Did you ever speak with your parents about inheritance?

One More Solo

One More Solo

One More Solo

Soldato
Joined
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Shepley
Partly prompted by the POA thread, my own extended family is rowing over my grandmother’s estate and my mum, who holds power of attorney, is bearing the brunt of it. It’s sad to see and I don’t think my bit of the family particularly cares about the money which makes it worse.

The last thing I would want is a similar conflict over my parents’ estate. As far as I’m concerned it’s their money etc and they can do whatever they want with it. I’d like to tell them as much but it feels like there’s not really a good time to bring these things up! I’m curious how much you have spoken with your parents about it. How did the conversations go? What did you say?
 
Whilst there's never really a good time to talk about it, as it reminds everyone of their own and parents mortality, you can be sure that it's already something your mum has thought about. And it'd better to have the conversation rather than leave it until it may be too late.
 
Being an only child I didn't speak with my parents about it as there's little chance of conflict (currently going through probate for my mums estate and unless secret brother or sister comes out of the woodwork it's academic that it all passes to me once do the legwork on it and demonstrate everything is dealt with properly). Though sidenote, I do wish we'd have had a better talk about funeral arrangements besides a flippant "I don't care, put me a box and call it a day"

But that said I get it, my uncles estate went very much as you're talking about, no will specifying certain assets going to certain places and ended up with solicitors involved and claims being staked that my dad took the brunt of being the executor. Got that bad that on the day since those final cheques were issued I've spoken to most of the involved parties twice; once at each of my parents funerals.
 
My old man has alzheimers and my mum is getting more forgetful by the day.

So last year all 4 of us kids sat down and agreed a plan to support them.

Part of that was me having full access to all their finances and legal arrangements to ensure that they could live the rest of their lives in their home no matter who died when or needed care at some point.

So we know in great detail what they've got and that it will be split equally 4 ways if anything is left when they do go.

But yes, my mum's side got very messy for a bit over the estate and what people had had before (my uncle was given significant capital to emigrate to Oz 40 years ago for example).

So part of our sit down was to detail anything we had had from our parents in terms of loans etc so we all know exactly where we stand before the worst happens and we have to deal with it when emotions are in turmoil.
 
Depending on the potential value of the estate it is madness not to attempt to mitigate inheritance tax as far as possible. If for only that reason you should be discussing the best ways to address this unless your parents have a bizarre desire to hand a big percentage of their hard earned to the government?

The tax man won't be emotional, neither should you and your parents, get talking! :)
 
Both sides of my parents family are fighting over money, inheritance. One side (dad's) already split in two camps who will never speak to each other between now and the day they die.

Side two are speaking as still dealing with the sale of the asset (commercial, rent generating, but carrying a lot of debt), but mother reckons once the asset is sold she'll be dropped like a hot potato.

EDIT:

I should add to answer the question, yes, I speak with my mother all the time, dad died 10 y ago. My mother owns a house but doesn't have a huge income - state pension basically. I told her to sell the house if she needs money for care, rather than try and leave something for the four of us
 
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I think discussing topics like this should be encouraged throughout all phases of our life and shouldn't be left til so late. I understand we struggle talking about our mortality but this situation sounds like an all too common nightmare.

There should really be some kind of public program to help people fully understand the process and encourage them to get things setup well ahead of time.

It becomes almost disrespectful to the dead when families fight over their estate. Would make them wish they gave it all to a cattery to spite the family.
 
Only to my father who insists I know what’s in his will. It’s always an uncomfortable conversation whenever he brings it up.
 
I phone daily too see how they’re spending my inheritance

As far as I know it’s mostly left to the gran kids and the house is split with me and my sister.
 
My Dad left everything to my Mum and my Mum left everything to her kids with the oldest, my sister, being executor. After everything was paid from inheritance money it was split three ways. No fuss no muss about it.
 
McBain said:
Only to my father who insists I know what’s in his will. It’s always an uncomfortable conversation whenever he brings it up.
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Its a good thing though. He's making his intentions clear and that there is a will ! The horror stories all seem to be people with no will and complicated and/or grasping argumentative family.

My situation was simple and because mum knew she was dying had even gone and listed everything on a spreadsheet.
 
My mum has told me and my sister her will says 50/50 and she doesn't want to discuss it.

My sister has been blanking me for five years as, when my mum spoke to a financial adviser, I mentioned she owns a house (where my sister has been living, rent-free, for around five years). Rather than talking to me about it, she now spends all her time trying to turn family members against me.

Two uncles have spoken with me in confidence, saying they are sick of her nonsense, and have removed her from their wills. She doesn't know that, so is just going on being destructive.

I can only see things getting worse in time.
 
When my dad died suddenly his sister and brother, to a lesser extent, started circling like a pair of vultures.
Everything went to his wife, my mum through probate, but she/we had a horrible month of them ringing and harassing her asking what they were getting as their cut. It basically tore that side of the family apart and I didn't see them or my cousins since. That was 20 odd years ago. Incredibly sad what money can do.
My dad was really the only sibling that had made anything of his life and got out of the SE London council estates they were raised in.

Mum is getting on now and I jokingly ask her to get the will in order but she's one of those people that never gets around the paperwork, which is fine, she pootles along fine.

Still it's just me and my sister so I 50/50 trust her :p. I don't need any money I've reinvented myself in Sweden and am in a comfortable state. I have no kids so no need to plan for that.

Everyone should have a will. It should be a state run thing free from private practice law bs. Trust worthy. Anyway it's a taboo subject for sure. Sucks a lot having to deal with it during a bereavement..
 
Not really. I try to convince my dad to give me a tax free gift from time to time but no joy so far :cry: All in jest I should say.

I trust them to be sensible with that sort of thing though so I’m not concerned.
 
My mother is in care, she has severe cognitive issues, and my sister lives alone in the family home. The house is still registered in both my parent's names, though dad died many years ago. My sister, a spinster, has basically claimed the house for herself and refers to it as her own. Mum turned 80 last year and the manager at her home asked me if she had a will. If she did, it would have been drawn up many years ago when dad was alive. I asked my sister and she hit the roof with angry emotional response and didn't speak to me for weeks. So I had to tell mum's home I don't know if mum has a will.

I've always been content with the thought that provided everyone has a roof over their head, I'm not bothered about wills and inheritance, however the way that my sister behaved when I asked the will question, which was not prompted by me, doesn't sit well at all.
 
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