Friday jokes anyone??

MowyTone · 25 Sep 2009 at 16:01

I'm tired, I'm at work for another 5.5 hours and need cheering up.

Is there anyone out there that can offer a decent joke to help the time pass?

I would offer a joke to start it all off but all the ones I know are 'not family friendly'

utajoker · 25 Sep 2009 at 16:03

what do you call a chicken in a shell suit?

an egg.

h00fzilla · 25 Sep 2009 at 16:05

In an interview about his failed marriage, Sir Paul McCartney was asked if he would ever go down on one knee again.

In response he said, "I'd prefer it if you called her Heather."

Phage · 25 Sep 2009 at 16:06

What's white and can't climb trees ?

A Fridge.

platypus · 25 Sep 2009 at 16:07

How do the police know that Fred West's victims were female?

They were all wearing foundation.

Kearney_1988 · 25 Sep 2009 at 16:09

platypus said:
How do the police know that Fred West's victims were female?

They were all wearing foundation.

Congratulations, you just saved this thread for me

rotters · 25 Sep 2009 at 16:11

what do you call a lesbian with big hands??

well endowed.

rotters

pingwing · 25 Sep 2009 at 16:31

Phage said:
What's white and can't climb trees ?

A Fridge.

Surprisingly funny! Have a *high 5*

blix · 25 Sep 2009 at 16:36

h00fzilla said:
In an interview about his failed marriage, Sir Paul McCartney was asked if he would ever go down on one knee again.

In response he said, "I'd prefer it if you called her Heather."

.G0 · 25 Sep 2009 at 16:38

Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
A. A golden retriever.

StevieP · 25 Sep 2009 at 16:43

Police are hunting a man who chopped the roof off his 4x4....

They are looking for a man with a sawn-off Shogun.....

All my own work ladies and gentlemen......applause greatly appreciated!

StevieP

gillywibble · 25 Sep 2009 at 17:50

Ooh, joke repeats.

mjt · 25 Sep 2009 at 17:51

An Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub.
We didn't invite the Welshman because he's a ****.

4T5 · 25 Sep 2009 at 17:56

If I want a laugh All I have to do is think EGGFACE.

I actually laughed out loud whilst I walked my dog this morning saying it inside my head.

+

When I go in tonight everybody will be Eggface & it will be Lol funny as we are taking the **** out of that advert that says laugh out loud.

Before you ask we are Night workers & stupidity staves off boredom & makes it fun.

Be Gone Eggface.

Le_Petit_Lapin · 25 Sep 2009 at 18:00

A girl in a bar said to me, "I wouldn't **** you if you were the last person alive."

Leaning over and whispering, I replied, "But who would be around to stop me?"

Wiped the smug look off her face.

Flare · 25 Sep 2009 at 18:01

Le_Petit_Lapin said:
A girl in a bar said to me, "I wouldn't **** you if you were the last person alive."

Leaning over and whispering, I replied, "But who would be around to stop me?"

Wiped the smug look off her face.

lmfao! Thats ****ing brilliant!

Greenlizard0 · 25 Sep 2009 at 18:34

Le_Petit_Lapin said:
A girl in a bar said to me, "I wouldn't **** you if you were the last person alive."

Leaning over and whispering, I replied, "But who would be around to stop me?"

Wiped the smug look off her face.

Lol!

Greenlizard0 "*BUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!*" *Ground shakes, Richter meters go mental, people in general duck under tables*
Lady scally "Eeeeaaaaiiiiiiiiii!!!!! That's ****ing disgoosting!"
Greenlizard0 "Mm..if you think that's bad you should hear what comes out the bottom end"
Lady scally ".."

PinkFloyd · 25 Sep 2009 at 18:41

Le_Petit_Lapin said:
A girl in a bar said to me, "I wouldn't **** you if you were the last person alive."

Leaning over and whispering, I replied, "But who would be around to stop me?"

Wiped the smug look off her face.

Hahaha. free internet to you my friend, made me laugh out loud!

Jono · 25 Sep 2009 at 18:47

Phage said:
What's white and can't climb trees ?

Michael Jackson. Cos he's DEAD.

Flare · 25 Sep 2009 at 19:09