Christmas jokes

Caporegime
Joined
6 Dec 2005
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36,478
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Birmingham
Let's be having them @Feek and @mrk :)


I'll start off this terrible thread.




Why does Father Christmas have no children?

He only ever comes down the chimney.
 
Tea Drinker
Don
Joined
13 Apr 2010
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Sunny Sussex
I don't understand why I'm tagged in this thread :confused:


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:p:p:p:p:p
 
Soldato
Joined
17 Jun 2012
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11,155
Why does santa always come through the chimney?

Because he knows better than to try the back door.
 
Joined
10 May 2004
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12,060
Location
Sunny Stafford
I had these in a text file from a year or 2 back, but I think they're all still relevant :D

- Which TV Christmas special is being filmed in Brussels this year? Deal Or No Deal.

- Why are there only 11 days of Christmas this year? Because the Three French Hens got stuck at border control.

- Theresa May has asked Santa for a home makeover this year. First thing on the list was a new Cabinet.

- What did Bruce Forsyth (RIP) say when the Christmas pheasant repeated on him? 'Good game, good game'.

- Why did Donald Trump continuously decorate the Christmas tree? Because people kept saying 'moron' to him.

- Why don't Southern Rail train guards share Advent Calendars? They want to open the doors themselves.

- What's the difference between Ryanair and Santa? Santa flies at least once a year.

- Kim Jong Un will play Santa this year in the South's annual pantomime. He said he fancied a Korea change.

- Which supermarket did best in the Holy Land? Oh Lidl, crown of Bethlehem.

- Where does Jeremy Corbyn hang his Christmas stocking? On the far left.
 
Soldato
Joined
3 Oct 2005
Posts
6,237
Location
England
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

Tinselitis :D

How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus’ weight when he was born?

They had a weigh in a manger!
 
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