Fear 'stops child development'

JodieG said:
I don't agree with smacking at all and it doesn't teach children a good lesson does it, that violence is an ok way to solve problems and get what you want. The whole reasoning behind it is flawed imo and it doesn't work as if it did you'd never have to smack again but parents do.
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When I did something really bad like hurt my sisters, I would get smacked and you can bet that I feared the punishment. I should point out that this happened maybe 3 times in my whole childhood.

It is over analysing to say that it teaches children that violence is an OK way to solve problems.

It's true that doing it all the time isn't going to get you anywhere but I would say I'm all the better for getting smacked when I deserved it.
 
Personally I think there are better ways to treat children and that's with respect and like a person and not just someone there to do as they're told. I think if children are brought up like that from birth then it's easier. I don't smack, I explain things to my children and let them learn right from wrong, also to learn about why things are wrong and how it makes other people feel when you do something wrong. My children are quick to say sorry, have good manners and are polite. They have a lot of energy and are always on the go but I don't have any real problems with them.

Alfie Kohn wrote some good books and did some research into discipline without punishment which I believe in too. I don't do the naughty step or anything like that either. We talk things through and understand how what we do impacts upon other people around us. Teaches good morals and empathy in my experience.
 
JodieG said:
I don't agree with smacking at all and it doesn't teach children a good lesson does it, that violence is an ok way to solve problems and get what you want. The whole reasoning behind it is flawed imo and it doesn't work as if it did you'd never have to smack again but parents do.

I prefer the dr sears way of raising children, I've got 3 now and have no problems with any of them so far.
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More it teaches them there's consequence to their actions, You tuch the thing that you've told is hot and not to touch you get burned, you learn not to touch it again, you do something wrong repeatedly but all you get is a talking to, you do it again, you get some pain lesson learnt.
 
markyp23 said:
When I did something really bad like hurt my sisters, I would get smacked and you can bet that I feared the punishment. I should point out that this happened maybe 3 times in my whole childhood.

It is over analysing to say that it teaches children that violence is an OK way to solve problems.

It's true that doing it all the time isn't going to get you anywhere but I would say I'm all the better for getting smacked when I deserved it.
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I just don't agree in smacking, I don't think it's right for an adult to hit a child, if you hit another adult it's assualt so children shouldn't be hit. It's also humiliating and the child shouldn't fear the person they rely on the most in the world. I disagree wholeheartedly. I really don't think it's good for them.
 
Tefal said:
Why should it be common sense?

well over 2000+ of smacking or worse, few years of not doing it and apparently children devolve into marauding cannibals.

Also look at times when there was caining in school (ask your parents), In my school some girl threatened to kill the teacher while yelling in his face and he couldn't do anything, (she was ~16 iirc), they even had to get a woman teacher to try and calm her down, Roll this back to caining times, girl would have received a good slap then a bit of humiliating punishment before being kicked out of school (she only got suspended for a day). I don't know about you but i know which out come I would rather have.
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What im really aiming at is the age where kids dont know any better ie under 5/6?

i know all about caining my grandparents talk about it all the time, its put in a lot of "I remember" conversations, caining is a bad idea in my opinion but i do beleive teachers should be given stricter guidelines and power to take control of the classroom, but really it goes to what i was saying before times have changed from when your grandparents are kids, you cant let your children go to the shops on their own without being in fear.
 
Tefal said:
More it teaches them there's consequence to their actions, You tuch the thing that you've told is hot and not to touch you get burned, you learn not to touch it again, you do something wrong repeatedly but all you get is a talking to, you do it again, you get some pain lesson learnt.
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Not at all. It teaches them not to get caught next time if they get punished the first time. My children understand why they can't do things and most of the time they don't do it because of that and because they trust me and believe in me. Sometimes they play about and act up but usually only when they're stuck in with illness and are fed up.
 
JodieG said:
Personally I think there are better ways to treat children and that's with respect and like a person and not just someone there to do as they're told. I think if children are brought up like that from birth then it's easier. I don't smack, I explain things to my children and let them learn right from wrong, also to learn about why things are wrong and how it makes other people feel when you do something wrong. My children are quick to say sorry, have good manners and are polite. They have a lot of energy and are always on the go but I don't have any real problems with them.
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"Now poopy woopy, you've been a very naughty boy"

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all this over analysing of smacking children... rubbish.

I was smacked a fair bit as a child (ADHD and a late diagnosis that Tartrazine sent me loopy).

I have NEVER been afraid of my father, and respect him greatly... my mother, however, is a Pacifist... I never respected her, or generally obeyed her, as there was no effective deterrent to me to warrant this.

I still to this day believe that if my Dad hadn't smacked me, i would either be dead, or in jail permanently.

Maybe i am an extreme case, but if my child (due quite soon), needs a smack for pushing things too far, then **** the law, he/she will get one. I will NOT have my child growing up being a chav/ned/townie/anti-social little ****

A lot of kids these days are just as bad as I was, and I can assure you,telling them that X, Y or Z is wrong is NOT going to stop them doing it.
 
When my eldest was born we lived by a river and we couldn't get permission to put a fence up. the river ran the entire length of the garden. we also had a aga that ran on coal so was always hot (it heated the house and water) he learn't not to touch it as soon as he was mobile. He was told 'no, hot' firmly, he never burnt himself. As for the garden obviously he couldn't play out unsupervised for a few years but we taught him to swim very early but also that water was dangerous. The point is he found these things out for himself and by listening to me, children have to learn to live with the dangers around them. As for smacking it is never acceptable.
 
my parents only ever needed to smack me on two occasions, and since then i've never done anything as to require one.
 
I agree fully that many/all parents these days are over protective with their children.

What grates me, is germs though. "Oh don't let her touch this or that"...and they wonder why their child is constantly ill.

Kids live in too clean houses these days. As soon as they step outside, their bodies don't know how to cope with the germs.
 
basmic said:
I agree fully that many/all parents these days are over protective with their children.

What grates me, is germs though. "Oh don't let her touch this or that"...and they wonder why their child is constantly ill.

Kids live in too clean houses these days. As soon as they step outside, their bodies don't know how to cope with the germs.
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Now is the age to say "go upstairs and untidy your room!" :D
 
camels5 said:
When my eldest was born we lived by a river and we couldn't get permission to put a fence up. the river ran the entire length of the garden. we also had a aga that ran on coal so was always hot (it heated the house and water) he learn't not to touch it as soon as he was mobile. He was told 'no, hot' firmly, he never burnt himself. As for the garden obviously he couldn't play out unsupervised for a few years but we taught him to swim very early but also that water was dangerous. The point is he found these things out for himself and by listening to me, children have to learn to live with the dangers around them. As for smacking it is never acceptable.
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With your children, you may never have had behavior severe enough to warrant it, in which case, no, it isn't acceptable. It is purely a last resort, but i still maintain that if more parents did this when their child smashed windows/mugged someone/torched something, then the youth crime levels would drop.
 
As for the whole smacking debate, I was only smacked 3 times as a child. It didn't really hurt, but it did get my attention and made me realise that what I did wasn't acceptable. Smacking can be a very useful tool as long as it's not over used. I think the reason for it's effectiveness on me was the fact that I happened so rarely that it somewhat surprised me and made me realise that the situation was different and that I crossed a line. I always cried, but only because I felt that I let my mum down enough for her to resort to it.

IMO, smacking shouldn't physically hurt, that'd be wrong, but it should make a point and be used in situations where a child just doesn't listen to anything you say.

Burnsy
 
InSanCen said:
With your children, you may never have had behavior severe enough to warrant it, in which case, no, it isn't acceptable. It is purely a last resort, but i still maintain that if more parents did this when their child smashed windows/mugged someone/torched something, then the youth crime levels would drop.
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My eldest child was a complete bugger! he was always up to mischief, he would dissapear on his bike for ages, not to be naughty he would just loose all track of time, we had the police out looking for him twice once when he was 3 and again when he was 8 I did not smack him for either event. It was my parenting that was wrong. It improved very quickly:D smacking is never right I was phyisically abused as a child, my children will never know that fear.
 
I recognise that i'm too over protective but i find it almost impossible to stop myself from being so. I have an 11 year old daughter and a 5 year old son. I do not allow my daughter to go off the estate where we live and she has to be in for 7.30 each night. When the little fella plays out, i tend to stand at the front door the whole time and if he steps foot on the road or just goes out of my sight i bring him in! My nerves are on edge when either of them are out but i'm at my worst when we go to a park, seeing them on the climbing frames, swings, slides or whatever is a total nightmare for me! My better half often tells me that i need to try and relax and just let them get on with it but no matter how hard i try my nerves just cave in!
 
Yozz76 said:
I recognise that i'm too over protective but i find it almost impossible to stop myself from being so. I have an 11 year old daughter and a 5 year old son. I do not allow my daughter to go off the estate where we live and she has to be in for 7.30 each night. When the little fella plays out, i tend to stand at the front door the whole time and if he steps foot on the road or just goes out of my sight i bring him in! My nerves are on edge when either of them are out but i'm at my worst when we go to a park, seeing them on the climbing frames, swings, slides or whatever is a total nightmare for me! My better half often tells me that i need to try and relax and just let them get on with it but no matter how hard i try my nerves just cave in!
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personally I don't think that 7.30 is too early for a 11 year old and I can't let my 7 year old out on his own as we live on busy roads so we live at the park, take a book and try not to watch them too much!
 
Yozz76 said:
I recognise that i'm too over protective but i find it almost impossible to stop myself from being so. I have an 11 year old daughter and a 5 year old son. I do not allow my daughter to go off the estate where we live and she has to be in for 7.30 each night. When the little fella plays out, i tend to stand at the front door the whole time and if he steps foot on the road or just goes out of my sight i bring him in! My nerves are on edge when either of them are out but i'm at my worst when we go to a park, seeing them on the climbing frames, swings, slides or whatever is a total nightmare for me! My better half often tells me that i need to try and relax and just let them get on with it but no matter how hard i try my nerves just cave in!
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I appreciate what you are saying but you need to let go bit. If you don't let them grow up themselves they will become socially inept. All the mummy's boys get bullied and you really don't want that! It's not a good thing to happen and it must be a terrible thing to balance.

EDIT: I'm talking about the park and similar stuff! 7.30 is just about right for an 11 year old - she's not old enough to look after herself.
 
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