Can someone proof read this please :P

  • Thread starter Thread starter Mp4
  • Start date Start date
Well i work full time and have been there longer than some people so why not go for it? they can only turn me down! no biggie
 
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Mp4 said:
I’m writing to express my interest in the current vacancy of:

CTS position for Produce

I have worked in Fresh Foods for the last 12 months; I have enjoyed and taken an active role in, since my move from checkout activities. A position I have enjoyed and served in for over eight years. I would now; however, like to progress my career with Sainsbury’s and take on a more challenging role within the company.

I’m qualified to use the bailer and pump truck and also have an in depth knowledge of the shop, the shop floor and customer interaction, all of which I would hope, qualify me for consideration for this role.

I understand that this is only an initial approach to you and with that in mind, if I can supply any further details which would assist in my application, I would be happy to supply them,

Many Thanks for you time,
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Can I suggest:

"I’m writing to express my interest in the current vacancy of:

CTS position for Produce

For the last 12 months I have worked in Fresh Foods - an area which I have enjoyed and in which I have taken an active role - since my move from checkout activities where I served for over eight years. I would like to progress my career with Sainsbury’s and take on a more challenging role within the company.

I’m qualified to use the bailer and pump truck and also have an in depth knowledge of the shop, the shop floor and customer interaction, all of which I would hope, qualify me for consideration for this role.

I understand that this is only an initial approach to you and with that in mind, if I can supply any further details which would assist in my application, I would be happy to supply them.

Best regards,"
 
You must have seen them around many supermarkets? Basically a two prong lift in which can carry allot of weight. You have to pump the lever to make it rise... very exiting indeed :Palso have electric ones.. now that is exiting :P
 
fanger said:
Just in case you're not...try this...

Dear Mr McAllister,

I’m writing to express my interest in the current vacancy of:

CTS position for Produce

I have recently made the move to fresh foods from checkout activities, a position I have both enjoyed and served in for nearly seven years. I would now, however, like to progress my career with Sainsbury’s and take on a more challenging role within the company.

I’m qualified to use the bailer and pump trucks and also have an in depth knowledge of the shop, the shop floor and customer interaction, all of which I would hope, qualify me for consideration for this role.

I understand that this is only an initial approach to you and with that in mind, if I can supply any further details which would assist in my application, I would be happy to supply them,

Many Thanks for you time,

YOUR NAME HERE
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This is by far the best one in the thread. However, I would not use the word supply twice in the same sentence. I would change that to "I would be happy to do so". I would also scrap the many thanks bit, and just put “Yours sincerely,” then 3 blank lines for you to sign it, then your name (printed). Obviously, you also need to add some other letter formatting at the top, such as addresses and the date.
 
Redrum said:
This is by far the best one in the thread. However, I would not use the word supply twice in the same sentence. I would change that to "I would be happy to do so". I would also scrap the many thanks bit, and just put “Yours sincerely,” then 3 blank lines for you to sign it, then your name (printed). Obviously, you also need to add some other letter formatting at the top, such as addresses and the date.
Click to expand...


He's right!
 
Dear Mrs McAllister,

I’m writing to express my interest in the current vacancy of:

CTS position for Produce

I have worked in Fresh Foods for the last 12 months; I have enjoyed and taken an active role in, since my move from checkout activities. A position I have enjoyed and served in for over eight years. I would now; however, like to progress my career with Sainsbury’s and take on a more challenging role within the company.

I’m qualified to use the bailer and pump truck and also have an in depth knowledge of the shop, the shop floor and customer interaction, all of which I would hope, qualify me for consideration for this role.

I understand that this is only an initial approach to you and with that in mind, if I can supply any further details which would assist in my application, I would be happy to do so,

Yours sincerely,


i have also added my address and their address.

many thanks all,

hand it in tomorrow just wait and see.
 
Mp4 said:
Palso have electric ones.. now that is exiting :P
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wtf is palso? i loved using the electric trucks, shame when they cracked down on H+S and stopped u sitting on the front and driving them around.
 
Mp4 said:
Dear Mrs McAllister,

I’m writing to express my interest in the current vacancy of:

CTS position for Produce

I have worked in Fresh Foods for the last 12 months; I have enjoyed and taken an active role in, since my move from checkout activities. A position I have enjoyed and served in for over eight years. I would now; however, like to progress my career with Sainsbury’s and take on a more challenging role within the company.

I’m qualified to use the bailer and pump truck and also have an in depth knowledge of the shop, the shop floor and customer interaction, all of which I would hope, qualify me for consideration for this role.

I understand that this is only an initial approach to you and with that in mind, if I can supply any further details which would assist in my application, I would be happy to do so,

Yours sincerely,


i have also added my address and their address.

many thanks all,

hand it in tomorrow just wait and see.
Click to expand...

Sorry mate but absolutely disgraceful grammar.
 
Mp4 said:
Dear Mrs McAllister,

I’m writing to express my interest in the current vacancy of:

CTS position for Produce

I have worked in Fresh Foods for the last 12 months; I have enjoyed and taken an active role in, since my move from checkout activities. A position I have enjoyed and served in for over eight years. I would now; however, like to progress my career with Sainsbury’s and take on a more challenging role within the company.

I’m qualified to use the bailer and pump truck and also have an in depth knowledge of the shop, the shop floor and customer interaction, all of which I would hope, qualify me for consideration for this role.

I understand that this is only an initial approach to you and with that in mind, if I can supply any further details which would assist in my application, I would be happy to do so,

Yours sincerely,


i have also added my address and their address.

many thanks all,

hand it in tomorrow just wait and see.
Click to expand...

Your nearly there now. You just need to change that comma after the "happy to do so" to a full stop.
 
lol thanks , im shatterd cant focus on what im doing :P dumb question shall i put it in an envelope or just hand the letter in ? :P
 
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Final Draft Version 1.014.813

Dear Mrs McAllister,

I’m writing to express my interest in the current vacancy of:

CTS position for Produce

I have recently made the move to fresh foods from checkout activities, a position I have both enjoyed and served in for nearly seven years.
I would now, however, like to progress my career with Sainsbury’s and take on a more challenging role within the company.
I have also worked in Fresh Foods for the last 12 months, a role I have enjoyed and taken an active parcipatary role in.

I’m qualified to use the bailer and pump trucks and also have an indepth knowledge of the shop, the shop floor and customer interaction, all of which I would hope, qualify me for consideration for this role. I would like to state in particularly, that I enjoy the Shop Floor very much, and would appreciate the opportunity to enlarge my experience within the “Customer Services” role of assisting customers to make product choices, helping customers find products and, ultimately, being able to demonstrate a knowledge of my subject which is of assistance to both the company and its customers.


I understand that this is only an initial approach to you and with that in mind, if I can supply any further details which would assist in my application, I would be happy to supply them,

Many Thanks for you time,

YOUR NAME HERE
 
Dear Mrs McAllister,

I’m writing to express my interest in the current vacancy of:

CTS position for Produce

I have worked in Fresh Foods for the last 12 months; I have enjoyed and taken an active role in, since my move from checkout activities. A position I have enjoyed and served in for over eight years. I would now; however, like to progress my career with Sainsbury’s and take on a more challenging role within the company.

I’m qualified to use the bailer and pump truck and also have an in depth knowledge of the shop, the shop floor and customer interaction, all of which I would hope, qualify me for consideration for this role.

I understand that this is only an initial approach to you and with that in mind, if I can supply any further details which would assist in my application, I would be happy to do so.

Yours sincerely,


i've left it at that for tonight , im sure that is more than enough thanks for all your help everyone.
 
fanger said:
Sorry mate but absolutely disgraceful grammar.
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I take it back. Just noticed that you have changed what fanger wrote substantially and hes correct. You have totally buggered the grammar. Whats with all the semi-colons?

First one should be a full stop. Next sentence should be changed to "This was a role I enjoyed and took an active role in. The "since my move from checkouts" needs to be at the end of the first sentence. The "I would now" sentence should start "I would now like to progress ...".

The I'm should be I am as its a formal letter. Pump truck should be plural unless there really is only one of them.

Finally, yes put it in an envelope with the persons name on it. I wouldn't bother addressing it though.
 
fanger said:
I have also worked in Fresh Foods for the last 12 months, a role I have enjoyed and taken an active parcipatary role in.

....would appreciate the opportunity to enlarge my experience within the “Customer Services” role of assisting customers to make product choices, helping customers find products and, ultimately, being able to demonstrate a knowledge of my subject which is of assistance to both the company and its customers.
Click to expand...

These two sentences are brilliant for all the wrong reasons.
 
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