Girl Problems (Advice Needed)

Tweek_1984

Tweek_1984

Tweek_1984

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Joined
11 Nov 2002
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Location
West Mids
So my girlfriend of 18 months called me tonight and told me that she'd made out with another guy last night.

I met her on my university exchange to Canada in 2005/06. I'm currently in my last year of uni in Manchester. So we've been doing the whole long distance thing. However, I spent christmas with her family this christmas and was planning to see her again at the end of this month.

But, obviously this wasn't enough for her it seems.

The plan was that I'd either move over there and do a masters (I've applied, but yet to hear whether I've been accepted. I need a 2:1). Or, move over there in the summer and work something out. I would have lived with her either way. We've had it all planned out.

Everything in our relationship was pretty strong, apart from the whole long distance relationship. Sure, we've had our issues that I've had a problem with, but she was my rock, until now.

I told her I needed time to think and I'd call her back, but we'd probably have to end the relationship.

I'm a bit shellshocked at the moment and feel sick. If we do split up, I'll have to re-evaluate my whole future. I thought we were going to go the whole way and get married, I love her etc.

I don't know what to think or do. I need some advice people.
 
imo, if she told you, she still wants you.
She must be what 1000 miles away?
Theres no way you would ever have found out otherwise (and she will know that)
She could have easily said nothing.
 
touch said:
She could have easily said nothing.
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Agreed, the very fact that she told you that it happened must mean she thinks a lot of you and of course probably feels bad.
 
hmm i may have to chat with my girlfriend and explain that different unis,same country isnt that long distance compared to some :eek:

did she say why she made out with him. does she like him, was she drunk etc ?
 
Mr.Orb said:
Does she still love you? Do you still love her?
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thats all that matters...just come outta a 15month relationship with the girl I thought i would have spent a lot longer with. If your prepared to completely forgive her it will work. when stuff like this happens in relationships you need to pick each other up and dust yourselves off and move forward
 
I still love her but I'll never be able to trust her now.

I've no idea why she's done this, other than she was drunk, missing the guy in her life and picked a random.

She didnt go into details but it was one of her girlfriends friends. It doesnt really matter who it was though to be honest.

I'm not sure whether I can live it down. Its all about trust isnt it.
 
Man, i bet that hurts. Dont stress though, just play it cool and tell her it is ok.....carry on sleeping with her (with condom off course) and find another girl elsewhere. You dont need this kinda off mind set when you have exams coming up and what not. Once a cheat, always one and on top of that, building trust will be hard.
 
Dude, no offence here like, but you must be mad to take her back, OK she has told you... but this is far from OK imo, my EX of 3 years got with one of my mates, i knew there was somthing going on and once i found out, i flipped my lid, took his knee caps out, i spent 10 days behind bars. all i did was greeve, my world had exploded, my plans shatterd my heart demolished.
I spent the next 5 months hating myself, was it me, why when how did they do it, i took her back and did my best to make it happen, all i could do was think of them two.
I just could not do it.

Think for yourself and make the decision YOURSELF!
 
mate me and the ex (the girl i mentioned before) we broke up day after valentines day and we had an interesting last summer to say the least. And when trust is compromised, you need to remember 3 things. first we are only human and people do make mistakes, second if you let this blow your trust for people outta the water you might not trust when the right girl comes along and miss the opportunity of a lifetime and lastly...nothing anyone says on here will have much bearing on your situation because your the only one here who knows this girl like you know yourself. Do what makes you happy mate. But dont stay in a relationship or chase a relationship for the sake of it.
 
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As mentioned the fact she told you shows she respects your relationship. Also considering its a long distance relationship it isnt tht surprising when drunk she may have mistakenly wanted some "closeness". It maybe raw now but you don't want to make a rash decision ending it and realising in 3 months that you could have got over the hurt and made something stronger of your relationship.

Ofc its easy for us to say all this as we aren't emotionally involved. If i was in your situation I would consider ending it as I would be so hurt, but a relationship can get passed this.

Try imagining yourself in her position, (however unlikely it is you would cheat) imagine you went on the drink with the lads and you got ****faced and pulled a right hotty, felt so guilty you had to tell her etc. Maybe it will help your decision.
 
mate me and the ex (the girl i mentioned before) we broke up day after valentines day and we had an interesting last summer to say the least
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Dude! this is mad! i found out about the Bitcah of my life on the same day!
 
Tweek_1984 said:
I still love her but I'll never be able to trust her now.

I'm not sure whether I can live it down. Its all about trust isnt it.
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This exact same situation happened to me a few years back. I still loved the girl who had cheated on me but the whole trust thing meant that the relationship fell apart and I had to end it. Trust is the most important thing in a long distance relationship.

ElRazur said:
You dont need this kinda off mind set when you have exams coming up and what not. Once a cheat, always one and on top of that, building trust will be hard.
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The man speaks the truth, at least based on the experienced I had.
 
I was in exactly the same situation as you not so long back, without the long distance stuff. Girlfriend of 18 months cheated with my best mate. She expected forgiveness and i havent spoken to her scince, apart from last night, when I think im ready to forgive her. I found out my best mate played me and her, and is now getting back with his ex, so i feel sorry for my ex now.

I hold the view, once a cheat always a cheat. And am normally a very unforgiving person, the person you expect you cant trust the most proves you wrong. Dont make an rash decisions, cool off for a few days and think it over :)
 
End it to be honest, once a cheat always a cheat. Sure you love this girl but now you won't be able to ever trust her 100% again.
 
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