Did you ever speak with your parents about inheritance?

[fryups]

Having gone through this recently with partners family. You should most definitely discuss issue of inheritance, care requests and preferences etc far far in advance of it being needed.

Get a will written, and do it now. It's simple and pretty cheap. Issues with executors of will, if you think there will be any conflict make the solicitor executor and pay for that clarity. IE my brother is currently estranged from us 2 other siblings and mother. I've advised our mother to just have executor be solicitors. Simple.

Power of attorney, those who have gone through it with dementia etc will know there's a high bar before you can interceded, even if you have POA already setup, a deputyship from the court, even harder. And if you dont have it set up then your stuffed for example when trying to help out the older parent who hasn't got dementia but whose partner does.

Inheritance, we've just gone through this after my partners father died with Parkinson's and dementia and sorting out his estate and taking care of her mum's affairs. It will depend on everyone's circumstances but if theres a moderately large estate in question, IE over 500k/£1mill then gifting assets far ahead of time (7 yrs) eliminates inheritance tax, plus you can then take out a 7yr insurance product that will cover and inheritance tax owed in that time.

Don't ignore these things, discuss them and plan ahead. Family dynamics and relationships allowing!

 

[Raymond Lin]

Never spoke about it and honestly.

What is the most difficult thing to overcome is if a Will says "3 equal splits", that would require a lot of the valuable items to be sold in order to be split equally, like a family home or say family heirloom.

It's not exactly going to work if one sibling gets the house and the other gets a diamond ring worth £10k. There is no way to split either of them equally.

It needs to be more specific.

 

[krooton]

Good decision imho, SA has become an absolute hell hole, my entire extended family has moved away, either to the UK or Australia, with one cousin now living in Germany with his wife.

Wanting to get away from a corrupt government, expensive healthcare, and load-shedding/rolling blackouts, has meant their arrival here last year almost seems ironic xD

 

[snowdog]

Are you suggesting something different? I’m also assuming your Dad is in the UK for legal purposes You can of course reject any inheritance after debts are paid.

NL not UK yep.

Now that you say it, I think his possessions are worth it still, there is a lot, really lot of crap (a bit of a hoarder), but the house is also full of PC hardware and thousands in Model train sets.

I personally do not want to think of my parents dying just yet, the debts are however not so severe recent years now that I think of it!

 

[Scougar]

My folks talk to me about it. I don't bring it up.

 

[Dano]

I quite often tell my mother to quit spending my inheritance, and every time I do odd jobs for her and my brother doesn't make mention that it's another percentage point to my advantage, both of course humorous comments and taken as such too, actual discussion, yes, it's discussed and I do think there will be no issues between my siblings and I as we all know her wishes, my father (they've been divorced for decades) on the other hand, not discussed, he doesn't have a will (well into his 70's) and my step brother and his mother (also divorced for a decade or two) are very likely to cause all sorts of grief when it comes to it so much so that I fully expect to get nothing from my fathers side.

 

[413x]

Don't get me started on inheritance. If my grandparents died with nothing we would still be a happy family.

My parents net worth is over 1mln. And they are miserable/depressed.

If my parents die cash rich we will split it equally no question and that's what my parents said. I genuinely don't care. I fiercely independent and in no way have calculated inheritance in my life plans.

 

[Freefaller]

Don't get me started on inheritance. If my grandparents died with nothing we would still be a happy family.

My parents net worth is over 1mln. And they are miserable/depressed.

If my parents die cash rich we will split it equally no question and that's what my parents said. I genuinely don't care. I fiercely independent and in no way have calculated inheritance in my life plans.

best way to be. Although we have a copy of the will and so on and we proactively discuss it, none of my life has taken any of that into consideration - besides I can't bring it into the UK as I'd have to pay tax on it, so I've just written it off as part of my future. Besides they're not cash rich, it's more about assets - and I'm not particularly greedy - already discussed with siblings that I'm happy with the minor share of stuff as I just can't be bothered to have to deal with it - again because I'm still in the UK. If I weren't in the UK I'd probably be more interested, but I'm doing the best career wise in my family so need help the least - I'd rather ensure my parents live as long as possible to enjoy time with their grandkids.

 

[413x]

I have told my parents to make sure they enjoy their life. They are the generation that has been very lucky with their finances but they have both been super frugal as well and worked hard until they retired. Myself and my brother both have no money issues and although we would benefit from any inheritance, they would benefit more by spending it. I'm sure at some point they will need care and and what money they do have will be hoovered up quickly by the frankly obscene care home costs in this country.

I'd say flaw in my family is they value "stuff" too much.

So my parents have all this "stuff" but haven't really travelled etc. My step dad doesn't want to downsize (even though it's needed) and I think it's because partly its downgrading in his eyes and partly because they have so much junk they can't physically face it

 

[413x]

best way to be. Although we have a copy of the will and so on and we proactively discuss it, none of my life has taken any of that into consideration - besides I can't bring it into the UK as I'd have to pay tax on it, so I've just written it off as part of my future.

Yeah my parents have told us of what's left this is how it will be.
All of us kids aren't exactly rich but in no way poor. So we'd rather they enjoy it. Unfortunately due to their inheritance issues. They are not enjoying their last years. Sadly, frustrating and infuriating are my feelings towards that

 

[Freefaller]

Yeah my parents have told us of what's left this is how it will be.
All of us kids aren't exactly rich but in no way poor. So we'd rather they enjoy it. Unfortunately due to their inheritance issues. They are not enjoying their last years. Sadly, frustrating and infuriating are my feelings towards that

I've added to my post to clarify things. Unfortunately it can often cause issues because money makes people behave badly (sometimes).

 

[413x]

I've added to my post to clarify things. Unfortunately it can often cause issues because money makes people behave badly (sometimes).

Below is my blurb from the other post.
I hate Christmas now, I don't think about my extended family much, due to all the issues I just (day to day) don't let it into my head.

Wouldn't be so bad except 5 years ago we were all so close.

Moving to Wales (for the countryside) had the added bonus of moving geographically away. Feel better for it


Money :/

My parents and thier siblings are locked in a legal thing somewhat similar around inheritance and what happened not long before my grandparents passed (and weren't of right mind). It's been all consuming to them. To point where my mum has been on suicide watch.

Part of that was to do with extracting money under dubious (probably fraudulent) circumstances by a uncle.


Roll on 3 years and this is all still going on. Unfortunately only winners will be lawyers.
It has torn my family to pieces and completely ruined Christmas (I've of reasons I hate Christmas now) . I no longer talk to any of my family beyond my patents/sisters as I just can't handle it.

To be honest I can't believe it. 6 years ago if anyone would have said this would be my family now? Wouldn't have believed it. We all used to go around one person's house at Xmas. It was amazing. All gone now over money. Unbelievable really. Just glad to be geographically away from it all. I hate visiting home it's just a miserable place of tainted memories.

 

[Raymond Lin]

Don't get me started on inheritance. If my grandparents died with nothing we would still be a happy family.

My parents net worth is over 1mln. And they are miserable/depressed.

If my parents die cash rich we will split it equally no question and that's what my parents said. I genuinely don't care. I fiercely independent and in no way have calculated inheritance in my life plans.

All my grandparents died with nothing.

The last one died last summer, she was in nursing home for a few years, during covid it was particularly difficult as Hong Kong had strict lock down with no visitors...side tracked there. But she had no money, her sons, mostly one of my uncle who is quite well off paid for all the care for her final years from what i know. But there as no estate, at least nothing of value to split besides some personal things that one can fit inside a safe deposit box.

 

[413x]

All my grandparents died with nothing.

The last one died last summer, she was in nursing home for a few years, during covid it was particularly difficult as Hong Kong had strict lock down with no visitors...side tracked there. But she had no money, her sons, mostly one of my uncle who is quite well off paid for all the care for her final years from what i know. But there as no estate, at least nothing of value to split besides some personal things that one can fit inside a safe deposit box.

That's really sad. Sorry to hear you couldn't visit. One of the hardest things about covid was that.

If mine had died with nothing I'm sure my family would still be friends

 

[Blackjack Davy]

With this and the POA thread it seems this is far more common than people like to admit/talk about. Yes to the question the discussion has been had and me and my sister are to receive 50:50 shares in house(s), finances. There isn't much in mum's bank account so it'd basically come down to the value of the house. My sister got POA over my mother (she's a qualified lawyer/solicitor) so it probably seemed like the logical thing to do for my mother. Mother now has dementia (vascular) and is basically losing the power of rational thought its hard seeing someone gradually disappearing in front of your eyes she's not gaga but her short term memory is shot to pieces there may come a time where she ends up in care. None of us really thought about this we all assumed that like my grandparents one day they're with us and the next they're gone it never occured that there would be a long drawn out decline over many years lord knows where it will all end.

Whats annoyed me is my sister has assumed all control of my mothers estate including finances and kept me in the dark completely and now shes saying its too much and what are you going to do about it? Rather than saying "I need help" its you need to do what I say. So right now I havn't responded I'm trying to think of a level headed way of responding rather than launching accusations and basically falling out. Which isn't easy as I'm somewhat wound up, but she does have POA and its in mum's best interest not to squabble over this so its difficult. She's also in cahoots close contact with mum's partner's daugher who also has POA over him and they're basically acting together and not telling anyone else about whats going on. Mum doesn't trust her and bad mouths her all the time so yeah, its getting difficult.

Father is in a different situation he lives alone but is otherwise completely compus mentus and in good health for his age but we're joint beneficieries but again my sister plays very close attention to him/his will etc its not helped by the fact he lives in spain and we've had to deal with spanish legal inheritence laws including having to visit the consulate in London to get equivalents of spanish N.I. numbers... joy.

 

[Deleted User 234324]

Wanting to get away from a corrupt government, expensive healthcare, and load-shedding/rolling blackouts, has meant their arrival here last year almost seems ironic xD

As much as anyone might hate the tories they are not even remotely close to the corruption levels of the ANC.

 

[Quartz]

Partly prompted by the POA thread, my own extended family is rowing over my grandmother’s estate and my mum, who holds power of attorney, is bearing the brunt of it.

Given your phrasing I assume your grandmother is still alive so "Her will has been lodged with the Office of the Public Guardian." will cover everything.

I’m curious how much you have spoken with your parents about it.

Yes, and I'm not going to give details. Suffice it to say that there are no issues from my side.

 

[bigmike20vt]

i am an only child so quite simple for our family.... only decision really is working out how much to leave my son and skip me

i have suggested to my parents to put it in a trust for him till he is at least 21 - but tbh i would prefer 25. .... but it is up to them ultimately. (he is only 7 at moment) he is already going to be fairly ok once he hits 18. at birth my mum and dad filled an ISA for him, then me, my wife and my parents in law all put £100 a month into an account for him so once he hits 18 he will hopefully have his education sorted (and we will help any short fall)

we are not loaded but luckier than most and some of that i put down to not finishing uni with any debt so i want that for my lad (uni / technical college / apprenticeship depending on if he is good with his hands or his head)

but what i dont want is on his 18th birthday to suddently get access to (for arguments sake) £200k...... i know legally he is an adult but............... lets just say i know what i was like at 18 and i would say i was more sensible than most of my mates.

 

[Werewolf]

Never spoke about it and honestly.

What is the most difficult thing to overcome is if a Will says "3 equal splits", that would require a lot of the valuable items to be sold in order to be split equally, like a family home or say family heirloom.

It's not exactly going to work if one sibling gets the house and the other gets a diamond ring worth £10k. There is no way to split either of them equally.

It needs to be more specific.

The thing there is that for example one of the beneficiaries of the will could buy out the others, or the ring could go to one of them but with them getting less from the other parts of the estate.
IIRC when a will says an asset it to be split equally it normally means the value of that asset, not that you have to cut a ring up or anything like that.

One of my friends was left a share in a house when one of his relatives died, what he did with the agreement of the others was to get the house valued by several estate agents then he paid the others the value of the property minus his share.
It obviously helps if all the people who are named in the will get on with each other and don't start acting like idiots over it.

 

[cheesefest]

Also date your wishes. My grandmother has two conflicting wishes for her ashes. One is to be scattered in the same part of the city crematorium as grandad. Another is to be interred with her eldest grandchild. Doing the latter is going to cost £2k on the council where the graveyard is!

God knows what’s going to happen when she dies! She doesn’t have much money - £10k and Dad won’t be happy paying £2k for lifting up a bit of soil, scatter ashes and put soil down again. My colleague did that with her mum and council charged her £700 for this. Would have been £350 if lived in borough. But she lived with her 2nd husband in the other borough. Only moved to be nearer to two children after he died