Anyone drink too much? If so, why?
Why? Because alcohol and alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful. You’ll hear and read those 3 words a lot if you decide to seek help. And seek help you must, if you want to get out of the ever decreasing, destructive circle that alcoholism is.
While voicing your concerns on this forum can be seen as a positive it is only a positive if you are doing it with a clear and sober head.
I imagine you’re not clear or sober of head at this time - the first and often loudest cries for help usually come from a drink addled mind - initially.
You’ve already stated that you escape from reality, temporarily, by drinking but that it is making your depression worse. That’s the cunning (and some say the baffling too) It’ll convince you, like a devious acquaintance that another drink will make things a bit better. And one more and one more and, well, you know where this is going.
You’ll sober up and be baffled how you let yourself get so drunk, you’ll be baffled at how or why you said the things you said, how you did the things you did, because that’s not you. And you’ll swear it won’t happen again.
But life is crappy and that cunning, devious little ‘friend’ is powerful and it’ll start to convince you that today/tonight you’ll just have one. Just one to make the day feel a bit better. Just one, or maybe two, just to help you sleep. But sure what harms another going to do, you’re fine, you’re in control. You’ll just have one more. And the cycle continues.
Cunning, baffling, powerful.
There are ways out of the dire, dread inducing turmoil alcohol puts you in but you need to want to break the cycle. No one can force you to make the changes needed but there are plenty who will help.
Go to AA, sit in and listen - even if you don’t utter a word for your first couple of visits. No one will judge you, no one will lambast you or criticise you. No one will pour faux sympathy and sentiment on you. You’re not unique, you’re not the first and not the last person who’ll be conned and seduced by the booze into thinking that utopia rests in its embrace.
AA won’t cure you and you it might not be for you. But it’s free and you won’t be any worse for visiting a meeting.
Seek help. Wherever or however that may be. If you don’t, life may seem crappy now but it will only get infinitely worse.
If you want to talk more send me a trust message.