Dealing with Cancer

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movingtables

movingtables

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just a progression of my other thread really:

https://forums.overclockers.co.uk/threads/stomach-ulcer.18850421/

TLDR: my dad (74) was diagnosed with stomach cancer last week
In it's early stages (described as evidence of cancers cells around the ulcer) and has not spread.
find out treatment options soon.

I know I'm not the only person to be effected by this disease (cancer).
I think I'm sort of in the limbo stages at the moment as we are yet to hear
treatment options.
Part of me feels sad for my dad, another part feels angry and another part of me
has accepted that he may not make this journey and i need to get used to this idea.

I was just curious if anyone else had gone through these stages, whether you was ill yourself
or a family member.
I'd be interested to hear some personal stories of success and loss and if loss is your story
was it kind of a release of emotions to know the effected person was free of illness/pain.

my dads option will either be surgery to remove part or all of the stomach.
another option would be chemo.
my dad is 74 and i wonder to myself maybe chemo although unpleasant could keep it in check for a few
years instead of major surgery which "may" reduce the quality of the rest of his life.

anyway thanks for listening but would appreciate any replies even if short :)
 
Hades said:
Sorry to hear the news. Unfortunately I've a lot of experience of cancer; in 2002 my father died of lung cancer with a secondary brain tumor. He had chemo in an attempt to extend his life. In 2011 I managed to beat a stage 1 testicular cancer with surgery and radio therapy and still have regular checkups. They never say you've actually beaten it but it's been so long ago now that I would be surprised if it returns. I posted a long thread on it back in 2011 so I'll try to find that. Now, sadly, my mum is having chemo for terminal cancer of the esophagus, with secondary lung and tonsil tumors, to try to extend her life from months to maybe a year. She was only diagnosed very recently.

My mum's treatment might be most relevant here. She's having three courses of chemo where every course she spends a day having an intravenous treatment at the hospital, followed by daily tablets at home for the rest of the three weeks. She's in the middle of her first round and so far she's finding herself very tired and sick for that first week. But she's been feeling progressively better and in less pain after that. Presumably it will be the same during the next cycle.

So I've a fair bit of experience if you have any questions or just want to PM. Good luck. Hopefully it's treatable as it has been found early. But I understand it's a very difficult time.


EDIT: Here's my thread from 2011:
https://forums.overclockers.co.uk/threads/dont-forget-chaps-check-down-below-occasionally.18325829/

Sadly both of my parents smoked throughout their lives and I attribute their illness to it. They got addicted to it when the risks were not known by most people so I understand it. But anyone who takes it up today is an idiot.


EDIT again: To answer thee question about whether the loss of my dad was a sense of relief; yes it was as he was very ill at the time and we knew there was no possibility of recovery.
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sorry to hear you are so experienced but glad you beat it.
thank you for replying and i hope your mum gets some extra time with you.
 
jsmoke said:
That's harsh to hear, let's hope for the best.

My dad has advanced prostate cancer which has spread to his bones. He gets a hormone injection every few months and takes a variety of pills. It's made me realise how cold I've become as a person as I have little reaction, there's a reaction in me somewhere but buried deep down. Life can tend to make your bury your emotions and if you do that for too long they kind of disappear.

So it's a strange time, I should be more upset or at least something but I'm very neutral. He's a good guy, was a school and college teacher in science, very hard worker and very reasonable person, all his pupils spoke highly of him, giid sense of humour and good at telling stories. I sometimes feel like that generation are/were a different species, so different to me/us in many respects. More fearful, disciplined, church going, respectful, better humour. I could go on and on and on about the better qualities.
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your current feelings may be related to how you are dealing with the news in a way that presents as cold but you may just be
convincing yourself that it's not really happening because thats how some people cope including myself.
 
just to say thank you to everyone for replying I'm taken aback by the response
and kind words, so for that i thank everyone.
I've read every reply and i wish everyone the best of luck.
I'd like this post to remain as active as possible and not just be about me.
if others have an update on their circumstances please update and share.
I've been a member of this community for 15 years and that's the key word "community".
once again thanks you all :)
 
Robdav said:
Sorry to hear your news, and as already been said before by countless others, be strong for your Dad.

Most of my family have been touched with cancer but luckily ever one of us is still here today:

Me - Prostate Cancer - 10 years ago
Dad - Prostate Cancer - 14 years ago
Brother - Throat Cancer 6 years ago
Wife - Skin Cancer - 5 years and counting as this cancer simply does not go away :(

... and lost both male grandparents to Prostate Cancer

How did we deal with it.. by putting one foot in front the other other and repeating every single day. Also research for us, know thy enemy!

good luck OP!
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Crikey.
thanks for the advice buddy, stay well.
 
Energize said:
Sounds like at this stage it is curable with surgery no?
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I really hope so.
he is going for a fitness/lung test at the hospital
today (exercise bike) I think its to see if he's up to surgery.
it's a major op to have a part/full stomach removal and he is 74.
they may just decide chemo to keep it in check for a number of years.
 
so my dad went for his fitness/lung test today.
he went on an exercise bike and peddled away for 9 minutes
in the "zone" lol.
they just said he did very well but results will take a few days
and they will contact him.
hopefully he is fit enough for surgery and can rid his body of
this intruder :)
 
Double07 said:
My mother was diagnosed with cancer at 58 and was dead within 3 years after chemo, et al. I didn't really understand half of what was going on half the time, it was all just a big foggy mess to be honest. With a bit of time for me to be able to think about things I can tell you this. Everyone has a different experience and you won't have the faintest idea of how it will affect you until you have to deal with it for real. That being said you can think about quite a few things that you absolutely can control, and should always try to remember.

Ask questions, and I cannot emphasise this enough. You, and your family, will probably be a bit dumb struck to begin with and just nod at the doctors, only taking in about half of what they say. Later on you will remember about 50 questions you meant to ask but forgot because your brain was a steaming pile of hot garbage at the time. This is normal. Write questions down to remind yourself and don't be afraid to ask the doctors, no matter how stupid you may think the question is. Some doctors are better than other, obviously, but make sure you are "happy" with what they are telling you and you understand it as best you can. The internet is great for clarifying terms you might not quite understand but DO NOT start diagnosing things with google, it never ends well!

Think about the positives, such as they are, and I use the term without meaning to be insensitive. Cancer isn't the killer it used to be, sure it's deadly and nasty as hell but treatment has came on leaps and bounds in the last couple of decades so listen to what the doctors have to say and try to focus on the positives, without sugar coating it of course.

It depends on your personal situation but there is help out there, McMillan are frankly amazing in my experience. I gave up work to care for my mum full time and there really wasn't much family around so it was tough. A couple of times a week a nurse would come and sit through the night so that I could get a proper sleep (ish) and it really helped. They are also at helping in all manner of ways when it comes to coping with cancer. It can feel hard to ask for help, or talk about it, but it is there and can be a godsend.

Frustration will creep in, the NHS is amazing but it's not a perfect. There will be times when you want to scream at the time things take, cancelled appointments, and generally feeling like it's not doing it's job. Try to remember the amount of people in a similar situation and where possible take it on the chin. I found that whilst the doctors were always very abrupt and to the point I could see why, the nurses were a different story but I suppose that is kind of what you would expect when you think about the bigger picture.

As for your emotions being all over the place, that's normal, as silly as it may sound. I still have times when I blame myself for not forcing my mum to goto the doctor sooner, but the truth is you just don't really realise how serious things are until sometimes it's too late. This doesn't sound to be the case here, so think about that as a positive. And trust me there are times when I rage against the world because I am still raging that my mum had a pretty tough life, worked hard to get what little she had and just when re was reaching retirement age and might have a chance to enjoy her life a wee bit and do the things she never could when she was younger it was taken away. It's understandable to feel like this but it's just part of the process, and I suppose what makes us human.

I am rambling here but I know what you are feeling, to a point. Your dad is 74 and by the sounds of there are going to be options, some better than others no doubt, but options nonetheless. Until you have a better understanding of what those are, the implications, and possible outcomes, then you really are just guessing and if you are anything like me then you guess the worst everytime and that's not good for anyone. There is ALWAYS someone to talk to, could be a stranger in the pub, your partner, brother, sister, McMillan, whoever. And that's something to remember.

Hopefully things go well, and the prognosis is positive.
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thank you so much for your reply and sharing your story and sorry for your loss.
some great advice there that i will keep coming back to read again and again :)
 
Double07 said:
I just read my reply back and my first sentence was not meant to sound so bleak! Was just trying to give some context, but like I say everyone has a different story and no reason that yours cannot be one of the happier ones!
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it's ok i fully understood it in the context you ment :)
 
just an update on my dad after his meeting with a consultant surgeon.
he is going to have a PET scan soon and a laparoscopy just to confirm nothing has spread.
up to now there are no visible tumours or mass's..
once confirmed it will be a partial or total removal of the stomach.
 
TheOracle said:
@movingtables my mrs dad has stomach cancer a couple of years ago. He had an operation to remove part of his stomach.
Been fine ever since....and still eats like a horse. I really hope everything works out for the best!!!!!

wasn't there something in the news only this morning that scientists have found a new drug which attacks many forms of cancer? There is hope...
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Cheers buddy glad he is doing well.
 
Hades said:
Well that was unexpected. While worrying about my mum's cancer and being ready to dash up there if needed, her partner was instead suddenly rushed to hospital overnight and is in intensive care unable to breath. He's had heart problems recently but took an unexpected dive last night. 50/50 whether he will pull through. Not sure how they will cope if he does come out of hosp as she's in no state herself to look after him. They aren't close to me and I have a family and work down here, but I may have to consider moving in with them for a bit to help.
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ah man stressy times.
deep breaths m8
 
well he had his PET scan yesterday. gets results next Thursday.
then a small op to look in the front of the tummy soon before they can give
the go ahead for the stomach removal op if everything is clear.

ahh the waiting lol.
 
bigmike20vt said:
I hope it all goes well for you and your family. Every time i see my parents they seem that bit more frail - my dad is 73.

My grandad had bowel cancer, he was... must have been late 70s. obviously we were all terrified, at that age any surgery is risky..... however he came through it and lived to the ripe old age of 94.

The surgery went really well, the chemo made him feel rough at the time, he lost a lot of weight and hair, but it was not all terrible, and he got through and and it meant he got to see me get married (twice) find out he was about to be a great grandad - sadly never saw him - and had another 15+ years of life much of it cancer free.
I would say be with him when he sees the consultants as in my grandads case at least the shock meant he did not take it all in, and just support your dad as much as you can and hope he takes the docs advice.
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thanks for your reply Mike.
 
just found out my Dad has got months to live.
spread to his liver etc.
he's such a gentle laid back man (74) and
he is very upset and shocked.

love you dad x
 
thanks guys.
i'm a very logical person and i accept
my parents wont live for ever but
what got me was when he walked through the door
and he was crying and saying he only has months to live
and that he wants to give me his car.
he doesnt deserve this (no one does ) but if i could swap with him and take this death for him i would do it instantly.

thanks again for all the support.
 
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