Yeah, that might be worth a bash.
Can they sack me?
- Thread starter 89wy89
- Start date
I think you're right. The mistake I made was not going to the deputy manager to ask if this is appropriate. Instead I mentioned in to a couple of people in the staff room. They said that the guy in question used to have escorts visit him in his house on site and that staff would sometimes have to clean up after them the next morning when the day-shiift came in. This coming from, shock-horror: the woman who has done all the complaining.
I should have gone to management. My bad on that one.
Hey, I posted this earlier today but it got stuck somewhere back there and I couldn't bump it up to the top of the thread, and reached the maximum posts allowed for a newbie so was stuck in the dark for most of the day. But this is what I posted earlier:
''Over the autumn I attended 6 interviews for care jobs and was successful in each one. The job I took seemed the best fit at the time (and in terms of shift-pattern and location it still is, but hey-ho). So this morning I started by contacting the other 5 and asking if they still had vacancies and if so would I need to go through the whole Disclosure / interview / training thing all over again or could I be fast-tracked. Two of them have responded: one of them offering a follow-up interview on Friday and another accepting my interview from last year and arranging a training session next Monday. So Already I have two promising options.
The thought of going back to my job after all of this is kind of daunting. I know what staff rooms are like when people (usually women but don't tell anyone I said that - I don't want to get cancelled twice in one weekend) get together and there's a tasty new story involving a colleague. Hopefully I can get a start at one of these jobs within a week or so. Put it down to experience.
I think after this message I'll have reached my maximum posts for new members for 24 hours or so but rest-assured I'll be applying for jobs and will check back in whenever I hear back from my job with the verdict.''
So there is hope going forward. Either way, I'll post tomorrow when I get the call and let you know what is said. Cheers, guys. This has been a huge help finding this forum this weekend and hearing from all you guys.
''Over the autumn I attended 6 interviews for care jobs and was successful in each one. The job I took seemed the best fit at the time (and in terms of shift-pattern and location it still is, but hey-ho). So this morning I started by contacting the other 5 and asking if they still had vacancies and if so would I need to go through the whole Disclosure / interview / training thing all over again or could I be fast-tracked. Two of them have responded: one of them offering a follow-up interview on Friday and another accepting my interview from last year and arranging a training session next Monday. So Already I have two promising options.
The thought of going back to my job after all of this is kind of daunting. I know what staff rooms are like when people (usually women but don't tell anyone I said that - I don't want to get cancelled twice in one weekend) get together and there's a tasty new story involving a colleague. Hopefully I can get a start at one of these jobs within a week or so. Put it down to experience.
I think after this message I'll have reached my maximum posts for new members for 24 hours or so but rest-assured I'll be applying for jobs and will check back in whenever I hear back from my job with the verdict.''
So there is hope going forward. Either way, I'll post tomorrow when I get the call and let you know what is said. Cheers, guys. This has been a huge help finding this forum this weekend and hearing from all you guys.
So, interesting chat with the manager earlier today.
They have decided that should I wish to stay on they will be fine with that providing I agree to have a deputy manager (I know her, she's pretty decent and it was she who carried out my initial interview last year) monitor me for a time (I'm not sure how long). Basically making sure my big mouth doesn't go flapping around certain contentious issues (even when other people start talking about them). I don't know exactly how she will be doing this. Tapping my phone? Hacking my emails? Hiding behind urinals in the staff toilets? I suppose randomely checking in with people I've been working alongside, which of course could lead to anyone saying anything. He also wanted assurance that I am mature enough to work alongside certain women.
I said to him: 'Let me think about it. I appreciate the offer but I have some other options at the moment and I want to check them out first.'
He asked if this means I had been looking for other jobs while working there.
I say that no - this has all happened since I left our meeting yesterday morning. I had to assume the worst and started looking elsewhere. The sector is crying out for staff at the moment and I'm a good worker; always on time and has never had a moment off since starting the job. I'm also not one for sitting around the staff room when things need done either, and not everyone in the company can say that about themselves.
I wondered if I was laying it on a bit thick but thought: **** it! What have I got to lose!? You guys have been saying here at OverClockers that I could do with putting up a bit more of a fight so I decided to go for it a little.
I think what's happened is that, and this is only speculation of course, the manager has written up notes of our conversation yesterday and while he hasn't danced around the issues and problems that have arisen he's also written quite fairly about my character; that I appear honest and that perhaps some of this might be misunderstanding, or at least hyperbole on the part of my accuser. HR might have asked about my performance at work outside of the staff room - like what we're actually supposed to be doing; what we are paid for; and the deputy manager (the woman who would be tasked with ''monitoring'' me) has said that there are no issues there, that I'm pretty solid.
Makes me wonder if either the HR department is actually decent at the company; or that at least the manager is; or that they are crying out for staff so much that they are willing to tolerate bad apples who want to say things like that they are glad that they didn't kill their daughter in the womb 21 years ago; but I don't think this is the case as they have agency workers on tap; or quite what it means.
The manager asks that I contact him by Friday with my decision, basically so that they could get me back to work for Saturday morning.
I say that this will not be possible. I have things on this week. I have job interviews and on Monday I have training for another position. The earliest I would be willing to come back would be Wednesday, so a week tomorrow.
An amazing thing then happens: he stutters. Just a little, but it's there. He can't promise I'll be paid if I'm off until next Wednesday but I say I'll take annual leave.
I will contact him by Friday or they know that I am not interested in the offer; but they know that I have training for another job on Monday and accept that - that is how we left it.
Makes me wonder. This would put me on somewhat of a 'last chance' with this company, I should think, but it does make me think about the maybe being a company that looks out for its staff. I may be being naive again but based on what you guys have been saying here over the last couple of days managers and HR departments always take the easy way out. These guys have decided to take a risk, to give the benefit of the doubt. It's either desparation or they are genuinely decent.
You might think me mad but I'm a little on the fence.
The location and shift pattern are excellent for me in this current job. The other position, the one I have the training for on Monday, it is much further away and would be less convenient. The intererview on Friday I will find out more about at the time.
The main question is around my colleagues. Can I stand to work beside one of them in particular? How do I feel about being ''monitored''?
Plenty to think about in the coming days...
P. S. Who is Maccy that keeps deleting posts from earlier today?
They have decided that should I wish to stay on they will be fine with that providing I agree to have a deputy manager (I know her, she's pretty decent and it was she who carried out my initial interview last year) monitor me for a time (I'm not sure how long). Basically making sure my big mouth doesn't go flapping around certain contentious issues (even when other people start talking about them). I don't know exactly how she will be doing this. Tapping my phone? Hacking my emails? Hiding behind urinals in the staff toilets? I suppose randomely checking in with people I've been working alongside, which of course could lead to anyone saying anything. He also wanted assurance that I am mature enough to work alongside certain women.
I said to him: 'Let me think about it. I appreciate the offer but I have some other options at the moment and I want to check them out first.'
He asked if this means I had been looking for other jobs while working there.
I say that no - this has all happened since I left our meeting yesterday morning. I had to assume the worst and started looking elsewhere. The sector is crying out for staff at the moment and I'm a good worker; always on time and has never had a moment off since starting the job. I'm also not one for sitting around the staff room when things need done either, and not everyone in the company can say that about themselves.
I wondered if I was laying it on a bit thick but thought: **** it! What have I got to lose!? You guys have been saying here at OverClockers that I could do with putting up a bit more of a fight so I decided to go for it a little.
I think what's happened is that, and this is only speculation of course, the manager has written up notes of our conversation yesterday and while he hasn't danced around the issues and problems that have arisen he's also written quite fairly about my character; that I appear honest and that perhaps some of this might be misunderstanding, or at least hyperbole on the part of my accuser. HR might have asked about my performance at work outside of the staff room - like what we're actually supposed to be doing; what we are paid for; and the deputy manager (the woman who would be tasked with ''monitoring'' me) has said that there are no issues there, that I'm pretty solid.
Makes me wonder if either the HR department is actually decent at the company; or that at least the manager is; or that they are crying out for staff so much that they are willing to tolerate bad apples who want to say things like that they are glad that they didn't kill their daughter in the womb 21 years ago; but I don't think this is the case as they have agency workers on tap; or quite what it means.
The manager asks that I contact him by Friday with my decision, basically so that they could get me back to work for Saturday morning.
I say that this will not be possible. I have things on this week. I have job interviews and on Monday I have training for another position. The earliest I would be willing to come back would be Wednesday, so a week tomorrow.
An amazing thing then happens: he stutters. Just a little, but it's there. He can't promise I'll be paid if I'm off until next Wednesday but I say I'll take annual leave.
I will contact him by Friday or they know that I am not interested in the offer; but they know that I have training for another job on Monday and accept that - that is how we left it.
Makes me wonder. This would put me on somewhat of a 'last chance' with this company, I should think, but it does make me think about the maybe being a company that looks out for its staff. I may be being naive again but based on what you guys have been saying here over the last couple of days managers and HR departments always take the easy way out. These guys have decided to take a risk, to give the benefit of the doubt. It's either desparation or they are genuinely decent.
You might think me mad but I'm a little on the fence.
The location and shift pattern are excellent for me in this current job. The other position, the one I have the training for on Monday, it is much further away and would be less convenient. The intererview on Friday I will find out more about at the time.
The main question is around my colleagues. Can I stand to work beside one of them in particular? How do I feel about being ''monitored''?
Plenty to think about in the coming days...
P. S. Who is Maccy that keeps deleting posts from earlier today?
Yeah, I think I'll stick around. Reading the comments here has certainly helped make the long weekend less stressful. I appreciate the feedback, both positive and negative.On another note though, you seem to be a decent chap and I hope you stick around for more regular postings.
While management may try to keep us apart sometimes things get really busy and I can't see us not having to work together at some point but also there will be certain times when I will definitely be in the staff room with my accuser alone, putting both of us in a risky position. After sleeping on it I am leaning more to getting out of there. I don't want to do it just yet while I have other options in the pipeline but nothing I'm able to fully commit to.
To be honest I'm beginning to think the care sector just isn't for me. I like that I can get my 35-40 hours done in three days which is one of the main attractions but, and my ex-wife used to say this all the time in her nursing roles so this isn't just my perspective: workplaces made up of predominantely women are always the most stressful working environments. Just too much bickering and backstabbing and not enough getting on with the task at hand.
This isn't too far from what was said. I did mention that I respected the decision to give me the benefit of the doubt in all of this when the easier option for them would probably have been to show me the door and that this makes me feel as though this is a company that tries to do the right thing and is there for its employees, which is something I appreciate.
I did also mention my concerns over the complaints. It's not the one about abortion that really gets to me - that is something I said, I told my story which makes it very clear my stance on the issue. That's all fair enough, and that's the reason that all of this has happened. It's the other claims that bother me a little more. The one about the sexual comment and then her not wanting a lift home afterwards because she felt uncomfortable when in reality she liked the comment and I did give her a lift home that night. Her claiming to be uncomfortable enough to not want a lift with me that night is an outright lie, but I have no way of proving it.
The main issue was the comments regarding the service user with cerebral palsy and my apparently asking what the point of his life was when in reality I was simply trying to find out more about the guy and how to best support him. This one comes across as particularly manipulative and vindictive and in my view is a deliberate attempt to twist what I said. Because this comment is related to a service-user and so is within the context of a conversation about work this one concerned me the most because it feels designed to show seniors at the company that I lack empathy.
Overall though, and this is not something I would get into with the manager or anyone else at work, I find it quite disturbing actually that someone of 22 years of age, so no longer really a child; a mother, no less; and a self-confessed fan of Donald Trump to boot; would become so offended by a conversation that she would carry all of this through. I try to imagine myself even reporting someone for such a thing let alone following it up with further accusations. We were fine prior to the abortion chat. It appears as though she's gone out of her way to try to paint a negative picture of me such that it had the chance of costing me my job. Not only that but she loses nothing out of the whole scenario, unless someone has had a word with her about it that I know nothing of since I haven't been in since last Wednesday.
She's been crafty, this woman. She hasn't made up stories from thin air. She has based her complaints around topics and conversations that did occur. She's just twisted them a little (and by a little I mean a lot). This means that HR have to get around the idea that she could have interpreted me in this way, that I may have meant A but she feels B, or perhaps she feels B because I really did mean B and am just saying that I meant A. It's a no-proof-required scenario. Seems to be about how someone feels about what was said and not the actual thing that was said. It's a tricky situation and not one I would like to have dumped on my desk to deal with.
In all seriousness it speaks to a larger issue, I feel. I think back 20 years to when I was that age and I know that politics and these hot-button topics weren't as talked about among youngsters as they are now but I can't think of a single example of someone at this age back in the late '90s / early '00s that I know of who would have acted in this way over someone elses' opinion clashing with their own.
Imagine I had been really nasty to her and called her a baby-killer and went in really hard about how bad a person I thought she was (not that I did at the time, maybe now though). She literally might never have recovered.
I've heard stories about the so-called '********* Generation', usually from American commentators but also here in the UK as well. I think I've now seen some evidence of it in the real world: someone who would bring up a topic but then not like having their views on it contradicted with a real-world example and then feel entitled to try to cause as much damage to their reputation as possible to the point where they have to be ''monitored'' for a time should they decide to return to work.
It's actually quite terrifying when you think about it for a while.
I think there's a chance she'll be pretty uncomfortable about the whole situation. It's impossible to know quite what she was expecting when she made the complaint. It's probably been a whole lot easier for her because she's on a two-week holiday now. Her holiday started the day I received the call from management the first time (last Friday, Feb. 23), so two days after I last saw her and four days after the abortion discussion.
She won't be back until I'm guessing March 09 if she's taking a full two weeks which I believe is the case.
You're right though - at face value it will definitely be more uncomfortable for me than for her, but I get the impression that she's a bit of a stress-head and I think I remember hearing that she was on meds for depression and anxiety and suchlike. She probably doesn't like confrontation all that much, which explains what seems to be an effort to cost me my job or at least show me who's boss.
She might be expecting me to be gone when she comes back but I bet a part of her is freaking out at the prospect of me sitting in the staff room the day she returns. Imagine that - and it were just the two of us. Surely my ''monitor'' wouldn't allow that to happen. I also think she'll have spoken with some of the other staff and they will say that I haven't been in for the last few days. It's impossible to know.
They've given me the option of staying on if I agree to be ''monitored'' for a time (I'm not sure how long).
Maybe they think if they do this then I will walk and then they won't have to worry about it.
Have two interviews tomorrow though so will see what happens then.
Been for a couple of interviews today. One of them is a no-go due to the shift patterns but the other one might be okay, I'd just have to work out less than ideal shifts. I still have the training day (RAP?) on Monday for a third job and a fourth one (one I turned down last year) got back to me saying that they aren't looking for anyone permanent at the moment but would I be willing to do a shift here and there for the time being. They will pay me for a couple of shadow shifts next week. I already have PVG and ID badge from last year so would be ready to go straight into work.
Spoke with the manager of my current job earlier as we'd agreed we would on Tuesday. Told him I'll be back at work on Wednesday. At the moment I have the choice of four jobs (so it's true what they say about the care sector crying out for staff):
- the one I have the training for on Monday
- job interviewed today with less than ideal shifts
- the one offering shifts here and there for the time being
- my existing job that expects me back at work on Wednesday
Without realising I've listed them in order of preference.
Spoke with the manager of my current job earlier as we'd agreed we would on Tuesday. Told him I'll be back at work on Wednesday. At the moment I have the choice of four jobs (so it's true what they say about the care sector crying out for staff):
- the one I have the training for on Monday
- job interviewed today with less than ideal shifts
- the one offering shifts here and there for the time being
- my existing job that expects me back at work on Wednesday
Without realising I've listed them in order of preference.
The training day was decent. Could really see me working there. The thought of going back to my job on Wednesday is not a pleasant one. The only big hurdle I can see in getting this new job is the two character references and two professional references required to get me through the induction. I can't use my most recent employer as a reference.
It could put me in a bit of a pickle, forced to remain in my current job until I can use them as a reference in the future. Nightmare. Let's hope it doesn't come to that...
It could put me in a bit of a pickle, forced to remain in my current job until I can use them as a reference in the future. Nightmare. Let's hope it doesn't come to that...
Yeah, we're expecting our fourth child any day.
So I have a voicemail on my phone from the manager of my job from last week asking me to contact them to let me know that I'm alright and whether I intend to return to work or not, this is after I failed to show up for a shift last week as I had arranged a training day for another company. This keeps happening: I promise myself I'll phone him back but then I manage to arrange an interview or RAP or induction or something with someone else and so I tell myself I'll contact him by the end of the week.
Yesterday I receieve a letter in the mail from the manager asking me to please contact him and explain whether or not I intend to return to work. Fair enough. I really should, and they are trying everything to get an answer from me. I said to myself I would phone him today and tell him I'll be back on Monday (want to keep the job until I know for certain I have another job to walk into) but I've just received a message from another company confirming I'll be shadowing all day Monday.
So now I'm thinking that I'll be phoning them on Monday to let them know I'll be back on Wednesday. Obviously he'll not wait forever but at the moment I like having all of these options. Just need to pick one soon and go with it.
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So very true. Makes me wonder why they haven't just sacked me. Maybe the manager is just a really understanding guy; maybe they are desparate for staff. I bumped into someone from the job down town the other day and he was asking about what was going on since I hadn't been around. Found out that my woman accuser is not a full-time staff member but an 'occasional' - meaning that she doesn't have a full-time contract. Don't know what that might have to do with anything but I did have a contract and could be leaving while someone without one will be staying.
I really don’t get it when people here say that I’m trolling or otherwise being disingenuous, unless they are just trolling themselves. When the situation arose at work I did a bit of Googling and this site was the one that appeared at the top of the search for the query I had. I wasn’t really sure it was a hardware-based space – the name of the forum perhaps gives it away but people started to respond and so I kept posting updates.
Life story warning: my wife of seven years and I found out that she was pregnant in 2021. She was nursing at the time (still is) while I was finishing my master’s degree in audio engineering. It turned out to be quite a difficult pregnancy for her and I ended up taking a bit of time off my job in a factory as she needed me at home. When our daughter was born in early 2022 things remained difficult and we figured that I should quit as I had been off for some months and I could always get another job once everything was sorted at home, one perhaps more in line with my degree. A fresh start.
I didn’t know just how extreme of a fresh start I would be having for midway through last year my wife and I decided to separate. This isn’t something we are proud of – creating a broken home for our daughter when she’s just one year old. I give myself a hard time over it literally every day so please reserve judgement.
I had to move out and found myself in temporary accommodation, moving around a couple of times until I was offered accommodation through the local council (not my dream home by any stretch but grateful to have it), and I was now unemployed to boot. We had some savings, not much, but we split what was there, taking into account the value of the car (she doesn’t drive and I needed it for visitation). We separated just as we were approaching the MOT / car tax / insurance renewal period and so by the time all of that was paid (I paid everything up for the year as I didn’t want to get stung with monthly car payments when I wasn’t secure with earnings) I was left with not too much left (we’re talking a few hundred), but at least I had the car. I took a trip to the job centre and went on social security. We call it Universal Credit in the UK.
Finding work was tough. My ex-wife and I agreed that I should be in our daughter’s life as much as possible (I had been her primary carer through much of her first year while my wife worked on getting herself better so there was a bond there) and so for much of last summer and into the autumn we had a schedule where I would have our daughter every Tuesday, Thursday and over the weekend from Saturday afternoon through Sunday evening. It was tough as money started to get tight, but it has been arranged through the courts that these are the days. This fits around my ex-wife’s own shift patterns (not that she has gone back to work yet but she will be soon – it’s amazing the amount of time the NHS has allowed her to be off: she’s worked something like two months in the last two and a half years). She'll be working the days I have our daughter. The idea is to minimise shuttling her around different places all the time – she'll either be with mum or she'll be with dad.
What was tougher was finding work to fit around this schedule. My old job was out; all factory work was out; most jobs were out; pals would say to apply for remote work so that I could work from home while my daughter was there; but then I found that care jobs were advertising themselves as being flexible around shift patterns – you tell us what you can do and we’ll work around that. So I applied for every single care job within a 25 mile radius of my new address that I could find on the main website I was using and started booking interviews.
I ended up with several options and went with what felt like the best of them. Then I stupidly got involved in a couple of conversations surrounding abortion as I mentioned in my first post and now I am struggling to figure out what’s best. The job I still technically have but am losing my grasp on more with each passing day fits around this schedule quite nicely. 14 hours on a Monday and Wednesday and 7 hours on a Saturday. This actually leaves me with the Friday each week where I don’t have work or my daughter all day and so can do things like go for haircuts and dentist appointments or chill or work out maybe how to start a business based around my degree.
The other jobs I’ve been trying to quickly add to my potential options pool don’t seem to be quite as good in terms of shift patterns to the point where I would be able to get the hours in but would lose my Friday as I’d be doing split shifts – no one needs home carers from lunchtime until dinner time it would seem.
They do have a zero tolerance policy on abuse though. My current job doesn’t and so it can be difficult dealing with service-users who are constantly aggressive and abusive. Staff say to bear with it – they get better the more they know you and if you wait until a new start arrives then it will be them who get the brunt of the abuse putting you in the clear. I am on the core team of the most abusive of these guys (there are only so many people that are willing to work with him so I get him every morning).
To be honest it’s this element of the job that’s putting me off going back the most. Maybe this means I’m not built for the sector, I don’t know, but hearing about a zero tolerance on this type of behaviour makes these new positions sound like better options.
I was away for a few days last week to attend a funeral of a friend. He was only 46. Nightmare. They thought it was a heart-attack during the night but family reckon he had been stockpiling medication and had settled some personal affairs recently that had been lingering over him for a while. Friends at the funeral spoke of how there seemed to be changes in him in recent months. I do remember him saying to me several months ago that he wouldn’t care if he died right now – the best days of his life were behind him. I was too preoccupied with my personal situation of divorce and so on to pay it much mind although we did chat about it for a while at the time.
It’s put things into perspective. I’ve been through some **** in the last year but my mental health seems fine. I’ve maybe gained a few pounds but otherwise I am managing. I contacted the Samaritans helpline the other day and chatted with them for about an hour. We spoke about my friend and his death potentially being by his own hand; the situation with my ex-wife and daughter; and my problems at work. For some reason we got to speaking about Bronson Battersby, a two year old boy who died of starvation alone in his basement flat in January in England after his father died of a heart attack through the night. We put my mentioning of this down to perhaps my own guilt over what my wife and I have done to our daughter who is the same age as little Bronson. It has haunted me a lot over the last couple of months, that story. Overall I feel okay though, optimistic even.
My daughter won't be two forever and after the summer she'll make the big move to nursery and then she'll be at school and so on. My shift availability will change around this and the visitation schedule will evolve to accommodate these changes as time goes by. I'll have more working options. At the moment though I have a schedule to stick with. Childcare is super expensive but maybe I could start looking at it as a way to increase my earning potential and the hours I can work. I have a friend who is a single dad working 9-5, Monday to Friday and he spends more than a quarter of his income on childcare – and both of his kids are at school! Welcome to the real world, I guess.
So I’m fine with people telling me that I need to grow up and make a decision about what I’m doing and let my current job know where they stand; or that I am ******* this up 1000000000%. Totally cool with all of that. Keep it coming. It’s good to know how others view my (mostly poor) decisions and helps me realise the urgency I have to work with at the moment and how it’s not just myself I’m letting down.
But please don’t accuse me of trolling. This is my life, not some story I’ve made up. Just someone stuck in a bit of a ****** situation trying to get out of it all the while causing the least harm possible.
Thanks for giving this your time.
Life story warning: my wife of seven years and I found out that she was pregnant in 2021. She was nursing at the time (still is) while I was finishing my master’s degree in audio engineering. It turned out to be quite a difficult pregnancy for her and I ended up taking a bit of time off my job in a factory as she needed me at home. When our daughter was born in early 2022 things remained difficult and we figured that I should quit as I had been off for some months and I could always get another job once everything was sorted at home, one perhaps more in line with my degree. A fresh start.
I didn’t know just how extreme of a fresh start I would be having for midway through last year my wife and I decided to separate. This isn’t something we are proud of – creating a broken home for our daughter when she’s just one year old. I give myself a hard time over it literally every day so please reserve judgement.
I had to move out and found myself in temporary accommodation, moving around a couple of times until I was offered accommodation through the local council (not my dream home by any stretch but grateful to have it), and I was now unemployed to boot. We had some savings, not much, but we split what was there, taking into account the value of the car (she doesn’t drive and I needed it for visitation). We separated just as we were approaching the MOT / car tax / insurance renewal period and so by the time all of that was paid (I paid everything up for the year as I didn’t want to get stung with monthly car payments when I wasn’t secure with earnings) I was left with not too much left (we’re talking a few hundred), but at least I had the car. I took a trip to the job centre and went on social security. We call it Universal Credit in the UK.
Finding work was tough. My ex-wife and I agreed that I should be in our daughter’s life as much as possible (I had been her primary carer through much of her first year while my wife worked on getting herself better so there was a bond there) and so for much of last summer and into the autumn we had a schedule where I would have our daughter every Tuesday, Thursday and over the weekend from Saturday afternoon through Sunday evening. It was tough as money started to get tight, but it has been arranged through the courts that these are the days. This fits around my ex-wife’s own shift patterns (not that she has gone back to work yet but she will be soon – it’s amazing the amount of time the NHS has allowed her to be off: she’s worked something like two months in the last two and a half years). She'll be working the days I have our daughter. The idea is to minimise shuttling her around different places all the time – she'll either be with mum or she'll be with dad.
What was tougher was finding work to fit around this schedule. My old job was out; all factory work was out; most jobs were out; pals would say to apply for remote work so that I could work from home while my daughter was there; but then I found that care jobs were advertising themselves as being flexible around shift patterns – you tell us what you can do and we’ll work around that. So I applied for every single care job within a 25 mile radius of my new address that I could find on the main website I was using and started booking interviews.
I ended up with several options and went with what felt like the best of them. Then I stupidly got involved in a couple of conversations surrounding abortion as I mentioned in my first post and now I am struggling to figure out what’s best. The job I still technically have but am losing my grasp on more with each passing day fits around this schedule quite nicely. 14 hours on a Monday and Wednesday and 7 hours on a Saturday. This actually leaves me with the Friday each week where I don’t have work or my daughter all day and so can do things like go for haircuts and dentist appointments or chill or work out maybe how to start a business based around my degree.
The other jobs I’ve been trying to quickly add to my potential options pool don’t seem to be quite as good in terms of shift patterns to the point where I would be able to get the hours in but would lose my Friday as I’d be doing split shifts – no one needs home carers from lunchtime until dinner time it would seem.
They do have a zero tolerance policy on abuse though. My current job doesn’t and so it can be difficult dealing with service-users who are constantly aggressive and abusive. Staff say to bear with it – they get better the more they know you and if you wait until a new start arrives then it will be them who get the brunt of the abuse putting you in the clear. I am on the core team of the most abusive of these guys (there are only so many people that are willing to work with him so I get him every morning).
To be honest it’s this element of the job that’s putting me off going back the most. Maybe this means I’m not built for the sector, I don’t know, but hearing about a zero tolerance on this type of behaviour makes these new positions sound like better options.
I was away for a few days last week to attend a funeral of a friend. He was only 46. Nightmare. They thought it was a heart-attack during the night but family reckon he had been stockpiling medication and had settled some personal affairs recently that had been lingering over him for a while. Friends at the funeral spoke of how there seemed to be changes in him in recent months. I do remember him saying to me several months ago that he wouldn’t care if he died right now – the best days of his life were behind him. I was too preoccupied with my personal situation of divorce and so on to pay it much mind although we did chat about it for a while at the time.
It’s put things into perspective. I’ve been through some **** in the last year but my mental health seems fine. I’ve maybe gained a few pounds but otherwise I am managing. I contacted the Samaritans helpline the other day and chatted with them for about an hour. We spoke about my friend and his death potentially being by his own hand; the situation with my ex-wife and daughter; and my problems at work. For some reason we got to speaking about Bronson Battersby, a two year old boy who died of starvation alone in his basement flat in January in England after his father died of a heart attack through the night. We put my mentioning of this down to perhaps my own guilt over what my wife and I have done to our daughter who is the same age as little Bronson. It has haunted me a lot over the last couple of months, that story. Overall I feel okay though, optimistic even.
My daughter won't be two forever and after the summer she'll make the big move to nursery and then she'll be at school and so on. My shift availability will change around this and the visitation schedule will evolve to accommodate these changes as time goes by. I'll have more working options. At the moment though I have a schedule to stick with. Childcare is super expensive but maybe I could start looking at it as a way to increase my earning potential and the hours I can work. I have a friend who is a single dad working 9-5, Monday to Friday and he spends more than a quarter of his income on childcare – and both of his kids are at school! Welcome to the real world, I guess.
So I’m fine with people telling me that I need to grow up and make a decision about what I’m doing and let my current job know where they stand; or that I am ******* this up 1000000000%. Totally cool with all of that. Keep it coming. It’s good to know how others view my (mostly poor) decisions and helps me realise the urgency I have to work with at the moment and how it’s not just myself I’m letting down.
But please don’t accuse me of trolling. This is my life, not some story I’ve made up. Just someone stuck in a bit of a ****** situation trying to get out of it all the while causing the least harm possible.
Thanks for giving this your time.
Update, was working those two agency 0-hour contract jobs for a few months (got work some weeks; not so much others) and then stumbled across a jobs fair over the summer and met with people from the local council there.
They invited me along for an interview and I started working a relief post after a month-long training / induction. A couple of weeks back I asked to be transferred over to the full-time position as I noticed they were advertising full-time positions in my locality, had to go through the interview process again and so on, and finish up my relief post on Wednesday next week; starting the full-time post on November 01.
So it's all working out fine. The pay is better than my original position and there are far greater benefits. But it hasn't been easy. I left that initial job in March and it will have taken until November to start working full time again. This new position seems pretty secure though, providing I don't do anything silly like entertaining conversations about sensitive topics.
They invited me along for an interview and I started working a relief post after a month-long training / induction. A couple of weeks back I asked to be transferred over to the full-time position as I noticed they were advertising full-time positions in my locality, had to go through the interview process again and so on, and finish up my relief post on Wednesday next week; starting the full-time post on November 01.
So it's all working out fine. The pay is better than my original position and there are far greater benefits. But it hasn't been easy. I left that initial job in March and it will have taken until November to start working full time again. This new position seems pretty secure though, providing I don't do anything silly like entertaining conversations about sensitive topics.