Dealing with Cancer

thank you to all that replied.
although he has morphine the devastating part is watching him in pain laying in bed asking me to hold his hand.
he crushed me last night when he said he'd hope he'll be around to watch the golf open in a couple of months.

my poor gentle dad, why x
 
how did other people cope with just getting this news?
one minute i'm coping then i break down.
i don't know what is worse, "knowing" someone is dying or them "just" dying one day.
i'm a 44 year old man and im crying none stop lol .
 
my dads journey's end is very close.
he is in the next room dying as i type.
i have to keep walking out i'm a mess.
my elderly mum and my brother are with him.

i was expecting this but i've never felt heartache like this.
my poor dad was so gentle and kind he didnt deserve stomach cancer.
i love him so much but i want him to go now. :(
 
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thanks for the reply's it is appreciated.

to our amazement he's sat up in the bed a few times
to have a ciggie :D
had a few wee's in the bathroom.
i can't help but think today was a dress rehearsal for what's to come.
 
terley said:
Back in 2016 my dad was diagnosed with diffuse large b cell non-hodgkin lymphoma, 11 months later i was in a similar situation to you.. Told he was 24-72 hours left and asked to sign a DNR as he detireorated.


It is hard to know what to say in terms of what to prepare for, but remember that the dying process is very natural. Don't overcrowd the room, make sure it is comfortable and ensure that friendly conversation is going on around him even if you think he can't hear, he probably can and this will bring great comfort.
In my dads case at least he was visibly in distress trying to fight the dying process away, this was exceptionally traumatic for us to witness, flailing arms etc. Eventually once the nurses have attached the syringe driver and the morphine is flowing this will ease up, the sooner you can get the staff administering the maximum amount of medicine to ensure comfort the better, luckily my mother (his ex wife) was a paliative care nurse for many years and helped us communicate with the nurses to ensure he had the highest dose possible.

In my fathers case his hands became very hot towards the end, his skin started to discolour as blood started to gather in the extremities, this as far as i know isn't perticuarly normal but it was a side effect of the sepsis caused by the cancer. The usual process has the extremities going pale and losing blood, thus going cold. The blood will move towards the chest and vital organs similarly to hyperthermia, the telltale sign for knowing that the time is near is when the nose becomes cold.

The moment of death can vary, don't expect a quiet and easy end. Often the diaphram inverts as the heart stops and fluid is often brought up during the death rattle, this can make it seem like the person is choking, they aren't at this point they have passed, but it is a part of the natural process. The quiet easy death can still occur however.

Studies have shown that the brain can stay active for a number of minutes following death, try and remain calm and hold your fathers hand, tell him how much you love him and how you will make him more proud than he already is.

Visiting hours don't apply to you.

You may feel like a weight has been lifed or a sense of relief once he has passed, this is normal and do not feel guilty for it. Cancer isn't about the death, it robs you of a good nights sleep from diagnosis to either cure or loss...

I am sorry for being so honest with this, but i wanted to share my experience.

I wish you all the luck moving forwards and hope your dad has a peaceful passing.
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Thank you that was a beautiful reply.
 
he's still hanging in there my dad.
in all the confusion since friday when the pain got a bit worse
i hadn't noticed they had upped his oxy in his syringe driver from 30mg to 50mg
which is quite a jump.. they usually go up in 5mg's.
nurses are going to review it tomoz morning so i'm going to ask them to drop to 40mg
because at the moment he looks like he's on tour with the rolling stones back in old days lol.
 
my dad has not eaten for over a week now.
sleeps most of the time but has times where he sits up in bed for a cup of tea and a fag.
fathers day today and i was discussing funeral wish's / arrangements with him. so surreal.
 
Maundie said:
Ah mate that's *****, just got back from visiting my old man who has terminal adrenal cancer and he's not great, he's really deteriorated since Xmas and being father's day really is a kick in the nuts seeing him so bad, he can hardly keep his eyes open and when he talks he is really difficult to understand. It's bad seeing my dad suffer like he is, such a strong proud man who's now reduce to a shadow of himself.

Know how you feel and my heart goes out to you, stay strong mate.
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same to you mate, so very sad innit ;)
 
So today at 10:10am my dads cancer journey ended.
his pain had ramped up but the nurses came to the house and made him comfy and he went in his sleep in the end.
rest in peace my lovely dad: 1944-2019 xxx
 
Jester* said:
So sorry to hear Movingtables.

In a dreadful addition to this thread my father was meant to be being discharged into home care Tuesday.

But Sunday morning his blood sodium levels dropped off a cliff and had to be sedated to administer treatment. After about 10 hours of watching him fight as his blood CO2 levels increased as his breathing started to suffer and the underlying MND took its toll. In the few lucid moments we had with him he asked us to let him go, and we asked the nurses to stop attempting to treat the sodium/CO2 levels while making him comfortable and changed sedative. Within 30 minutes he passed away at 12:18 this morning.

He will be missed. This is all I can bare to type right now, but I feel I need to type something.
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ahh sorry to hear that m8. it's an indescribable brick in stomach feeling isn't it.
 
Thanks to all who have replied and continue to reply.
just had the funeral director visit us at home to discuss matters.
got the death certificate yesterday and will register the death on Thursday.
 
wandgrudd said:
I lost my mum very quickly end of march, it gets better but don't be surprised if it just comes over you at the most random times, I can be sat in work and suddenly get the worst sense of sadness then 10 minutes later I am fine. its apparently perfectly normal but it doesn’t feel like it at the time.
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Thanks for the heads up m8
 
Got a lot done today.

death registered / funeral is week today (25th).

viewed my dad in chapel of rest.

Next week i'm back to work mon/tue/wed then off
for a long weekend.
 
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