Can they sack me?

[89wy89]

I was chatting with a colleague in the staff room. I am a male in my 40s; she a female in her early 20s. I forget how it started but for some reason we are talking about the pro-life; pro-choice thing. Silly to get involved, I know this now.

The woman says that she is pro-choice and has no issues with a woman terminating a pregnancy at any stage.

I tell her my story and explain that my wife and I many years ago thought about terminating her pregnancy but then changed our minds and and thank God that we did as our daughter is now a thriving 21 year old.

She then tells me that she has had an abortion herself and gets really triggered, perhaps lamenting her decision.

Today I receive a call from the manager with concerns about my conduct. The young woman has complained about my story.

I was supposed to be working tomorrow but have been asked not to come in. Instead I am meeting with the management on Monday morning.

How worried should I be about this? Could this really be considered a sackable offence?

 

[89wy89]

Okay, thanks. I'll just try to enjoy tomorrow's paid holiday and see what Monday brings. Thanks for the response.

 

[89wy89]

The company is in the UK.

Smells like troll....

but there is no way you can get sacked for having a conversation with someone... you did not verbally attack them, or swear at them or be aggressive to them or be racist to them, what sort of stupid company do you work for where they think they have the right to suspend you for talking about some like that

No troll. UK company in the care sector. A little worried. I'm pretty new too.

The woman in question was complaining the other day about being overworked and thinking about reduced hours and was weeping last week over being stressed. Think this story of mine maybe was icing on the cake if she's feeling guilt about her decision regarding her baby. She's off on holiday now for 2 weeks but reckon she would have been taking time off regardless. No aggression; no swearing; no racism.

Like others are saying: they probably just want to hear my side but with management not working on the weekends they would rather I not attend this morning in case the complaining woman is on shift also.

 

[89wy89]

Plot twist your 21yo is actually shemima

Shemima is 24 so I'm off the hook for that one. Had to check though just in case that was the next accusation...

 

[89wy89]

Is she fit?

Is the woman making the complaint fit? If you trade the 'i' for an 'a' then you are on the right track, my friend.

 

[89wy89]

It makes having friendships and relationships (not dating kind) at work so much more tricky as you can't be your true self. I've received a few warnings over the years but once the facts came out everything was absolutely fine. People misinterpret things. People generally have good intentions but people choose to be offended by things because society has conditioned them to be.

Totally get this.

 

[89wy89]

Who's alt account is this?

New guy, only found the forum last night because I was a little worried about the situation when I received the phone call yesterday. Worked for myself for years so quite new to this. Feeling a bit more relaxed about it given the comments here. I'll try to be relaxed on Monday morning and will listen more than talk.

 

[89wy89]

with no witnesses it'll boil down to your word vs hers.

There was one other girl who came into the office towards the end of it while my accuser was getting triggered and upset; telling me that I shouldn't have an opinion about such things becasue I'm a bloke and asking how I would react should my daughter decide to abort her child in the future - would I support her or spin my story to her; that kind of thing. She only caught the end of it. I am a little worried about it.

 

[89wy89]

Just remind them your views on abortion are religious based and you should be safe under the Equality act

That's worth thinking about actually...

 

[89wy89]

On Monday make sure you have your wits about you..

Yeah, I've been playing through scenarios in my head all weekend. I'll have to think carefully before I speak (which had I been doing before then I wouldn't have this meeting in the first place).

 

[89wy89]

If you get sacked for simply saying what you said then the job is not worth it. What a bizarre reason to sack someone...

Yeah, I'm probably overreacting and the manager just wants my take - I just got a little worried when asked not to go in to work yesterday. When on the phone I did mention that I was shocked that this was happening and asked the worst case scenario.

He said that there are a bunch of options they might take but worst case would be termination of my contract. He says it all depends on what I have to say tomorrow.

So it does feel as though I am fighting for my job in a way because of the very reason I outlined in my original post. It's pretty scary.

 

[89wy89]

No issues with it, but not worth going down the route in the long run with a randomer at work, choose who you tell personal things to carefully.

This is good advice I will be utilising in all aspects of life from now on.

 

[89wy89]

OP claims to be new to the workplace, so presumably won't have the 2 years of service that is required before you can bring a claim for unfair dismissal in the UK. Thank you Tory government.

Yeah, won't have any grounds for unfair dismissal. Will keep you guys posted tomorrow though and let you know the outcome.

 

[89wy89]

I could be wrong with this, yes they can just get rid of you without reason. But you would still have protections under discrimination laws that could still be in play if they (stupidly) told you why they got rid of you.

Tribunals are taking a dim view of employers discriminating against employees rights in areas like freedom of expression and beliefs, now regularly handing out 5 or 6 figure sums.

I like the sound of this though...

 

[89wy89]

My wife and I had a miscarriage late last year following our first round of IVF after 2-3 years of trying naturally and failing. I can completely understand why this lady would be upset. Several times a day, I'll see something or hear something that is a stark reminder if exactly what happened and how traumatic and upsetting it was. So, whilst I don't think you'll be getting the sack and nor do I think you should, I think that many of the comments here are very flippant; you don't know what people have been through and how it makes them feel. Quite honestly, I'm on the verge of tears just writing this brief comment.

Putting myself in her shoes, I hear every day about someone's kids or someone else is pregnant, or whatever it might be. The one that upsets me most is when people moan about their children; I'd love to have a child to moan about. It is really upsetting, but only my directors and HR know, so I put on a brave face. I chose not to tell anyone, so I can't be surprised when they have a completely normal conversation with me about children not knowing that I'm dying inside. As such, I really don't think you're to blame.

Good luck.

Ps. I'm delighted you didn't go through with the abortion.

PPS. Sorry for the life story. It was cathartic for me.

Sorry to hear that, man. That totally sucks. I have been thinking about that a lot this weekend: how might it have felt for her knowing that she terminated her baby yet hearing me talking about having a thriving 21 year old? She currently has a 1 year old and I know she's been with her bf since 2020 so this terminated baby would have been between 2 and 3 now I reckon, but then her current child would never have existed. It's all a bit weird. I'm beginning to suspect that she's not in a good place in general. Checked her social media accounts earlier and notice that she has put on a tonne of weight in the last few months - she looked a lot better before the pregnancy.

More than this: the whole conversation started by her bringing up the fact that she was a Trump supporter (common in the UK from my experience) and from there she started talking about his various policies, and this is how we got onto abortion. This would mean that she would presumably, had she the chance to, be voting for someone who actively campaigns to roll back women's rights in this regard. Really strange given how upset she has gotten over the whole thing.

Sorry to hear about your story though. This thread has gone in directions I never thought it would when I joined the forum in the early hours of yesterday morning. I hope you keep trying and don't give up hope if that is what you guys still want.

 

[89wy89]

how long have you worked there?

Less than 3 months...

...I know.

 

[89wy89]

When you go in tomorrow, tell the taxi driver to keep the engine running.

Thanks. I'll pop in here tomorrow to let you know what happened. Probs in between job searches.

 

[89wy89]

Here we go - wish me luck...

 

[89wy89]

So it went okay but doesn't look great.

The woman has built up a small portfolio of hate for me so I had to answer questions about a few incidents, besides the abortion thing which she has milked for all it's worth. One was a time in the staff room last month when she was asking if anyone could give her a lift home as we finish at 22:00. The guy who sometimes does said he couldn't as he finished at 20:00. She said she would do anything for the person who agrees. I said that if that is the case then I'll do it. She then hugged me (inappropriately, I felt) and I dropped her off home that night despite it being nowhere near where I live. She missed most of that out though and just referenced the part where I agreed to if she's offering to do anything. I'm asked if I could see how this might have been uncomfortable for her as it contained sexual connotations. What a bitch. I deny that there was anything sexual about the comment.

I work(ed) in a care setting and one of the service-users has cerebral palsy and it's difficult to know whether he is in discomfort or how he's feeling from one day to the next. His care plan doesn't make things much easier to understand - there are numerous possibilities for each sound or gesture he makes. I asked staff about him when I had just started. I wanted to know how we can tell what sort of life he has; how do we know what his quality of life is like and what do all the different signs and signals that he makes mean? This was purely out of curiosity to try to empathise with his lifestyle. This has not been worded like this in the complaint though - instead I apparently asked what the point was in this man's life. That one hurt a little. The fact that it took place in the service-uers's own home where he could potentially be listening in didn't help, but then I was the junoir employee in the scenario and so the conversation could have been shut down and continued in the staff room or in private.

There were a couple of other smaller things that he says I should have reported or at least ask senoir staff about first rather than making my own mind up about it: things like one of our service-users wanting me to assist him in looking through escort services in the local area. I thought it was okay since technically it is the guy's own house.

He's going to write up my comments and then it's being passed up to HR and they will get back to me before my next shift is set to start on Wednesday morning. He says that he has to decide whether this is a case of lack of self-awareness on my part or not and if so if it's something that can be rectified. That it is concerning that this has all happened in a short space of time and so can it be changed or should they expect incidents every month?

I would say I feel it's 70-30 in favour of me losing my job to the point where I'm starting to look for other jobs after I post this.

Looking at my own role in my (potential) demise I would say that the lesson to be learned is not to get involved in conversations around sensitive topics with people you don't know well / in a work setting - even if they start the conversation. Also note that young people - I would say people in their 20s - can be more sensitive than I give them credit for. Finally - any comment that includes potential sexual references, no matter how innocuous they may seem, can be flipped and used against you.

Stick to that as a guideline and do your job well and you should be okay. Lesson learned.

Feeling good about the prospect of finding something else but will contonue to work for them if they allow it (which I'm probably down to 75-25 now) until I get a start elsewhere.

Shame but you live and learn.

 

[89wy89]

Over the autumn I attended 6 interviews for care jobs and was successful in each one. The job I took seemed the best fit at the time (and in terms of shift-pattern and location it still is, but hey-ho). So this morning I started by contacting the other 5 and asking if they still had vacancies and if so would I need to go through the whole Disclosure / interview / training thing all over again or could I be fast-tracked. Two of them have responded: one of them offering a follow-up interview on Friday and another accepting my interview from last year and arranging a training session next Monday. So Already I have two promising options.

The thought of going back to my job after all of this is kind of daunting. I know what staff rooms are like when people (usually women but don't tell anyone I said that - I don't want to get cancelled twice in one weekend) get together and there's a tasty new story involving a colleague. Hopefully I can get a start at one of these jobs within a week or so. Put it down to experience.

I think after this message I'll have reached my maximum posts for new members for 24 hours or so but rest-assured I'll be applying for jobs and will check back in whenever I hear back from my job with the verdict.