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Do any of you guys shave your legs/armpits and other areas?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Jaffa_Far, Nov 30, 2011.

  1. Pate

    PermaBanned

    Joined: Jun 23, 2009

    Posts: 4,744

    Don't Shave That Hair!!!
    I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble.

    No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my butt-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my buttcheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

    I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

    I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my butt of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My butt was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

    Little did I know.

    I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two buttcheaks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

    Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic poo- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky ****/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

    Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my butt off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering ****/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my butt cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own **** blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

    Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my butt at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for butt-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my buttcheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

    As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your butt having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

    Guys, DON'T SHAVE YOUR BUTT-HAIR!
     
  2. Kosmiche

    Banned

    Joined: Oct 3, 2009

    Posts: 14,041

    Location: North Wales

    If you shave does it promote the growth of additional hair?

    I've been told this by a few people but it appears to be a myth, I just want my sideburns to join my chin :(
     
  3. Tummy

    Caporegime

    Joined: Sep 4, 2008

    Posts: 28,660

    Location: Yorkshire.

    I wish, 100% that I didn't read this.
     
  4. LiE

    Capodecina

    Joined: Aug 2, 2005

    Posts: 16,145

    Location: Milton Keynes

  5. R5GTT

    Hitman

    Joined: Sep 19, 2005

    Posts: 907

    I was seriously cracking up reading that :D Fantastic!
     
  6. ic1male

    Capodecina

    Joined: Oct 28, 2003

    Posts: 23,030

    Location: Westchestershire

    I think it's all subjective. To me, you look better with the hair. /homo
     
  7. wannabedamned

    Capodecina

    Joined: Mar 27, 2004

    Posts: 14,011

    Location: Between Realities

    Could you not have sugar coated it, just a little bit? The story, Not your Ass
     
  8. Freefaller

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Jun 5, 2003

    Posts: 87,004

    Location: Falling...

    :eek:

    I do get my back and shoulders done but that's because it's unsightly and I'm too much of a Neanderthal :(
     
  9. Dirk

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Dec 20, 2005

    Posts: 1,594

    "Do any of you guys shave your legs/armpits and other areas?"

    Yes.

    That is all.
     
  10. Vonhelmet

    Caporegime

    Joined: Jun 28, 2005

    Posts: 46,231

    Location: On the hoods

    No, because I am not a cyclist, olympic swimmer, or metrogayboy.
     
  11. Cosimo

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Jan 9, 2007

    Posts: 163,197

    Location: Londinium

    What are you then? :p:D
     
  12. etom

    Hitman

    Joined: Nov 3, 2008

    Posts: 756

    Location: Cheshire

    i usually veet my arse hair, and pubes. armpit hair when summer time also. wouldn't trust myself with a razor down there!
     
  13. Purdy

    Capodecina

    Joined: Jan 4, 2011

    Posts: 20,141

    Brilliant Kenmare
     
  14. Skillmister

    Capodecina

    Joined: Oct 3, 2009

    Posts: 17,974

    Location: Wales

    Was looking for that for ages!
     
  15. Locky

    Capodecina

    Joined: Oct 14, 2003

    Posts: 11,871

    Location: Leicestershire/Derbyshire

    Thread is gay, that is all.
     
  16. ic1male

    Capodecina

    Joined: Oct 28, 2003

    Posts: 23,030

    Location: Westchestershire

    Why?
     
  17. Cosimo

    Man of Honour

    Joined: Jan 9, 2007

    Posts: 163,197

    Location: Londinium

    You have lifted my spirit to a new high. :D
     
  18. Locky

    Capodecina

    Joined: Oct 14, 2003

    Posts: 11,871

    Location: Leicestershire/Derbyshire

    Only shaving that should take place, is the ladies parts ;)
     
  19. DanTheMan

    Mobster

    Joined: Oct 11, 2005

    Posts: 3,786

    Location: Manchester, UK

    I use the hair clippers on whichever part of me feels too hairy. I usually have a number 0 on the head and beard followed by a number 1 on the chest/armpits/pubes/arse. I do my leg hair on a number 4 every few months as they get out of control.

    I've also experienced the horrors of the first few weeks of a cleanly shaven arse. Never again.
     
  20. Nanoman

    Soldato

    Joined: Mar 4, 2003

    Posts: 5,172

    Location: Hereford

    Haha kenmare.
     


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