Coverletter feedback :)

sreeve1993 · 3 Feb 2016 at 15:38

Hello everyone,

I would first like to apologize for another one of my 'CV/Coverletter' threads. After all the feedback I received from everyone, I really want to say a huge thank you, as I am much more confident with it.

I have one more favour, I have written up a cover letter as I have found a graduate job which Im very keen on. Link is here:

http://www.reed.co.uk/jobs/it-suppo...to-25k/25367398?source=topmenu.savedjobsdraft

Would anyone be kindly to spare a few minutes of their time to proof read my cover letter and check my final copy of my CV?

.

Note: On my cover letter there is red font, its an area where I'm 50/50 with and need a little bit of reassurance.

Cover letter : https://onedrive.live.com/redir?res...844&authkey=!ALGj6g-Rm9n8cBE&ithint=file,docx

CV : https://onedrive.live.com/redir?res...841&authkey=!AG-eIUePfanxYBE&ithint=file,docx

Let me know what you think

. I want to be different with my cover letter and really get the attention of the reader.

Stefan

Nix · 3 Feb 2016 at 15:42

Remove your personal information Stefan.

sreeve1993 · 3 Feb 2016 at 15:46

Thanks. I keep forgetting to take it off before I post haha

Mason- · 3 Feb 2016 at 15:56

It's great that you've put in a lot of effort and that's apparent. But to me it's all a bit too much. I mean have you really been asking yourself those questions throughout your life?

I've always been a fan of brevity. And it's always got me to where I need to be, agreed it might not work in everyone's case and a lot of it is down to who is reading your application.

Good luck anyway.

WYNIR0 · 3 Feb 2016 at 15:59

I agree with Mason, the cover letter is too lengthy and TBH if I received it I'd think, 'This guy sounds like hard work" and move on to the next CV.

Keep it brief and to the point.

CV looks fine from a quick skim.

sreeve1993 · 3 Feb 2016 at 16:02

Thanks guys, that was one part which I couldnt decide if to keep or not and your first thoughts have clarified that haha.

It has worked for me for my past experiences but now that I'm going into more serious jobs. It sounds likes its time to get rid of it.

WYNIR0 · 3 Feb 2016 at 16:04

Let your CV do the talking.

McGray · 3 Feb 2016 at 16:04

Dear X

Please find enclosed my CV/Application in response to job vacancy Y.

I look forward to discussing the role with you in person. In the meantime if you do have any questions, please contact me.

Yours sincerely

Z

sreeve1993 · 3 Feb 2016 at 16:07

I've just deleted it, it actually flows better

Brizzles · 3 Feb 2016 at 16:11

You make a get up and and go , driven cover letter and your CV lists IT academic qualifications - yet you state 'sales in Topman' as your current role.

Unless i'm missing something you are not displaying a drive towards your relevant goal

Just my 2p

sreeve1993 · 3 Feb 2016 at 16:12

It was my job during university, if that helps?

RomanNose · 3 Feb 2016 at 16:46

Don't say
"One must...."
"It is often said"
"massive achievement"

You're mix of very formal language coupled with very informal language isn't appealing.
You also have typos in there such as "frst".

Also try not to mention that you're a PC enthusiast, it sounds like you're a complete PC bod.

sreeve1993 · 3 Feb 2016 at 16:57

Thank you Roman, I did not realise I used 'massive', It actually made me laugh.

I researched the job requirements of a First line support, I suppose changing "it is often said that", "one must" to that "I researched" would be better

Nomisf · 3 Feb 2016 at 17:00

This is all my personal opinion, and I can be a bit of a door knob... take at your peril,

I presume you Forensic Science degree if general forensic science, rather than technology related (Eg. Forensic Computing etc). If so, I would carefully consider if you want to abandon it for IT at this point, as every day you don't use it the relevance of your degree drops - which can make it hard if you do a U-Turn in the future!

Also, don't be afraid to shoot a little higher than first line - I work at a very well known global software company, and most of our grads have non-it/tech related degrees and many of them work as Technical Consultants. Have a look about, as First Line can be a tough place to break out of!

To your covering letter,

- Make sure its headed matching your CV
- Date and Address it, include full contact details.
- In your first paragraph, quote their exact job title "IT Support Technician, Graduate" & Include the Reed reference number
- Drop the dialogue and detail, they can read the CV so don't quote chunks.
- Loose the "I can assure you..." part., it detracts from an otherwise professional tone.

I would go with something like,
"Dear Sir/Madam,
I wish to submit my application for the position of "IT Support Technician, Graduate" as advertised under reed.co.uk reference ######.
I feel my recent experience and recognition in customer facing roles, coupled with my extensive technical knowledge ....."

Keep it short, half a page with header, ending with you last paragraph.

For the CV,

- Move the CompTIA stuff out of the first paragraph, see below.
- Second paragraph seems mostly tech, drop the internal training part, see below.
- IT CVs in my experience normally have a tech dedicated section - so drop "Professional Profile" and create "Technical Skills" and "Professional Skills" make the tech skills very brief , eg. "Windows 7/8/8.1/10 Troubleshooting"
- Change quals to "Education & Training", include prospective CompTIA and work training with a specific title "TOPMAN Customer Interaction Training".
- Re-Work "Internal Company" stuff from Employment section, I doubt the reader will know what development credits are, so just say "Promoted to Advanced Sales Whatever"

Otherwise it looks good

Sorry for the tl;dr! Happy to help edit/comment it further if you like

sreeve1993 · 3 Feb 2016 at 17:18

Hello Nomisf,

Thank you for your feedback, the degree I have is general forensic science and the reason that I don't want to go into it is because I did not enjoy it. When I got older my interests changed. Halfway through my degree It was too late to change course and instead of quitting I stayed and finished it.

The parts I did enjoy was policing, criminology and digital forensics.

dl8860 · 3 Feb 2016 at 17:21

Although obvious when you look at the dates, you need to make it clearer that your employment at Topman was whilst you were at university. I didn't realise until your post above that this was the case, and bad as it is, assumed that you had just been languishing in a going-nowhere retail job for 3 years before deciding to start your career proper. So definitely make that a lot clearer.

I would also try and place some emphasis on your degree, yes it is a different field than that you are applying for, but by not mentioning it you make it look as though you might as well have not bothered with it! Surely there are some transferable skills in there you can shout about

Nomisf · 3 Feb 2016 at 17:39

sreeve1993 said:
Hello Nomisf,

Thank you for your feedback, the degree I have is general forensic science and the reason that I don't want to go into it is because I did not enjoy it. When I got older my interests changed. Halfway through my degree It was too late to change course and instead of quitting I stayed and finished it.

The parts I did enjoy was policing, criminology and digital forensics.

No worries, makes sense

I know a couple of guys who went into Digital Forensics as Grads, one of whom didn't even have a related degree - maybe have a hunt around.

craig_t · 3 Feb 2016 at 20:01

McGray said:
Dear X

Please find enclosed my CV/Application in response to job vacancy Y.

I look forward to discussing the role with you in person. In the meantime if you do have any questions, please contact me.

Yours sincerely

Z

I disagree. When a job advert is put out there, hundreds of emails a day come in. If there isn't a decent cover letter tailored to the position I'd bin the mail and move to the next.

Imagine you have 100 emails per day for this job, open for 2 weeks you have 1400 mails. You need to do an initial filter down somehow, for me it would be lets see who's made an effort to tell me why they would want the job and why they should have it. If 10% of them have done that, then that 10% would be reviewed.

I think your approach is lazy and the reason many people don't even get a reply to an application.

Josh107 · 3 Feb 2016 at 21:50

Pride of butthole award? Maybe don't put that one on a CV.

sreeve1993 · 3 Feb 2016 at 22:02

Thanks for the feedback.

@dl880 I do agree with you, trying to sell off my degree is difficult in such a different field. I have thought about some transferred skills but they are just the typical stuff.

@Josh107, well clearly someone has changed it. My original CV does not have it haha. Think the link allows for editing, to give people to change things to show examples

. Clearly someone became the age of 11 again