Years ago I started out as a financial adviser, one of the first things we were told to always recommend was a will and estate planning.
Too many people would reject that as it was uncomfortable to talk about for them.
Did you ever speak with your parents about inheritance?
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Years ago I started out as a financial adviser, one of the first things we were told to always recommend was a will and estate planning.
Too many people would reject that as it was uncomfortable to talk about for them.
Wow, that really sucks that your aunt & uncle acted like that & drove a wedge between you and that side of the family. Money does bring out the worst in people sometimes unfortunately.When my dad died suddenly his sister and brother, to a lesser extent, started circling like a pair of vultures.
Everything went to his wife, my mum through probate, but she/we had a horrible month of them ringing and harassing her asking what they were getting as their cut. It basically tore that side of the family apart and I didn't see them or my cousins since. That was 20 odd years ago. Incredibly sad what money can do.
My dad was really the only sibling that had made anything of his life and got out of the SE London council estates they were raised in.
Mum is getting on now and I jokingly ask her to get the will in order but she's one of those people that never gets around the paperwork, which is fine, she pootles along fine.
Still it's just me and my sister so I 50/50 trust her. I don't need any money I've reinvented myself in Sweden and am in a comfortable state. I have no kids so no need to plan for that.
Everyone should have a will. It should be a state run thing free from private practice law bs. Trust worthy. Anyway it's a taboo subject for sure. Sucks a lot having to deal with it during a bereavement..
Soldato
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Sadly most parents don't do the sensible thing and what rich families have done forever by putting in place schemes to avoid inheritance tax.
If there is one thing that will tear a family apart its money. My mother and her 2 brothers had a huge falling out when my grandparents died. The eldest son was executor and my mum and the other brother felt he abused his position in regards to some of their belongings. They both never spoke to him again in the 20 years he lived. She didn't even go and see him on his death bed no matter how much I told her she should.
Now both my parents are in a home, she has psychosis and dementia and is wheelchair bound after a botched hip replacement, she thought I was her other brother when I visited the other day. My dad who was crippled by a massive stroke when he was 49 also now has dementia. Both myself and my brother have power of attorney over their estate, we've since found she had managed to squirrel away a fair nest egg somehow, considering my dad hadn't been able to work for over 30 years I'm not sure how she did it. She always said she wanted to leave something for me and my brother but instead of actually giving us some money or putting us both on the deads of the house she did nothing and now the state will likely take everything for their care. I'm not complaining, its not my money but if she had been a bit more forward thinking she could have done what I believe she wanted to do and leave something for her two sons.
Both my brother and myself swore years ago we'd never fall out over our parents estate, such a shame when you see it tear families apart.
If there is one thing that will tear a family apart its money. My mother and her 2 brothers had a huge falling out when my grandparents died. The eldest son was executor and my mum and the other brother felt he abused his position in regards to some of their belongings. They both never spoke to him again in the 20 years he lived. She didn't even go and see him on his death bed no matter how much I told her she should.
Now both my parents are in a home, she has psychosis and dementia and is wheelchair bound after a botched hip replacement, she thought I was her other brother when I visited the other day. My dad who was crippled by a massive stroke when he was 49 also now has dementia. Both myself and my brother have power of attorney over their estate, we've since found she had managed to squirrel away a fair nest egg somehow, considering my dad hadn't been able to work for over 30 years I'm not sure how she did it. She always said she wanted to leave something for me and my brother but instead of actually giving us some money or putting us both on the deads of the house she did nothing and now the state will likely take everything for their care. I'm not complaining, its not my money but if she had been a bit more forward thinking she could have done what I believe she wanted to do and leave something for her two sons.
Both my brother and myself swore years ago we'd never fall out over our parents estate, such a shame when you see it tear families apart.
My Dad ended up mediating between his siblings. I think it was v tough for him as the youngest of 4 so we're quite open about it all; although he managed it deftly and all still communicate happily.
Got to be prepared to change the plan though as life unfurls.
Got to be prepared to change the plan though as life unfurls.
A few years back my parents updated their will and made me executor, even then, the closest we got to discussing the contents was me telling them to just spend it as they can't take it with them. I'm one of three kids, my sisters I expect would rather like a large inheritance, but I'd rather mum and dad enjoyed the money they earnt, if theres any left I assume my parents have simply instructed a three way split. All that said, it does make sense to start a trust these days, so easy to do and it protects the assests from being stripped for care home fees.
Inheritance is a bugger for causing irrepairable rifts in families, my ex-wifes family all went to war with each other over a wealthy step fathers will, my brother in law had won favour with him and persuaded him to leave his entire multi-million pound esatate to him and him only, its was ridiculous, they were all fighting, the step father isn't even dead!! money does bring out the worst in people, family and friends are worth way more.
Inheritance is a bugger for causing irrepairable rifts in families, my ex-wifes family all went to war with each other over a wealthy step fathers will, my brother in law had won favour with him and persuaded him to leave his entire multi-million pound esatate to him and him only, its was ridiculous, they were all fighting, the step father isn't even dead!! money does bring out the worst in people, family and friends are worth way more.
I have 5 half brothers and a half sister from my Dads side. About 12 months before he passed, my parents rewrote their wills and then gave me (the youngest and their only child together) power of attorney and essentially are leaving everything to me. 4 out of 6 of my brothers/sister are nasty pieces of work and during the 20 years or so of my dad having various cancers and ailments, they did **** all.
My dads half of everything was left to myself in trust. When my mum goes, I have an agreement to give my 2 brothers and some other family members a token that my mum and dad agreed years ago.
My dads half of everything was left to myself in trust. When my mum goes, I have an agreement to give my 2 brothers and some other family members a token that my mum and dad agreed years ago.
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Soldato
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Yes, we had this chat 15 years ago, myself and my sister know exactl;y what is occurring when our parents die, and indeed we each have disucssed and put into legal form exactly what should happen when we di, our spouses die, and the various details for the children should things be required.
It is simple sense. Avoiding the topic is stupid, and should be sorted from as soon as people have kids.
It is simple sense. Avoiding the topic is stupid, and should be sorted from as soon as people have kids.
Yes, my mum has had a will she discussed with us since she was about 65. We've all been given PoA in the case that she is unable to manage her affairs although that hasn't happened and hopefully won't.
I wish I could get my wife to sit down and make a will with me, but she just doesn't want to talk about it at all.
I wish I could get my wife to sit down and make a will with me, but she just doesn't want to talk about it at all.
Soldato
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My parents' is just split between my sister and I. they haven't updated their will since we were children, so there were no grandchildren etc to confuse it.
My grandfather died relatively recently and my grandmother is now on her own. My father had two brothers. One died, and the other moved to Spain. So my grandad re-wrote their will in the past few years. Split it between basically all the family left alive. My remaining uncle got shafted for moving to Spain, which is quite amusing. I'm sure he's going to contest it when my grandmother dies, but my grandfather wrote out the reasons for cutting his share. My father actually argued my grandfather up by about 5%. I think my uncle was just assuming he'd split it with my father, but no chance.
My father and I are the executors because it made most sense at the time, and my grandfather agreed, me being accessible still living localyl (i.e. not in Spain). My understanding is that if someone wanted to redistribute the will, my father and I have to agree to it. And we won't. My uncle is a moron.
My grandfather died relatively recently and my grandmother is now on her own. My father had two brothers. One died, and the other moved to Spain. So my grandad re-wrote their will in the past few years. Split it between basically all the family left alive. My remaining uncle got shafted for moving to Spain, which is quite amusing. I'm sure he's going to contest it when my grandmother dies, but my grandfather wrote out the reasons for cutting his share. My father actually argued my grandfather up by about 5%. I think my uncle was just assuming he'd split it with my father, but no chance.
My father and I are the executors because it made most sense at the time, and my grandfather agreed, me being accessible still living localyl (i.e. not in Spain). My understanding is that if someone wanted to redistribute the will, my father and I have to agree to it. And we won't. My uncle is a moron.
Yes, never a nice conversation but I know where the files are if I ever need them - usually reminded each time they go on a big trip.
I also tell them to spend it, although a big chunk would likely be through the house sale etc.
I also tell them to spend it, although a big chunk would likely be through the house sale etc.
Soldato
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Yes. I’m getting the bulk of their estate. A few thousand are going to charity. I have POA if both parents become incapable with financial decisions.
Have done a will myself. If go before my parents, they have everything. If go after my parents, two charities close to my heart will get everything.
As if I die after my parents without a will, the estate will go to my aunts (one each side) or my cousins if aunt(s) not around. Have little association with one aunt and no association with other aunt and all cousins. Last time I saw my cousins, was at their respective grandparent’s funeral. Why should relatives who have no association with should benefit from my death?
We have no contact with mum’s sister. No idea what’s going on, whereabouts of my cousins - all have about 10 letters after their names with qualifications. Or health of aunt. As my dad says ‘sod the lot of them’
Have done a will myself. If go before my parents, they have everything. If go after my parents, two charities close to my heart will get everything.
As if I die after my parents without a will, the estate will go to my aunts (one each side) or my cousins if aunt(s) not around. Have little association with one aunt and no association with other aunt and all cousins. Last time I saw my cousins, was at their respective grandparent’s funeral. Why should relatives who have no association with should benefit from my death?
We have no contact with mum’s sister. No idea what’s going on, whereabouts of my cousins - all have about 10 letters after their names with qualifications. Or health of aunt. As my dad says ‘sod the lot of them’
Soldato
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God forbid they'd be educated!
How many are finally getting on the property market, often in their 30’s or 40’s.Inheritance what’s that.
I have told my parents to make sure they enjoy their life. They are the generation that has been very lucky with their finances but they have both been super frugal as well and worked hard until they retired. Myself and my brother both have no money issues and although we would benefit from any inheritance, they would benefit more by spending it. I'm sure at some point they will need care and and what money they do have will be hoovered up quickly by the frankly obscene care home costs in this country.
We made a will, but the advice and help we got with doing it was in my opinion very, very poor and confusing. We've basically left everything to our children equally to the best of our knowledge/understanding.
As for our parents. I'm one of 3 and I don't know what the will says, but I know it exists and where to find it. I believe it used to say 3 way equal split but I wonder if they will change it because one of us (not me!) is doing pretty well financially and doesn't need much help. But then, that wouldn't be very fair imo so don't know. We all get on and see each other regularly. I do recall speaking about it briefly in the past with the conclusion being that, yes one exists and yes you are all on it.
My wife is one of two and I don't know what the will says. I would assume 2 way equal split. I might ask her if she knows.
To be honest I think of it really as more money that will affect our kids lives. Both our parents are - hopefully - likely to be around for another 10 - 20 possibly even 30 years. My Grandad lived into his nineties. A lot of it may go into paying for care as well so I don't really think much about it. In my head it's written off and I'll never see any of it. At the point at which we may get some of it, we will likely have already got through most of the struggle of our ridiculous mortgage (probably. possibly. god knows). So then it becomes more of a later life amount of money we may come into nearing retirement. It could be that I'm 70 odd by the time we get anything, at which point our kids are going to need it much more than us. This is exactly how we got on the ladder 2 years ago where we got a little bit from my Grandad. Mum passed it straight down to me and my bro and sis.
As for our parents. I'm one of 3 and I don't know what the will says, but I know it exists and where to find it. I believe it used to say 3 way equal split but I wonder if they will change it because one of us (not me!) is doing pretty well financially and doesn't need much help. But then, that wouldn't be very fair imo so don't know. We all get on and see each other regularly. I do recall speaking about it briefly in the past with the conclusion being that, yes one exists and yes you are all on it.
My wife is one of two and I don't know what the will says. I would assume 2 way equal split. I might ask her if she knows.
To be honest I think of it really as more money that will affect our kids lives. Both our parents are - hopefully - likely to be around for another 10 - 20 possibly even 30 years. My Grandad lived into his nineties. A lot of it may go into paying for care as well so I don't really think much about it. In my head it's written off and I'll never see any of it. At the point at which we may get some of it, we will likely have already got through most of the struggle of our ridiculous mortgage (probably. possibly. god knows). So then it becomes more of a later life amount of money we may come into nearing retirement. It could be that I'm 70 odd by the time we get anything, at which point our kids are going to need it much more than us. This is exactly how we got on the ladder 2 years ago where we got a little bit from my Grandad. Mum passed it straight down to me and my bro and sis.
I was 30 when we brought our house.