Good text jokes

[Big Spender]

*Snip*

awww dude, too far lmao!

 

[Bri]

awww dude, too far lmao!

 

[Serj]

**NEWS FLASH** Israel has withdrawn from Lebenon. Lebanon is not pregnant.

I hope you made that one up yourself because it's truly ****

 

[SimonTW]

Some good'uns about in this thread. Im still waiting to see what monkeypants has to offer.

 

[Killerkebab]

Some good'uns about in this thread. Im still waiting to see what monkeypants has to offer.

Look at some of Scuzi's efforts and that will be it, roughly

 

[SourChipmunk]

Some good'uns about in this thread. Im still waiting to see what monkeypants has to offer.

Didn't he cease that since someone called him out on his randomiser website?

 

[Scott Salisbury]

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady,

"Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth," she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."

*shudder*

 

[Bunka]

haha, slightly too big to fit in a text though.

 

[Ricochet J]

What do you call Postman Pat after he's lost his job?






Pat.

 

[JAMAL]

Best one i had was.....


"great news mate, i've found a local prostitute who charges by the INCH, obviously i cant afford her but thought it might be a cheap night out for you!"

 

[monkeypants]

Didn't he cease that since someone called him out on his randomiser website?

So I was ratted out by some BIG IDIOT p) I'm still going to post the remaining ones when joke threads appear. I'll start making them up after that

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

Huff-puff-puffa-puff!


What happens if you cross a kangaroo with a giraffe?

A creature with a long neck, that can jump really high!


Why did the Eskimo throw coins at the seal?

He thought it was a beggar!

 

[Big Spender]

Best one i had was.....


"great news mate, i've found a local prostitute who charges by the INCH, obviously i cant afford her but thought it might be a cheap night out for you!"

HAHA! nice one! i think i'll pass that one around

 

[SoapSurgeon]

what do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

slow down and put on some lubricant!!

 

[LoadsaMoney]

Whats long and hard and makes a woman moan
An Ironing board


Why did so many black soldiers die in Vietnam...

Everytime someone yelled "Get Down!" they'd jump up and start dancing

Wahahahaha im in tears here, and the one above thats a cracker.

 

[RandomTom]

what do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

slow down and put on some lubricant!!

oh my god you actually just made me chuckle, i have such a bad mental image right now of a guy going at it like a steam train, hahaahaa

 

[singist]

It must be my age

Do you guys really find these amusing? ....... I think that I've seen a couple that made me smile and many that are suitable for a junior school lavatory, topped off by absolute ****!

So much for a family forum eh?

OK, ok, I'm gone! .......

 

[Mobius 1]

It must be my age

Do you guys really find these amusing? ....... I think that I've seen a couple that made me smile and many that are suitable for a junior school lavatory, topped off by absolute ****!

So much for a family forum eh?

OK, ok, I'm gone! .......

How old are you? Out of curiosity.

 

[Scuzi]

How old are you? Out of curiosity.

His profile would suggest that he's 55. Ready for the knackers yard

 

[Mobius 1]

His profile would suggest that he's 55. Ready for the knackers yard

Lol. Yeh, i didn't see that.

 

[Morlan]

Why did John not give out to his neighbor for stealing his gate?

He though he might take offence...