Forgiving/Forgiveness

BennyC · 12 Apr 2009 at 18:36

Do you consider youself a forgiving soul?

I'm curious as I know it is one of the qualities I lack and am very good at holding grudges and generally being an arse if I wish to be.

I don't mean minor things like if someone eats your last malteaser or steps on your foot. More major things like lies, deceit, cheating or anything which causes you emotional hurt.

Theres obviously a difference between moving on and completely forgiving someone (in regards to cheating). Things take time and someone can't (normally) be forgiven over night.

So are you a forgiver? Or do you condemn the concerned to being not worthy of knowing you any longer?

Discuss.

Benny C

mr tommo · 12 Apr 2009 at 18:39

I was. Never again though, learnt from my mistake and It won't be happening again.

Couldn't be happier now

Marky · 12 Apr 2009 at 18:45

I'm usually able to hold my grudge for about a month or so... but then I usually forget about it

I have a friend who is not forgiving at all, if you did something to make him mad, he won't let you forget it!

georges · 12 Apr 2009 at 18:46

Depends on the person, although I am quite able to hold some impressive grudges

Also, even though I forgive the person, I quite often think "****" etc when they say something, due to there being remaining anger. But on the whole I can forgive them

BennyC · 12 Apr 2009 at 18:46

mr tommo said:
I was. Never again though, learnt from my mistake and It won't be happening again.

Couldn't be happier now

As in will never forgive anyone? or never did and now do?

Dinomania · 12 Apr 2009 at 18:47

There's a fine line between being a good, forgiving person, and being a door mat...

If someone's truly hurt you, they should know about it.

BennyC · 12 Apr 2009 at 18:48

georges said:
Depends on the person, although I am quite able to hold some impressive grudges

Also, even though I forgive the person, I quite often think "****" etc when they say something, due to there being remaining anger. But on the whole I can forgive them

This is what im curious about 'remaining anger', I suppose they taint your view of them and make your care less. I find anyway.

etom · 12 Apr 2009 at 18:49

i am quite forgiveing

. Never had someone cheat on me though. Would probably forgive them but still end it.

mr tommo · 12 Apr 2009 at 18:53

Benny06 said:
As in will never forgive anyone? or never did and now do?

No, just meant girls

Forgave her for cheating, I'd never forgive that again.

I don't have any hatred about it though, just a lack of respect.

BennyC · 12 Apr 2009 at 18:57

etom said:
Would probably forgive them but still end it.

Without a doubt, it's not one of those things I find justifiable, because it isn't. It's a cowards way out.

I recently made contact with my first and only what I would call 'serious' girlfriend who I removed from my life and refused to have contact with after I found out she had been doing the dirty with my so called best friend behind my back at the time. I'm now talking to her after 2 and a half years.

After almost being used as a doormat (but thankfully opening my eyes) I now detest someone else! I've also realised that you can't live being constantly bitter about being **** on all the time and that forgiveness seems to be the way to over come it.

BennyC · 12 Apr 2009 at 18:58

mr tommo said:
No, just meant girls

Forgave her for cheating, I'd never forgive that again.

I don't have any hatred about it though, just a lack of respect.

I see.

My logic is that if they can't trust themselves, then how can you trust them, and If you cant trust them you can't respect them. Two pritty vital things for friendship. I admire that you forgave her.

4T5 · 12 Apr 2009 at 19:07

I hold Grudges & come back years later out of a dark alley/jitty with a bat.

As far as women go they get One chance to be Loyal & one chance only, You cannot doubt whether your child is yours or not so Loose women are Useless.

Voltar · 12 Apr 2009 at 19:14

I'm very forgiving, in fact it's a weakness of mine.

However, I don't forget if someone has truly wronged me...

If I got cheated on then I would not forget, however I'd probably end up blaming myself and would simply sever all ties and cause a minor fallout whilst doing it. I'd never speak to the person again if my trust was violated in such a way.

DominicStar · 12 Apr 2009 at 19:47

I'm the forgiving but not forgetting type and I know I take things overly hard. I moved 300 miles accross the country and this happened immediately to me by the person who asked me to move for them and 7.5 years later it still annoys me as I didn't get to say my piece and therefore get proper closure. I spent the next 3 years burying it all in drink and stimulants at trance and hard house nights and only after that I didn't regret it - got away from Essex, met some amazing friends, getting married soon and it opened my eyes to life and turned out for the best.

Read somewhere once, if someone betrays you once, it's their fault, if someone betrays you twice, it's fault. Simple as.

Benny06 said:
I recently made contact with my first and only what I would call 'serious' girlfriend who I removed from my life and refused to have contact with after I found out she had been doing the dirty with my so called best friend behind my back at the time. I'm now talking to her after 2 and a half years.

In my own personal experience and every time I have seen this it ends in tears. I sincerely hope you prove the opposite.

tibbsey · 12 Apr 2009 at 19:50

Benny06 said:
More major things like lies, deceit, cheating or anything which causes you emotional hurt.

Wouldn't forgive for any of these.

If they want to treat you like that, they're not worth your time.

atpbx · 12 Apr 2009 at 19:57

I only forgive the important people in my life, such as close family, Ie, the wife, my son, my brother.

Everybody else, I just dont care about so I find it very easy to hold a grudge and be horrible to them.

p4radox · 12 Apr 2009 at 19:58

There aren't many people who've been awful enough towards me to warrant my hatred. I'd like to think I'm forgiving.

There's one person in particular who I really hate, and I'm finding it extremely difficult to forgive him. Maybe it'll happen one day...

Maccy · 12 Apr 2009 at 19:58

In your situation

p), yes I would forgive eventually. Life goes on - holding grudges doesn't give you any advantage.
However, when it comes to cheating, whilst I would probably forgive eventually, I wouldn't ever stay with someone and give them a second chance.

BennyC · 12 Apr 2009 at 20:03

DominicStar said:
Read somewhere once, if someone betrays you once, it's their fault, if someone betrays you twice, it's fault. Simple as.

In my own personal experience and every time I have seen this it ends in tears. I sincerely hope you prove the opposite.

I think that hits the nail on the head.

I've only made contact with her purely to see how shes been and obviously to let her know if we see eachother when were out that she can come and talk to me.

I wouldn't even dream of touching her again, not even with a barge pole. Plus she has a new man anyhow. I think I'm definatley the 'forgive but don't forget' type.

BennyC · 12 Apr 2009 at 20:05

p4radox said:
There's one person in particular who I really hate, and I'm finding it extremely difficult to forgive him. Maybe it'll happen one day...

Maybe, but I've found keeping the biterness and resent with you isn't be good long term. Obviously forgive them IF you can when your ready.