Friends with Aspergers....
- Thread starter BunnyKillBot
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or care for it.
Personally, I love this kind of behaviour... it's raw and I find it very easy to be around.
During my life I've been fairly close to a couple of people with diagnosed Aspergers'; my sister and a friend from work. They were quite different people so I don't think you can 'tar them all with the same brush' so to speak.
For example my sister I could see was very difficult for people to form relationships with; they basically had to share her interests or it wouldn't happen (I know shared interests are a foundation of many friendships, but it was pretty much a prerequisite with her). She very rarely could show empathy and for example when my father was ill she wouldn't go out and get the papers for him, she'd just sit on her computer, I don't think it was purely down to laziness/meanness, but rather a disregard (in the purest form) for how her actions might be perceived by others.
My friend on the other hand is actually quite sociable and will talk with people, it is just he gets easily stressed and will randomly walk off by himself to get away from people (e.g. go outside a restaurant for 30mins, rush back to office at the end of the lunch break rather than walking with others etc). But, he does show empathy and clearly is conscious of the fact that others have feelings (he'll apologise for example, something that was almost unheard of from my sister).
So the bottom line is I would suggest you have to treat each case individually.
For example my sister I could see was very difficult for people to form relationships with; they basically had to share her interests or it wouldn't happen (I know shared interests are a foundation of many friendships, but it was pretty much a prerequisite with her). She very rarely could show empathy and for example when my father was ill she wouldn't go out and get the papers for him, she'd just sit on her computer, I don't think it was purely down to laziness/meanness, but rather a disregard (in the purest form) for how her actions might be perceived by others.
My friend on the other hand is actually quite sociable and will talk with people, it is just he gets easily stressed and will randomly walk off by himself to get away from people (e.g. go outside a restaurant for 30mins, rush back to office at the end of the lunch break rather than walking with others etc). But, he does show empathy and clearly is conscious of the fact that others have feelings (he'll apologise for example, something that was almost unheard of from my sister).
So the bottom line is I would suggest you have to treat each case individually.
Who says they do have a condition when its been self diagnosed and based on very general symptoms that could apply to vast numbers of introverted/eccentric types. I'd rather people didn't seek special labels as excuses - do you really believe that everyone who just thinks they've got Asperger's actually does have it?
Not much different IMO to the middle class parents keen to get a 'dyslexia' diagnosis for their kid who appears to be a bit slow. Its a special label/excuse to help mitigate a deficiency.
I also believe it is entirely possible that some (professional) diagnoses are inaccurate/inconsistent as well. Or at the very least, the spectrum within which people are badged as "Aspergers" isn't really granular enough to distiguish between varying types/severities.
Soldato
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I'm exactly the same, even though I know I have Aspergers it's still hard to recognise what I'm doing wrong, to me I'm being normal, I notice people treat me differently or take offence because I seem unsympathetic or unsociable but in my mind I really don't understand how I'm causing offence.
people vary so greatly that a single label doesnt really fit properly.
my medical file just says "autism" with no real description of what im like , my adult services report only says what i told them but they were really only interested in wether i could dress, wash and feed myself etc.
i used to consider myself just socially awkward and painfully shy and i would never have thought any different if people who know me didnt spot things i never noticed.
i supose its like how people who are properly mental arent suposed to realise they are any different
I think the 'problem' is that a 'coping-mechanism' or 'learned response behaviour' will only get you so far in terms of being sympathetic/sociable, if it doesn't come naturally then it is not realistic to expect you to always be aware that you are doing something "wrong".
Mental disorders can be difficult to diagnose because even 'normal' people behave quite differently from one another, meaning that unlike physical afflictions it is much harder for people to spot and indeed for the individual themselves to consider the possibility. My sister wasn't diagnosed until she was around 25 - until that point she was just considered to be very shy / awkward / disorganised / rude / unhygenic etc.
Looking back I do wonder how different her life might have been had it been diagnosed earlier say in her early teens.
On a more positive note I think things like the internet will be very useful as they let people discuss these sort of issues fairly openly in circumstances that would probably never come up in person. I don't have ASD (to my knowledge) but I find great solace in being able to communicate without the need for non-verbal cues (eye contact, body language, not needing to butt into group conversations etc)
Mental disorders can be difficult to diagnose because even 'normal' people behave quite differently from one another, meaning that unlike physical afflictions it is much harder for people to spot and indeed for the individual themselves to consider the possibility. My sister wasn't diagnosed until she was around 25 - until that point she was just considered to be very shy / awkward / disorganised / rude / unhygenic etc.
Looking back I do wonder how different her life might have been had it been diagnosed earlier say in her early teens.
On a more positive note I think things like the internet will be very useful as they let people discuss these sort of issues fairly openly in circumstances that would probably never come up in person. I don't have ASD (to my knowledge) but I find great solace in being able to communicate without the need for non-verbal cues (eye contact, body language, not needing to butt into group conversations etc)
True. Reminds me of the sudden and dramatic increase in Dyslexia suffers. Aka, people getting more lazy and dumb. Detracts from the real suffers whom I have oodles of sympathy for.
I've no expert (obviously) but I find it amazing that people with aspergers can get so stressed over nothing, like I said, on that program "The Undateables" There was a guy who went mental just because the plans changed, his mums car broke down and so he had to get a taxi, nothing major there I don't think but he went mental, starting swearing and saying that the taxi better be here soon or else. I know they have a mental condition but to me it just sounds like some of them need a good hiding to straighten them out.
And don't start that **** about you shouldn't smack kids, sometimes kids just need a beating
And don't start that **** about you shouldn't smack kids, sometimes kids just need a beating
I feel sorry for those people who genuinely have problems but haven't found out yet/haven't for many, many years or never do. For some it's a relief to know you're not feeling things for no reason. Of course the scale isn't always equal for everyone.
Some of the things in here are scarily similar to how I am, but I guess those people are in the extreme (or it isn't as bad is it really sounds).
I can't hold a conversation, I can talk to people fine when they are mostly asking questions but beyond that, yeah...I'm very, very bad at it, I can't do small talk because it bores the **** out of me and I don't see the point in it, it's like talking for the sake of talking.
I'm only really able to talk fine/relaxed with, well, two friends, my brother.
Some of the things in here are scarily similar to how I am, but I guess those people are in the extreme (or it isn't as bad is it really sounds).
I can't hold a conversation, I can talk to people fine when they are mostly asking questions but beyond that, yeah...I'm very, very bad at it, I can't do small talk because it bores the **** out of me and I don't see the point in it, it's like talking for the sake of talking.
I'm only really able to talk fine/relaxed with, well, two friends, my brother.
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Man of Honour
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And this is a good example of why you shouldn't immediately turn to the internet for parenting advice.
If your first response to someone with a real, diagnosed, problem is that they need it beaten out of them then it's quite possible they aren't the only one with issues when you also appear to be lacking in empathy and understanding.
- I didn't say first reponse
- I said in the first sentence that I wasn't an expert
- I can't empathise with someone who has an illness I don't understand
- The hell all the coasters in the living room need to be strightened before he leaves the house
- His hands need to be glowing red before he considers them clean
- He stands outside for an hour just staring at nothing
I like lists.
Yeah I understand he has an illness, and that it isn't his fault/he can't help it but to the general public, and distant family, he's just weird, he's not even attempting to get better
Soldato
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No child should be beaten.
When I say "beaten" I don't mean with a cane or shoe like to the point of bruising. I mean a smack, like the majority of us probaberly were given as kids.
Taking away a kids mobile phone or PC power cable isn't even of a punishment...well maybe the latter for most of us lol
As someone statemented with Aspergers, I can confirm that it is incredibly difficult to make friends, unless you have the time to work hard at it.
I never bothered up until year 11, and as such was a massive loner, with only a couple of friends (bJN can attest to this
). When I realised how lonely I was, I started putting effort into it. Now I have a lot of friends, and am considered generally likeable 
.
Yeah, it's difficult to keep up, as I still get the urge to go off and do stuff on my own, I'm incredibly bad with money, and sometimes I can say stupidly inappropriate things, but it's worth it for the good times I have.
I never bothered up until year 11, and as such was a massive loner, with only a couple of friends (bJN can attest to this
). When I realised how lonely I was, I started putting effort into it. Now I have a lot of friends, and am considered generally likeable .Yeah, it's difficult to keep up, as I still get the urge to go off and do stuff on my own, I'm incredibly bad with money, and sometimes I can say stupidly inappropriate things, but it's worth it for the good times I have
.
Soldato
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Then 'beaten' (with or without an object) is a poor choice of word.
At the end of the day if your child does not respect you then you have done a poor job. I don't mean you personally. But this really does not have to come with regular phyisical punisment.
Respect is one thing. Being scared of being hurt is another.