Friday Funnies
- Thread starter Wryel
- Start date
Associate
- Joined
- 2 Dec 2003
- Posts
- 1,023
- Location
- Inverness Scotland
Otacon said:Make a video, that will make the thread worth while
I've never had a post deleted before. I feel violated*
*kidding
What about an edited post? Still feel violated?
Otacon
So there's this blonde out for a walk; she comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts. "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river, then down, then shouts back, "You are on the other side."
-------------------------------------
Top 10 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon on your software development team:
10) "This code is crap! You have no honor!"
9) "A TRUE Klingon warrior does not comment his code!"
8) "By filing this bug report you have questioned my family honor. Prepare to die!"
7) "You question the worthiness of my Code?! I should kill you where you stand!"
6) "Our competitors are without honor!"
5) "Specifications are for the weak and timid!"
4) "This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium IV processors if I am to do battle with this code!"
3) "Perhaps it IS a good day to Die! I say we ship it!"
2) "My program has just dumped Stova Core!"
And the number one thing most likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon on your software development team is:
1) "Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!"
--------------------------------------------------
Just in case you were wondering:
On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed.
On the second day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten." So God agreed (sigh).
On the third day God created the monkey. God said, entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span." Monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed again.
On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."
So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex enjoy, and do nothing; For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren; And for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.
Life has now been explained.
---------------------------
A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by a fierce tribe. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down. The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out. The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over --the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???"
The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, ******!"
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts. "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river, then down, then shouts back, "You are on the other side."
-------------------------------------
Top 10 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon on your software development team:
10) "This code is crap! You have no honor!"
9) "A TRUE Klingon warrior does not comment his code!"
8) "By filing this bug report you have questioned my family honor. Prepare to die!"
7) "You question the worthiness of my Code?! I should kill you where you stand!"
6) "Our competitors are without honor!"
5) "Specifications are for the weak and timid!"
4) "This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium IV processors if I am to do battle with this code!"
3) "Perhaps it IS a good day to Die! I say we ship it!"
2) "My program has just dumped Stova Core!"
And the number one thing most likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon on your software development team is:
1) "Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!"
--------------------------------------------------
Just in case you were wondering:
On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years." The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed.
On the second day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten." So God agreed (sigh).
On the third day God created the monkey. God said, entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span." Monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed again.
On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."
So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex enjoy, and do nothing; For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren; And for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.
Life has now been explained.
---------------------------
A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by a fierce tribe. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down. The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out. The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over --the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???"
The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, ******!"
Got this in an email.
>Sbject: If women were football teams
>
>Birmingham - Pamela Anderson: Used to look good in the cups but now a
>declining force. Plus millions of people watched them get a good seeing
>to.
>
>Wigan - Davina McCall: Poor attendances confirm they've been promoted
>above their ability.
>
>Portsmouth - Girls Aloud: Only one real class act among the hastily
>assembled line-up. You shouldn't like them but admit it, you've sneaked
>the occasional admiring glance.
>
>Sunderland - Kerry Katona: Once the people's favourite but now an
>embarrassment. Fun while it lasted - now disappear from where you came,
>please.
>
>Spurs - Keira Knightley: Undeniably easy on the eye with an attractive
>English spine. And proof that two little ones up front needn't be an
>drawback.
>
>Everton - Dannii Minogue: The poor relation to the more glamorous
>sibling. Can anyone remember when it was they were supposed to be any
>good?
>
>Fulham - Charlotte Church: Proof that money can't buy you class. But
>could look more attractive if the Welsh bloke was given the elbow.
>
>Arsenal - Jordan: Were more likeable when they weren't packed out with
>expensive foreign implants.
>
>Newcastle - Jodie Marsh: Impressive front two but embarrassing at the
>back. Had surgery but need a lot more work to compete at a higher level.
>
>Aston Villa - Dido: Bland, boring and still trading off the one big hit
>they had years ago.
>
>Liverpool - Sophie Ellis-Bextor: Individually all the components look
>great but stick them together and it just doesn't work.
>
>Chelsea - Rachel Stevens: You'd rather just watch them than listen to
>all that painful whining.
>
>Bolton - Clare Balding: You wouldn't. Not even if they were the last
>team on earth
>Sbject: If women were football teams
>
>Birmingham - Pamela Anderson: Used to look good in the cups but now a
>declining force. Plus millions of people watched them get a good seeing
>to.
>
>Wigan - Davina McCall: Poor attendances confirm they've been promoted
>above their ability.
>
>Portsmouth - Girls Aloud: Only one real class act among the hastily
>assembled line-up. You shouldn't like them but admit it, you've sneaked
>the occasional admiring glance.
>
>Sunderland - Kerry Katona: Once the people's favourite but now an
>embarrassment. Fun while it lasted - now disappear from where you came,
>please.
>
>Spurs - Keira Knightley: Undeniably easy on the eye with an attractive
>English spine. And proof that two little ones up front needn't be an
>drawback.
>
>Everton - Dannii Minogue: The poor relation to the more glamorous
>sibling. Can anyone remember when it was they were supposed to be any
>good?
>
>Fulham - Charlotte Church: Proof that money can't buy you class. But
>could look more attractive if the Welsh bloke was given the elbow.
>
>Arsenal - Jordan: Were more likeable when they weren't packed out with
>expensive foreign implants.
>
>Newcastle - Jodie Marsh: Impressive front two but embarrassing at the
>back. Had surgery but need a lot more work to compete at a higher level.
>
>Aston Villa - Dido: Bland, boring and still trading off the one big hit
>they had years ago.
>
>Liverpool - Sophie Ellis-Bextor: Individually all the components look
>great but stick them together and it just doesn't work.
>
>Chelsea - Rachel Stevens: You'd rather just watch them than listen to
>all that painful whining.
>
>Bolton - Clare Balding: You wouldn't. Not even if they were the last
>team on earth
What if........all the major retailers started making their own condoms but kept the same tag-lines...
Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better
Tesco Condoms - every little helps
Nike Condoms - Just do it
Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life
Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk
KFC Condoms - Finger Licking good
Minstrels Condoms - melt in your mouth, not in your hand
Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load
Abbey National Condoms - because life is complicated enough
Coco Cola Condoms - The real thing
Ever Ready Condoms - keep going and going
Macintosh Condoms - It does more, it costs less, it's that simple
Pringles Condoms - once you pop,you can't stop
Burger King Condoms - Home of the Whopper
Goodyear Condoms - "for a longer ride, go
wide"
FCUK Condoms - no comment required
Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain?
Flash Condoms - Just sit back, relax and let flash do all the hardwork
Halford Condoms - we go the extra mile
Royal Mail Condoms - I saw this and thought of you
Andrex Condoms - Soft, strong and very very long
Renault Condoms - size really does matter!
Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin
Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in about 30 minutes
Domestos Condoms - gets right under the rim!!
Heineken Condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach
Carlsburg Condoms - probably the best condom in the world
Mars Condoms - a condom a day helps you work rest and play
AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service
Pepperoni Condoms - its a bit of an animal
Polo Condoms - the condom with the hole!! (VERY poor seller !!)
----
An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"
The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
----
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
1 Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb"
12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle.
14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
The Cat's Answer:
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:
"How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE
STAFF!
Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better
Tesco Condoms - every little helps
Nike Condoms - Just do it
Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life
Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk
KFC Condoms - Finger Licking good
Minstrels Condoms - melt in your mouth, not in your hand
Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load
Abbey National Condoms - because life is complicated enough
Coco Cola Condoms - The real thing
Ever Ready Condoms - keep going and going
Macintosh Condoms - It does more, it costs less, it's that simple
Pringles Condoms - once you pop,you can't stop
Burger King Condoms - Home of the Whopper
Goodyear Condoms - "for a longer ride, go
wide"
FCUK Condoms - no comment required
Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain?
Flash Condoms - Just sit back, relax and let flash do all the hardwork
Halford Condoms - we go the extra mile
Royal Mail Condoms - I saw this and thought of you
Andrex Condoms - Soft, strong and very very long
Renault Condoms - size really does matter!
Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin
Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in about 30 minutes
Domestos Condoms - gets right under the rim!!
Heineken Condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach
Carlsburg Condoms - probably the best condom in the world
Mars Condoms - a condom a day helps you work rest and play
AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service
Pepperoni Condoms - its a bit of an animal
Polo Condoms - the condom with the hole!! (VERY poor seller !!)
----
An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"
The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
----
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
1 Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?
2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
4. Rottweiler: Make me.
5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!
7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.
8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.
9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!
10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb"
12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle.
14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
The Cat's Answer:
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:
"How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE
STAFF!
Do NOT press.
====
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a message in his own handwriting to let him know that he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he typed it out and E-mailed it to Ms. Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either so they sent it to the CIA. No one could solve it, so it went to the NSA and then to MIT and NASA and the Secret Service.
Eventually they asked Britain's M-I6 for help. They cabled the White House: "Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down."
====
From a guys point of view......
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"
I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her. 
====
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a message in his own handwriting to let him know that he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he typed it out and E-mailed it to Ms. Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either so they sent it to the CIA. No one could solve it, so it went to the NSA and then to MIT and NASA and the Secret Service.
Eventually they asked Britain's M-I6 for help. They cabled the White House: "Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down."
====
From a guys point of view......
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"
I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
Last edited:
R124/LA420 said:From a guys point of view......
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"
I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
Best so far
