friends mum tryin to force her marriage

gib786 · 23 May 2006 at 23:49

tell her to sit down with her mother and impartial other, maybe even a mowli of some kind, and sort it out, there is no way in hell they can force her to marry someone like that, it aint a religious thing is a stupid inbred cultural thing that some thick pakis still adhere to, whereas the rest of realised long ago that this sort of **** aint right and shouldnt happen. Worst comes to worst she should leave home, no point staying with her so called family if they are forcing her to do this

squiffy · 23 May 2006 at 23:52

jamoor said:
Changing her name and never contacting them again seems a tad extreme to me...

...if the family refuses to cancel the wedding, and are then threatening her, she should just leave. Better than being beaten/killed by the father.

Zip · 23 May 2006 at 23:53

squiffy said:
...if the family refuses to cancel the wedding, and are then threatening her, she should just leave. Better than being beaten/killed by the father.

Agreed.
If i was her i would leave.

Btw mate you should have most your avaters unlocked by now

Check your user CP to use them

Indy500 · 23 May 2006 at 23:54

Stretch said:
You can't force a person to marry someone against their will. A simple no during the marriage ceremony should do the trick.

Unfortunately these situations aren't as simple as that. Essentially she's being emotionally blackmailed into choosing between her family or her freedom. I know which one I'd choose but some people are brought up in a way that makes this choice impossible.

There are no easy answers, she's going to have to make a very difficult decision one way or the other.

EDIT: If I was her I'd try leaving and hope her mother(and family) come to their senses.

I agree.

I had to leave, and I also have to hide my relationship (as I still get 'checked up' on by my mother).

DarkShadow · 23 May 2006 at 23:58

B&W said:
well ive told her to push the religious side. as from that standpoint no1 can force her to marry some1 against her will.

Keep pushing more towards the Islamic perspective of things. Hasn't she got other family members she gets on well with? I.e Aunts, Uncles, Brothers and so on . . ?

Indy500 · 24 May 2006 at 00:01

These kind of marriages have been a cultural norm in the Indian subcontinent for many years. Of course, this isnt something I agree with, but its been like that for a while.

B&W · 24 May 2006 at 00:02

squiffy said:
...if the family refuses to cancel the wedding, and are then threatening her, she should just leave. Better than being beaten/killed by the father.

well her father divorced her mum and is living in pakistan so thats not an issue.

however it does look like shes gonna have to leave the way its going.

Murf · 24 May 2006 at 00:12

I'd remind the mother of the country she's in. Forced marriage is illegal and the health issues from marrying a relative are real and dangerous. It's also a free country and the daughter is an adult who is free to make her own decisions. If the mother wouldn't listen then I recommend she leaves.

If I was a keyboard warrior I'd insist the mother marries HER cousin.

B&W · 24 May 2006 at 01:00

dark_shadow said:
Keep pushing more towards the Islamic perspective of things. Hasn't she got other family members she gets on well with? I.e Aunts, Uncles, Brothers and so on . . ?

yup, thats one thing that mite help. maybe get a maulvhi and sit down with her mum.

well no, apart from her siblings she doesnt have any1 else who can help her.

if her siblings r ok with her leaving then she wont be upset, so shes gotta talk to em first. if theyre ok with it and her mom wont comprimise then shes gonna have to leave.

PlatinumFX · 24 May 2006 at 01:14

I have no problem with the traditions and norm's of any culture and / or religion. Except when they erode on human rights. I think she should stand up to her mum and insist that this is one tradition that has no place in any society. Thats going to be hard and painful, possibly with serious permanent consequences for her relationship with her mum and wider family. There's no easy solution to this unfortunatly.
I wish her the best of luck.

asim · 24 May 2006 at 01:44

One of my cousins was forced into an arranged marriage, I hadnt talked to her in years and I get a call out of the blue inviting me to the wedding. She cried for days, and then after meeting the guy agreed to marry him. I wish I had been there to help her, she was like a sister to me when I was a kid.

Its very hard to get out of these situations.

e36Adz · 24 May 2006 at 01:50

The only thing I think she can really do, is go to a well respected/educated religious member of her family or local mosque.

It sounds like a typical pakistani family to be honest mate, and once her mum is made to realise that she doesnt have a leg to stand on from the islamic perspective, then and only then can I see her backing down. I dont really blame the mum, because in most cases the parents genuinely think they are doing whats best for their kids. Its just a shame that most these parents are uneducated and havent got a clue what Islam really says about forcing girls into marriages, they only 'think' they do.

Tell your friend to remain respectful to her mum and just try tackling this via the religious argument, because Islam is on her side on this one.

Desmo · 24 May 2006 at 08:26

B&W said:
and her family wont respect her anymore

And they do now?

Mellownatts · 24 May 2006 at 08:41

I have never agreed with these sorts of things, If i was her i would be forced to move out until they realise that this is the 21st century and people no matter the tradition and religion should not forced into something so wrong.

Sic · 24 May 2006 at 08:48

if my mother were trying to force something like that onto me, i wouldn't want to live in her house anymore. the fact that that thought can even enter her mind (regardless of tradition/culture) means that there's apparently something wrong in that relationship. i'd be off in a heartbeat.

VIRII · 24 May 2006 at 09:03

How is marrying the daughter to the cousin "doing something" for the dead sister?
Presumeably getting this boy a British Passport is the goal?

Mellownatts · 24 May 2006 at 09:06

Desmo said:
And they do now?

Well said mate.

Von Luck · 24 May 2006 at 09:14

B&W said:
really messed up situation, need some advice plz

Marry her yourself? That'd stuff the mum's plans up good and proper.

wordy · 24 May 2006 at 09:51

VIRII said:
How is marrying the daughter to the cousin "doing something" for the dead sister?
Presumeably getting this boy a British Passport is the goal?

Exactly! I suspect this whole thing is about getting this guy a British passport, seems to me that there are enough young, single Aisan men in Britian. Why arrange a marriage with someone half a world away!

georges · 24 May 2006 at 10:14

Von Luck said:
Marry her yourself? That'd stuff the mum's plans up good and proper.

She hot?

Yeah. She's a free person living in a country with a lot of liberties. No point giving them up for some deranged mother and a nephew(WTF?!)