Haven't posted much in the last month on ocuk, usually just chatted crap in the movies/tv sub forum - my mother died 6th January suddenly and unexpectedly and i'm having a real hard time.
Hadn't seen her for over a year as she'd been unwell early last year with a minor illness, then covid hit. Just been waiting it out til it was all over to see her. She's not local, around 80 miles way, couldn't even really sneak a covid lockdown visit.
Now, it's all over.
She was 62, had a fall late night 4th January but didn't go hospital as she was worried about covid on 5th, her partner found her dead on 6th morning. Coroners report turned out the fall was a tragic coincidence, she had an enlarged heart and died from a cardiac thrombosis.
It's been over 4 weeks and i'm stuck, totally stuck, was doing ok until her cremation on Thursday just past, saw her in the coffin prior, said my goodbye, hasn't offered any closure, if anything i'm regressing. Spoke to doctor, got anti depressants, same as I used during my break down in 2017 that i've spoken of earlier in mental health thread.
I'm 41, i have a loving wife, a 3, almost 4 year old son who never stops smiling and I feel totally alone. I feel physical pain in my chest all the time, it hurts she's gone, I know i'm not alone, everyone loses parents, I just feel like i'm not being strong enough and need to man the F up. Wifes support has been amazing but know it has a shelf life and expiry date, just scared I won't get through this.
Work have furloughed me for time being, basis that my job is being covered, however have niggling anxiety of folks thinking i'm taking the P as not back yet.
Close friends have messaged a lot first few weeks but those texts and messages have fallen silent in recent weeks, probably don't know what to say.
No point to this post, it's late, i'm sad, i'm mildly drunk and ranting a little. Thanks for reading.
Ah yes, there was a point, anyone else who went through the same, when did you start to feel normal again?
EDIT: Been listening to this a lot, i'm not religious, consider myself atheist, however times like this do make us want to have some belief.
Hadn't seen her for over a year as she'd been unwell early last year with a minor illness, then covid hit. Just been waiting it out til it was all over to see her. She's not local, around 80 miles way, couldn't even really sneak a covid lockdown visit.
Now, it's all over.
She was 62, had a fall late night 4th January but didn't go hospital as she was worried about covid on 5th, her partner found her dead on 6th morning. Coroners report turned out the fall was a tragic coincidence, she had an enlarged heart and died from a cardiac thrombosis.
It's been over 4 weeks and i'm stuck, totally stuck, was doing ok until her cremation on Thursday just past, saw her in the coffin prior, said my goodbye, hasn't offered any closure, if anything i'm regressing. Spoke to doctor, got anti depressants, same as I used during my break down in 2017 that i've spoken of earlier in mental health thread.
I'm 41, i have a loving wife, a 3, almost 4 year old son who never stops smiling and I feel totally alone. I feel physical pain in my chest all the time, it hurts she's gone, I know i'm not alone, everyone loses parents, I just feel like i'm not being strong enough and need to man the F up. Wifes support has been amazing but know it has a shelf life and expiry date, just scared I won't get through this.
Work have furloughed me for time being, basis that my job is being covered, however have niggling anxiety of folks thinking i'm taking the P as not back yet.
Close friends have messaged a lot first few weeks but those texts and messages have fallen silent in recent weeks, probably don't know what to say.
No point to this post, it's late, i'm sad, i'm mildly drunk and ranting a little. Thanks for reading.
Ah yes, there was a point, anyone else who went through the same, when did you start to feel normal again?
EDIT: Been listening to this a lot, i'm not religious, consider myself atheist, however times like this do make us want to have some belief.
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