Soldato
- Joined
- 12 Jun 2005
- Posts
- 2,816
- Location
- A lake!
You have to be slightly off centre to understand why it's funny.The_KiD said:
Friday Joke thread
- Thread starter Was
- Start date
Spacky said:I don't get his stuff
You guys just don't get it.
A man and wife sit down in a classy restaurant, the waiter minces over and asks "Hello there, are you ready to order?"
The man replies sternly "It's ok mate, it's a hat"!
Spacky said:I don't get it
Goldfish rides his unicycle into the flea market and he says to the Indian Chief "Have you got any chocolate Moustaches?"
Chief replies "Sorry mate, the last duck billed platipus left for Cairo tomorrow"!
I got this in an email the other day, it be dire.
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
That's good!William said:
A man with the head the shape of a Chilli Pepper goes walks in to the library an he says to the budgie wearing a full suit of armour and a sub-mandibular retaining plate "I'll have half a pound of dancing apricots please!"
Budgie says "It's alright mate, my flying carpet's got a ticket to the cup final!"
Soldato
- Joined
- 12 Jun 2005
- Posts
- 2,816
- Location
- A lake!
What happened when Superman blew on a whistle?
He blew so hard that the little dried pea thing inside burst! Yes - IT ACTUALLY BURST!
Which bird sounds like a load of fire retarding bubbles?
A foamer!
Why did the orphan mewl?
The beadle had knocked over his gruel!
He blew so hard that the little dried pea thing inside burst! Yes - IT ACTUALLY BURST!
Which bird sounds like a load of fire retarding bubbles?
A foamer!
Why did the orphan mewl?
The beadle had knocked over his gruel!