just a progression of my other thread really:
https://forums.overclockers.co.uk/threads/stomach-ulcer.18850421/
TLDR: my dad (74) was diagnosed with stomach cancer last week
In it's early stages (described as evidence of cancers cells around the ulcer) and has not spread.
find out treatment options soon.
I know I'm not the only person to be effected by this disease (cancer).
I think I'm sort of in the limbo stages at the moment as we are yet to hear
treatment options.
Part of me feels sad for my dad, another part feels angry and another part of me
has accepted that he may not make this journey and i need to get used to this idea.
I was just curious if anyone else had gone through these stages, whether you was ill yourself
or a family member.
I'd be interested to hear some personal stories of success and loss and if loss is your story
was it kind of a release of emotions to know the effected person was free of illness/pain.
my dads option will either be surgery to remove part or all of the stomach.
another option would be chemo.
my dad is 74 and i wonder to myself maybe chemo although unpleasant could keep it in check for a few
years instead of major surgery which "may" reduce the quality of the rest of his life.
anyway thanks for listening but would appreciate any replies even if short
My mother was diagnosed with cancer at 58 and was dead within 3 years after chemo, et al. I didn't really understand half of what was going on half the time, it was all just a big foggy mess to be honest. With a bit of time for me to be able to think about things I can tell you this. Everyone has a different experience and you won't have the faintest idea of how it will affect you until you have to deal with it for real. That being said you can think about quite a few things that you absolutely can control, and should always try to remember.
Ask questions, and I cannot emphasise this enough. You, and your family, will probably be a bit dumb struck to begin with and just nod at the doctors, only taking in about half of what they say. Later on you will remember about 50 questions you
meant to ask but forgot because your brain was a steaming pile of hot garbage at the time. This is normal. Write questions down to remind yourself and don't be afraid to ask the doctors, no matter how stupid you may think the question is. Some doctors are better than other, obviously, but make sure you are "happy" with what they are telling you and you understand it as best you can. The internet is great for clarifying terms you might not quite understand but DO NOT start diagnosing things with google, it never ends well!
Think about the positives, such as they are, and I use the term without meaning to be insensitive. Cancer isn't the killer it used to be, sure it's deadly and nasty as hell but treatment has came on leaps and bounds in the last couple of decades so listen to what the doctors have to say and try to focus on the positives, without sugar coating it of course.
It depends on your personal situation but there is help out there, McMillan are frankly amazing in my experience. I gave up work to care for my mum full time and there really wasn't much family around so it was tough. A couple of times a week a nurse would come and sit through the night so that I could get a proper sleep (ish) and it really helped. They are also at helping in all manner of ways when it comes to coping with cancer. It can feel hard to ask for help, or talk about it, but it is there and can be a godsend.
Frustration will creep in, the NHS is amazing but it's not a perfect. There will be times when you want to scream at the time things take, cancelled appointments, and generally feeling like it's not doing it's job. Try to remember the amount of people in a similar situation and where possible take it on the chin. I found that whilst the doctors were always very abrupt and to the point I could see why, the nurses were a different story but I suppose that is kind of what you would expect when you think about the bigger picture.
As for your emotions being all over the place, that's normal, as silly as it may sound. I still have times when I blame myself for not forcing my mum to goto the doctor sooner, but the truth is you just don't really realise how serious things are until sometimes it's too late. This doesn't sound to be the case here, so think about that as a positive. And trust me there are times when I rage against the world because I am still raging that my mum had a pretty tough life, worked hard to get what little she had and just when re was reaching retirement age and might have a chance to enjoy her life a wee bit and do the things she never could when she was younger it was taken away. It's understandable to feel like this but it's just part of the process, and I suppose what makes us human.
I am rambling here but I know what you are feeling, to a point. Your dad is 74 and by the sounds of there are going to be options, some better than others no doubt, but options nonetheless. Until you have a better understanding of what those are, the implications, and possible outcomes, then you really are just guessing and if you are anything like me then you guess the worst everytime and that's not good for anyone. There is ALWAYS someone to talk to, could be a stranger in the pub, your partner, brother, sister, McMillan, whoever. And that's something to remember.
Hopefully things go well, and the prognosis is positive.
