Soldato
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I'm getting autism vibes from this. I'd want to say try a Montessori school but maybe she's too old for that now. Next best thing would be home-schooling I guess.
Child 13 years old not going school due to severe anxiety and panic.
- Thread starter teenwolf
- Start date
This is so sad. Feel for you OP. We never really get to know what happens at school.
Could something negative have happened on one day and that just taken root?
Do you think changing school might help? Or m asking if that’s what they want?
Could something negative have happened on one day and that just taken root?
Do you think changing school might help? Or m asking if that’s what they want?
Mate I understand all the comments above school is tough at any times for us all we have all been there.
I think what we can gather it started with her drama class, by the time she talked we found out and sorted that lesson with rhe help from the school it may of been too late.
I hated drama too standing up in front of everyone.
Me and her mum separated around 4 years ago she did not take it well which I hate for any child to go through.
she lived with her mum and new fella who was horrible to her and even picked her up in a headlock and threw her out the house.
She is one of 3 the others are excelling still
I still think even though she lives with me and she is happy she still needs her mum but her partner don't want her around grrrr.
Heartbreaking
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It may be a type of social bullying rather than the classic direct bullying.
It can cause very high anxiety and fear of going to school.
She may be experiencing things like being deliberately left out, ignored, outcast from the circles of friends, ridiculed in front of others and put down and a long list of other things.
It grinds a person down over time and is very uncomfortable indeed. Its kinda like stealth bullying.
I suffered it through primary and secondary school as have millions of others no doubt to some degree.
It can cause very high anxiety and fear of going to school.
She may be experiencing things like being deliberately left out, ignored, outcast from the circles of friends, ridiculed in front of others and put down and a long list of other things.
It grinds a person down over time and is very uncomfortable indeed. Its kinda like stealth bullying.
I suffered it through primary and secondary school as have millions of others no doubt to some degree.
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My Daughter is diagnosed with ASD and struggled at times with School, CAMHS (pretty useless, but will help through the process) is a good starting point. Is your Daughter diagnosed with any mental health related issues? Because if not, then CAMHS will be good to get her assessed etc, this is vital in understanding the best path forwards.
The issue we had is my daughter had anxieties but didn't have a clue why, she didn't even recognise she was anxious, and that caused issues with CAMHS initially as they just asked her how she felt, she'd reply 'OK' (she's quite shy) and they'd base everything off that.. I had to request a session with them to explain how she is outside her appointment with them and that set us on the path to a proper diagnosis.. She could have easily been fobbed off otherwise.
Also, a lot of schools take the money for providing the correct resources, but often are hopeless, CAMHS helped with this, they attended several sessions, explained clearly to me and the school what duty of care they had and their responsibilities and I had 4 follow up meetings with them when they literally did nothing, CAMHS intervened for me and made a formal complaint, they where quite disgusted in the blatant lip service the school was paying to their responsibilities.
I did a fair bit of reading around the subject, when the ASD diagnosis was made I tried lots of known techniques, one good one was the dog, I started by getting home on time, then taking the dog out for a walk with my daughter.. everntually I'd get her (with the dog) to meet me at the end of the road, then the end of the estate (I walk home from work) and we'd take him for a walk whilst my Daughter had a major 'download' about the days problems etc, and I'd just listen... We still do this occasionally now when she's stressed, its her coping mechanism..
Hopefully yours may be straight forward, we found that getting to the actual root issue was hard, she deflected irrationally all the time, saying it was one thing, but when you tried to 'fix' that and work on it, you'd just find she'd deflect to something else, it took a few weeks before we realised we were just chasing our tails.. this is where CAMHS and some CBT really helped, we've had to get some private CBT since the CAMHS resources are a bit lack lustre, and it's been eye opening what some of the deep rooted issues were.. these still re-occur 4 years later, but knowing what the issues are really helps in developing good coping strategies!
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Soldato
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Are you aware of any online issues? I know I am going to sound like the old guy here, but I blame online stuff for a big chunk of kids needing counselling/therapy and so on. You must be a bit savvy so don’t ignore that angle.
picked her up and all good so happy for her, she doing 3 lessons again tomorrow and already planning what she is doing next week.
it seems a couple of lessons like drama especially she dont like it.
she loves english maths and science which is a bonus.
it seems a couple of lessons like drama especially she dont like it.
she loves english maths and science which is a bonus.
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Man of Honour
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It’s a real tough one. We have a good few cases like this and there isn’t always an identifiable reason for it. Some of our youngsters seem to have ‘grown out of it’ with masses of support all round, some just haven’t. At best you hope she has a good support network in school who can help and you may just try to start with a few lessons back at a time or with some kind of similarly flexible plan that you’re daughter can help build. I find it really tough supporting them sometimes and worry for them post school, although many seem to push on through it by then. There are loads of extra options for doing exams now too that can help once they reach those stages. Is there a school councillor?
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Over dramatic much.
Once she leaves school, what ever happened in school will make absolutely no odds to the rest of her life. Worst case, she will find it harder to get a college or sixth form place.
Soldato
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christ that is sad.
i went through a divorce and the only good thing i can say was there were no kids involved so i was able to just wash my hands of it and never see them again.
A kid really does need both parents if possible..... none of my business but the mum really does need a reality check if she is putting a new boyfriend before her own child however.
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Permabanned
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And your basing your opinion entirely on assumptions, if you knew her and her family you'd be saying something different.
Half her family are already locked up, the other half have a criminal record as long as your arm. She's already been in trouble for multiple assault and drug offenses.
She'll be in prison before she is 20, if she isn't the village bike by then with a half dozen children.
I have nothing useful to add, but my sympathies. I wish you and your daughter all the best. School can be really miserable but life gets better once its over. As for anxiety, my wife had it so badly in her early 20s that she was hospitalised because of it but now she's a successful and highly paid professor. Your daughter can get past this too.
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Soldato
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small steps and keep reinforcing positive actions, but not pushing.
Get her to stick to her return to school plan, try not to make a big thing is she has a moment and goes back a step.
also see if a friend can come bye and "Pick her up" and/or walk in to school togeather if thats doable. like a support friend.
but good on her for going in to day <3
i am sorry to hear aboutow the new fella acting :/
Girls need their mums, and its not easy when you know your no wanted.
if your with a partner may encurage them to spend some girly time togeather (if the lady s happy to play that role)? she she feels like she has an older friend to feel comfortable to ask female questions ect?
tbh its a packaged deal if your with some one and they have kids you accept the kids as well unless there being little so'n so's!
your doin Good ! keep plugging at it.
Get her to stick to her return to school plan, try not to make a big thing is she has a moment and goes back a step.
also see if a friend can come bye and "Pick her up" and/or walk in to school togeather if thats doable. like a support friend.
but good on her for going in to day <3
i am sorry to hear aboutow the new fella acting :/
Girls need their mums, and its not easy when you know your no wanted.
if your with a partner may encurage them to spend some girly time togeather (if the lady s happy to play that role)? she she feels like she has an older friend to feel comfortable to ask female questions ect?
tbh its a packaged deal if your with some one and they have kids you accept the kids as well unless there being little so'n so's!
your doin Good ! keep plugging at it.
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Terrible, anxiety and panic are legit and I can understand your daughter not wanting to go to school if she’s suffering from panic attacks 
I’ve had my own problems and still do, at my lowest I was having several panic attacks a day including during sleep. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Sending good vibes.
I’ve had my own problems and still do, at my lowest I was having several panic attacks a day including during sleep. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Sending good vibes.
Was going to say something similar, I guess parents don't always want to abuse trust or feel like they're spying on their kids, but have/are you able to see if she's talking to people online and what the content is?
Now that just makes me feel sad for her. As an ex teacher of 11-18's I've seen plenty of cases just like this. heart-breaking really.
Ofc.. I have complete sympathy for the victims of her bullying, however, the cause of it will be at her home.