Soldato
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No swearing
Gilly
Gilly
Competition time: Write a sarcastic note
- Thread starter Jonny69
- Start date
Soldato
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- 21 Jul 2005
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- Frack off, nosey
Beren said:No ***, sorry bad pun
Notice from Management
We will be conducting random samples of Pee, Poop and Bogeys not disposed of in the correct manner. This will be in line with the latest staff screening process. So if you think it's ok to have a quick tinkle on the seat, then lift it. If you think it's ok to Skid the bowl, then brush it. If you want to wipe your snotter then do it in a tissue. If not we will find you. We will hunt you down like the animal you are. Your new job will be to clean all the toilets with your own toothbrush. This will form part of the new dental hygiene policy where all staff will be required to brush their teeth at random times in front of all the staff.
Sincerely the management
We will be conducting random samples of Pee, Poop and Bogeys not disposed of in the correct manner. This will be in line with the latest staff screening process. So if you think it's ok to have a quick tinkle on the seat, then lift it. If you think it's ok to Skid the bowl, then brush it. If you want to wipe your snotter then do it in a tissue. If not we will find you. We will hunt you down like the animal you are. Your new job will be to clean all the toilets with your own toothbrush. This will form part of the new dental hygiene policy where all staff will be required to brush their teeth at random times in front of all the staff.
Sincerely the management
Look, I didn't want to do this, but you made me. I come in here day after day and you, my friend, ruin my experience. Each day I take some time to be alone, maybe take some light reading and go to the toilets. You work here, you know what it's like, I just want to relax. Every second there's someone asking questions and things to be done. So many things to be done... and the stress. Did you know it's actually killing me; my doctor, he's proscribed these pills. When I go in here they stop working though because someone, I'm going to presume it's you, has forgot to flush the toilet and left their snot all over the place. I can't deal with this any longer, it's getting to me, really it is. Now, I'm a sensible man, a nice sensible bloke that just wants to have a quiet poo, but you seem to have an issue with me. You do this every day, my friend, why is that? At first I thought it was an accident, an innocent mistake, but every day? Do you hate me? I ask because I'm beggining to hate you, my friend. Every day you ruin my day, and every day I go home and think about you - how you've raised my blood pressure, how I messed up a meeting because of you, how you need to learn some manners; how I'm going to teach them to you. Oh I think of you, your smirking face at the thought of the hell you put others through, the laugh you unleash as you realise how much worse you make my already crappy existence. It's all a joke to you isn't it? Well Mr I-don't-care-enough understand this - I have nothing left. I've given all the energy I can, I've used up all the patience I have and yesterday, yesterday I ran out of tablets. I can't get to the doctors because I have to work late, because I can't concentrate because someone, you, keep doing these things to enrage me. You don't want to enrage me, my friend, that's not something you want to do. I could make a powerful enemy. You don't know who I am, or maybe you do, but I know who you are. I've taken samples you see so I know more about you now than you do. I know your weakness, I know where you work and I know where you go to the bathroom. I'm giving you a warning, my friend, you do this again, you make it so that I have to tear my hair out and my scalp starts bleeding and I start shaking and crying and ... you make me do this again my friend and you wont like what happens. None of you will. I'm a dangerous man my friend, way over the edge, because of you. You just see what happens next.
Last edited:
Soldato
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loving the last two. Fini, you're scary 
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An excellent submission. 4 Captain Cheeseballs for that. It would have been 5 Captain Cheeseballs but the forum rules prevent be from rating this as high as I would like. And now I can't put a smilie on the end of my comment either. Hmmmf.
Some come here to sit and think
Some come here to **** and stink
I came here to scratch my balls
and read the writing on the walls.
Adapted to:
Some come here to pee on the seat
Some forget to flush and leave me a treat
Some wipe bogey's on the wall.
You people have no manners at all.
How hard can it be
To watch where you pee
The paper can be used for your number two
but is handy place for your bogeys too.
Some come here to **** and stink
I came here to scratch my balls
and read the writing on the walls.
Adapted to:
Some come here to pee on the seat
Some forget to flush and leave me a treat
Some wipe bogey's on the wall.
You people have no manners at all.
How hard can it be
To watch where you pee
The paper can be used for your number two
but is handy place for your bogeys too.
Soldato
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- 14 Jul 2005
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- Bristol
excaliborg said:
If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a dear and make it clear.
Nobody wants to sit in pee.
Keep it clean, you're on the big screen.
Any snot/urine/fecal matter left in the cubicle will be returned to your desk.
InvG
Soldato
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- 10 Sep 2003
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- Midlands
How about:
Please note that this is the LADIES toilet.
and see how many walk back out and check the front door sign in a hurry
won't stop pee on your seats though!
Please note that this is the LADIES toilet.
and see how many walk back out and check the front door sign in a hurry
won't stop pee on your seats though!
Soldato
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