Engagement questions
- Thread starter TNGL
- Start date
I think when most people mention about asking her father, it is more of a blessing rather than permission.
As you say, permission - she is not his possession. Blessing - just a respectful way of saying i'm going to marry your daughter.
Caporegime
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1) I didn't, her dad had died about 3 years before I met her.
2) A proportion of GAP is nonsense IMO - Same with spending 3 months salary on a ring. Ring was originally £1750, reduced to £1350. I chose it myself and she loved it
3) Christmas day 2017. We don't buy each other presents but I got some naff socks in Aldi and boxed them up, put some coloured shredded paper in the bottom and hid the ring box in that, then presented her with that on Christmas morning, and said it was "Just a little something"
I was only ever going to buy a single solitaire because that is what an engagement ring is in my book. But also check the number of cuts the diamond has as that will impact how it catches the light, the higher the number of cuts the more faces it has.
Love the honesty. I don't think I have a clue what I said while down on one knee. Just blathered something out and it did the trick.
1) I couldn't as her father had already passed away years before. I did however talk it through with her mother before popping the question.
2) As with other posters, I didn't bother looking at proportion, I just found a ring I thought she'd love that was somewhere around £1500 and bought it. I think the actual ring was £1495 in the end)
3) On the first night of a skiing holiday in the French Alps. Sent her off for a bath whilst I set the scene on the balcony.
Thinking about it, first night was a brave move. If she'd have said no that would have been a very awkward week!
1) She comes from a Turkish family, so I went over there for a few days, introduced myself to them and asked him towards the end. He then asked the other immediate family members and they approved.
2) It was about £300, imported from the US. We got the sizing dead on, thankfully.
3) I don't think I proposed formally as such, but we were out to dinner one evening in Soho and I mentioned that I was thinking that way, and it all went from there.
I think the relationship would have been over. It sounds mad in the West, but parts of the Middle East are fiercely traditional, and I think if he had said no that would have been it. Her only alternative would be to go ahead anyway, and that would be been familicide.
EDIT: Nightwish are a great band, though their older stuff pre-Anette is best [sorry for the OT].
2) It was about £300, imported from the US. We got the sizing dead on, thankfully.
3) I don't think I proposed formally as such, but we were out to dinner one evening in Soho and I mentioned that I was thinking that way, and it all went from there.
I think the relationship would have been over. It sounds mad in the West, but parts of the Middle East are fiercely traditional, and I think if he had said no that would have been it. Her only alternative would be to go ahead anyway, and that would be been familicide.
EDIT: Nightwish are a great band, though their older stuff pre-Anette is best [sorry for the OT].
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1. Yes, I simply asked him. He’s old-school so appreciated the gesture. We have a good relationship so I knew he would be cool with it. It’s nothing to do with daughters being ‘property’. That’s just silly. It’s purely a respect thing.
2. I purposely don't calculate it, but it was the entirety of my annual bonus that year.
3. Grand Canyon, south rim. Part of our first holiday together (Vegas baby!). I’d been before, so I knew exactly where I wanted to propose (over the safety barrier, down a slope and out on a rocky ledge overlooking the canyon).
I was bricking it. I had the ring on me all holiday, terrified of losing it during some drunken escape in a casino/lazy river. I was almost busted right at the beginning of our journey, at the airport. The ring set off the alarm in security and they wanted me to hand it over. I refused politely, trying to explain it was a ring (quietly, the wife was only a couple of meters away) but they thought I was being dodgy and it caused a bit of a scene. When the guy removed it from my pocket and realised what it was, the mood completely changed. At one point I had four security staff congratulating me and shaking my hand - to my horror - with the wife looking on confused. I managed to blag it after, saying it was an old acquaintance. Luckily everything went well, married 3 years this week actually.
2. I purposely don't calculate it, but it was the entirety of my annual bonus that year.
3. Grand Canyon, south rim. Part of our first holiday together (Vegas baby!). I’d been before, so I knew exactly where I wanted to propose (over the safety barrier, down a slope and out on a rocky ledge overlooking the canyon).
I was bricking it. I had the ring on me all holiday, terrified of losing it during some drunken escape in a casino/lazy river. I was almost busted right at the beginning of our journey, at the airport. The ring set off the alarm in security and they wanted me to hand it over. I refused politely, trying to explain it was a ring (quietly, the wife was only a couple of meters away) but they thought I was being dodgy and it caused a bit of a scene. When the guy removed it from my pocket and realised what it was, the mood completely changed. At one point I had four security staff congratulating me and shaking my hand - to my horror - with the wife looking on confused. I managed to blag it after, saying it was an old acquaintance. Luckily everything went well, married 3 years this week actually.
Man of Honour
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1) I did because it's traditional, but also I enjoy that element of the whole thing, and I felt it was also respectful. I love her parents, they had treated me as one of their own since we got to know one another. (I had known them 10 years before we even started dating!). I just asked him up straight - no point in doing anything other than that.
2) I managed to get a mate's rates, but also had the ring completely custom designed, with my birth stone and her birthstone incorporated into it. I think I paid a reasonable amount, but that didn't include the wedding ring. Compared to a high street jewellers I saved at least 50%.
3) Went to Paris (one of the cities I grew up in) as it is familiar and she loves Paris.
Associate
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1. No
2. Just got a nice ring, didn't fall for DeBeers marketing crap of a tradition that was invented in the 1930s (https://www.theatlantic.com/interna...-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/)
3. After a night out in town
Also hate the Eternity ring racket that DeBeers invented as their sales were down.
2. Just got a nice ring, didn't fall for DeBeers marketing crap of a tradition that was invented in the 1930s (https://www.theatlantic.com/interna...-invented-the-diamond-engagement-ring/385376/)
3. After a night out in town
Also hate the Eternity ring racket that DeBeers invented as their sales were down.
Soldato
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- I called him and then went round. Her mum and her brother were there too awkwardly, but they knew it was coming as they'd gone with me to choose the ring, as had she.
- It was about 10% of my income now, probably more like 15% then. I had a value in mind and her parents convinced me to spend more...oh well.
- Pooh Bridge
Brilliant, did you use that story in your speech? that was perfect material.
My first marriage, (1961), we virtually told her parents that we were going to get married.
Engagement ring was £28 in 1960, circa £650 today.
As for a proposal, I vaguely recall getting advice from her younger sister, she said, “Don’t ask her, just tell her.”
My second marriage, (1994), we’d been living together in our own house for 12 or 13 years.
On holiday in Tampa FL in May 1994, I researched the legalities of marrying in the U.S., told her, then we came back in October 1994 and married in a County Courthouse.
I bought her an engagement ring for around £900 a couple of years after we got married, she didn’t ask for this, I’d just seen that every married woman that I knew had one, and it looked good on my wife’s finger, along with the eternity ring and wedding band.
Engagement ring was £28 in 1960, circa £650 today.
As for a proposal, I vaguely recall getting advice from her younger sister, she said, “Don’t ask her, just tell her.”
My second marriage, (1994), we’d been living together in our own house for 12 or 13 years.
On holiday in Tampa FL in May 1994, I researched the legalities of marrying in the U.S., told her, then we came back in October 1994 and married in a County Courthouse.
I bought her an engagement ring for around £900 a couple of years after we got married, she didn’t ask for this, I’d just seen that every married woman that I knew had one, and it looked good on my wife’s finger, along with the eternity ring and wedding band.
1) Yes - just pulled him aside when I had a moment
2) Ignore this silly rule, do what you can afford and what you like. If you're uncertain, come visit the Birmingham Jewellery quarter - lots of good deals.
3) Gondola in Venice (looks like I'm not the only one) If I was to do it again, a nice sunrise on a beach
.Like @naefeart - I had this ring with me the whole time we travelled through Italy. I had to keep making silly excuses why I was locking the case and what was in a plastic bag. In my rush to not forget the ring / get it in the case without her seeing, I picked up the box, the certificate and all the spare boxes ....what a mess that was. To this day, I have no idea how she didn't see this box in my pocket on the night I proposed.
Man of Honour
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1st time
1. Yes. Just came straight out and asked him. We Cornishmen don't beat around the bush.
2. What does it matter how big a percentage of salary you spend? At the end of the day buy a ring that she likes. My first wifes ring was £38 back in 1986.
3. We had been together for 6 weeks and we had fell in love almost instantly so I asked her and she said yes. That lasted from 1986-2001 when I found out she had been cheating on me.
2nd time
1. Yes, it's traditional and I really got on with him. I just knocked on his door and asked him which was quite funny as he said "I thought you were never going to ask her".
2. Again, why does it matter? This one was £399 and that was half price. It was one of those trinity type rings with three diamonds and she went and lost it a couple of years later!!
3. We had already been living together for 4 years and I couldn't see myself being with anyone else. I had just got back from picking the ring up and got down on my knee to ask her and presented the ring to her. She said yes and burst into tears. I got daytime nookies that day!! It still took until 2012 to finally get married and sadly both her mother and father had passed away by then. Next year we will have been married 9 years but been together for 20 years.
1. Yes. Just came straight out and asked him. We Cornishmen don't beat around the bush.
2. What does it matter how big a percentage of salary you spend? At the end of the day buy a ring that she likes. My first wifes ring was £38 back in 1986.
3. We had been together for 6 weeks and we had fell in love almost instantly so I asked her and she said yes. That lasted from 1986-2001 when I found out she had been cheating on me.
2nd time
1. Yes, it's traditional and I really got on with him. I just knocked on his door and asked him which was quite funny as he said "I thought you were never going to ask her".
2. Again, why does it matter? This one was £399 and that was half price. It was one of those trinity type rings with three diamonds and she went and lost it a couple of years later!!
3. We had already been living together for 4 years and I couldn't see myself being with anyone else. I had just got back from picking the ring up and got down on my knee to ask her and presented the ring to her. She said yes and burst into tears. I got daytime nookies that day!! It still took until 2012 to finally get married and sadly both her mother and father had passed away by then. Next year we will have been married 9 years but been together for 20 years.
For my ex (never got married)
The ring was I think 800 ish? I can't remember exactly. It was under a months wages.
I looked at ones I liked and if too expensive picked another.
Seriously, who would care between 500 and 2000+?
If they did I probably wouldn't be marrying them myself!
"how dare you not pay x for this ring, take it back and make sure its a gucci next time, to go with my belt"
The ring was I think 800 ish? I can't remember exactly. It was under a months wages.
I looked at ones I liked and if too expensive picked another.
Seriously, who would care between 500 and 2000+?
If they did I probably wouldn't be marrying them myself!
"how dare you not pay x for this ring, take it back and make sure its a gucci next time, to go with my belt"
I imagine for some people and in some families is does matter. Like if you paid less than a few grand it would be seen as a cheap gesture and you weren't serious or dependable enough for their daughter.
Soldato
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1) Assuming you asked her Dad for his blessing, how did you go about this?
I didn't, we've been together for the best part of a decade and have a house together so it seems a bit silly to do that.
2) In terms of the proportion of gross annual salary at the time, how much was the ring?
A couple of hundred £ as most of our extra income is going on refurbishing our home.
3) How did you propose?
We went out for a nice dinner, came home and made some cocktails and then I proposed. TBH I was a bit drunk and not expecting to even ask the question that night.
I didn't, we've been together for the best part of a decade and have a house together so it seems a bit silly to do that.
2) In terms of the proportion of gross annual salary at the time, how much was the ring?
A couple of hundred £ as most of our extra income is going on refurbishing our home.
3) How did you propose?
We went out for a nice dinner, came home and made some cocktails and then I proposed. TBH I was a bit drunk and not expecting to even ask the question that night.
See I don't understand the respect thing either. Surely the most important person to get the "Yes" from, is the future spouse... how can it be respectful to inform/ask for blessing anyone else before informing the person you're planning to marry? I can understand excitedly telling a best mate/your family, that you're planning on popping the question, but informing her family, before her? Just don't get it.
That said, in the case of the fella above with the very very traditional family from a non-western culture, then I can understand it more, since quite simply without it, you probably aren't getting married.