Christmas jokes

[Azza]

Let's be having them @Feek and @mrk


I'll start off this terrible thread.




Why does Father Christmas have no children?

Spoiler: punchline

He only ever comes down the chimney.

 

[Feek]

I don't understand why I'm tagged in this thread

 

[Maccapacca]

I don't understand why I'm tagged in this thread

 

[something daft already!!]

What is the difference between Snowmen and Snowwomen?

Snow Balls.

That's all I have.

 

[mrk]

I TAKE A FENCE WITH THIS POST.

 

[montymint]

PAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I laughed a lot more than I should

 

[jsmoke]

Why does santa always come through the chimney?

Spoiler: Punchline

Because he knows better than to try the back door.

 

[Stumble Bum]

Only 370 more days til' Christmas folks..

 

[Hakanese]

Why does santa always come through the chimney?

Spoiler: Punchline

Because he knows better than to try the back door.

That was so much more wholesome then I thought it was going to be

 

[Stumble Bum]

I’ve just seen Chris Rea doing a u-turn on the M25.

 

[Hades]

Boris: "You can all enjoy Christmas"

Also Boris: "Haha no you can't"

 

[Pawnless Endgame]

I had these in a text file from a year or 2 back, but I think they're all still relevant

- Which TV Christmas special is being filmed in Brussels this year? Deal Or No Deal.

- Why are there only 11 days of Christmas this year? Because the Three French Hens got stuck at border control.

- Theresa May has asked Santa for a home makeover this year. First thing on the list was a new Cabinet.

- What did Bruce Forsyth (RIP) say when the Christmas pheasant repeated on him? 'Good game, good game'.

- Why did Donald Trump continuously decorate the Christmas tree? Because people kept saying 'moron' to him.

- Why don't Southern Rail train guards share Advent Calendars? They want to open the doors themselves.

- What's the difference between Ryanair and Santa? Santa flies at least once a year.

- Kim Jong Un will play Santa this year in the South's annual pantomime. He said he fancied a Korea change.

- Which supermarket did best in the Holy Land? Oh Lidl, crown of Bethlehem.

- Where does Jeremy Corbyn hang his Christmas stocking? On the far left.

 

[HEADRAT]

Why did Rudolph and Dasher not sell on Ebay, because they were 2 dear

 

[secretspy]

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

Tinselitis

How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus’ weight when he was born?

They had a weigh in a manger!