone. I hated doing presentations at uni every 2-3 weeks, but i got used to it, and stopped fretting.

3. You don't have anything to prove to the people in the room. They aren't up there, you are.

4. In reality i doubt 100% of the audience will be hanging onto your every word. Every presentation/speach has people that don't pay attention. Many will probably be to sloshed to take in what you're saying, and others will probably be listening out of courtesy. Close friends and family won't care what state it comes out as, those you don't know will just see you as some random guy whos speaking. Don't worry about it.

Just my two cents, but hope some of it helps. Good luck.
 
Last edited:
Never give up the opportunity to be best man, its an awesome day and real honour. No amounts of nerves and worry and any other cons come anywhere near denting the Pros. Bottom line is everyone is on your side, even if you bomb the speech they will still laugh at the right places and tbh its such a minor part of the day in time scale that its done and dusted in a blink of an eye.

Accept it with open arms, worry about it, plan it well then have great day to remember.

The Speech I did for {SAS}TB (member of this forum) was simply bullet points on a page that guided me through areas I wanted to go down and I ad libbed it on the day. Personally I think this is the best way to do them as if they are rehearsed to death they come across as such and being a bit bumbling etc etc is the English way and always goes down well.
 
Last edited:
I've been best man twice now both times were great. The only advice i can give really is you have to think what it will mean to your mate doing the speech. If he’s your best mate and would really like this then I would look into preparing yourself as others have suggested.

But if you can’t face it now and find that’s all your thinking about is the speech, speak to your mate and explain that you feel you might mess the speech up due to your nerves as such. The thing is both time i have done it I have nerves before I did the speech like 30minutes before running up to the speech. Once I started and got the first laugh in all that went out of the window.

Speeches don’t have to be amazing either. I mean don’t look at the best man speeches on you tube as some of those are great but not every speech will be like that if I’m honest. You could ask if you can keep it nice and short and simple. Toast the couple, thank everyone and say your save the stories of the groom for anyone that wants to buy you a drink at bar.

But the best advice really is speak to your friend ask him what he would like from the speech and then make your decision based on that.

Hope this helped.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom