Have i been too harsh

i got kicked out when i was 17. although it was a very traumatic experiance i just went and never looked back and made my own life. luckily i had a full time job at the time so i slept at my friends house for a few weeks until i could afford a room somewhere.

i never spoke to my mom for along time after that, and even though we get on fairly well now i still feel a bit resentful sometimes about what happened and im 33 now.
 
HeX said:
He wanted him home at 9:30 because he hadn't done what he had been told, as such he was being punished. Obviously 9:30 isn't the norm. :rolleyes:
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It is completely pointless to tell him you want him home by 9.30 when he is already out. teulk was setting himself up for more of an argument and complete rejection, which is what he got.
 
[TW]Fox;12683951 said:
He is out of order not doing his chores. You are bordering on being a wreckless parent for kicking him out for not closing the lounge door and staying out past 9.30pm.

He was wrong, but you were so wrong you eclipse him by a considerable amount.

Shame he's over 16, otherwise Social Services could sort you out. Perhaps he's better off without your amazing levels of parent skills, compassion and understanding.
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rofl, what i was thinking but i held back :p
 
My initial reaction to this thread was that your actions in themselves sound somewhat childish. Now obviously it is difficult to portray quite how lazy or disrespectful your son can or has been on a message board. But I would say throwing him out is excessive and your actions should be more adult like and less knee jerk toward him. Speak to him like an adult and make sure he understands and agrees to what you expect of him whilst he lives in your home.

Have you thought about charging him keep, and giving this money back to him once his chores have been completed?
 
I havent read the whole thread but to the OP..

I left home when I was 17 as I believed I was an "adult" didnt do me any harm and soon realised what an easy life I had at home compaired to the "real world"... to be fair I was probably as lazy and dismissive as your son...

I dont think the way in which you went about it was correct.. however what you have done in my eyes there is nothing wrong with... he will soon start to appreachiate what he has at home once he is faced with the "real world"
 
Knubje said:
Hmm, as a 24 year old with no kids and a fairly straight up bringing (got disciplined in a fair way when naughty, rewarded when good) this is tough.

I would say that giving him the choice to man the hell up is a fair one. After so many warnings and "I told you many times before, please just do this 5 second job or your chores" it seems right that he gets a kick up the arse.

I think when and the way it was handled could have been better. Like someone said, he is acting like a typical teenager. If he has gone out with his friends thinking he is allowed to stay out all night - then to be be told he has forgot X,Y,Z (small things in his mind, big in yours because you told him 1000's of times) and has to come home at 9:30, is only going to get a bad reaction.


I would, in your situation, probably have given the same ultimatum and repercussions but had the delivery at a later time. You should have let him stay out as previously agreed and get home the next day. This would be the point to have planned out a better strategy/punishment and when he does arrive himself home after a good night out, you get medievil on his ass.

You could have also explained that you let him stay out and were tempted to ruin his night, but didn't. At which point you could have him do the chores instantly, some rent to be agreed and some form of no Xbox/Internet/TV. (You pay the electricity so you can control that).


The most important thing now as people have said, is to man up yourself and invite him around for a "chat". Make sure you lay it all down on the table including what will be the consequence if he doesn't do as you ask living under your roof. Build on your relationship with him, don't destroy it.

It sounded like he needed a taste of reality which you have possibly given him. Now is the time to work it out for the better with everyone involved.

Good luck, let us know how it goes.


(Ahh parenting, something to look forward too in much, much, much later life I suppose :p)
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I have to say this post makes more sense than most on here, including my own.
As i first said i would have done as Teulk, but then i may have regretted it considering the possible ways it could turn out.
But when nothing else has worked, you've talked it out, you've punished him.....what the hell else do you do. Honestly guys, when you're lost for words or actions, you do tend to turn more to the dramtic.

As for the person who didn't speak to his folks after being booted out.......you didn't consider for one minute that you may have been driving your folks crazy and that you deserved it?! It aint unreasonable for parents to expect to be treated with respect by their own children, in their own damned house.
So you sulked for x amount of years basically.....way to show maturity! :rolleyes:
Then there is the person who said being kicked out was the best thing that happened to him. It enabled him to get his life in order.....good for you mate. :)
There are so many different ways to deal with issues like this....and so many consequences.
Parenting is the toughest job in the world, there's no rulebook to follow.
 
Funnily enough like everything in life this is a grey area, depending on:

Upbringing
Relationship with each other in the past
Current relationship with each other
Personality of son

This could be a positive or a deeply negative thing to have done.

Personally I would never kick my son out of the house for anything unless it endangered the lives of the other people living there. You have to ask how you have ended up in this situation and why sitting him down and talking to him about these issues is not enough to get his respect.
 
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Of course i don't know the full ins and outs of the situation and your relationship with him. But as far as i can tell it won't do him any harm and IMO is not particularly harsh.

He sounded like he wasn't taking any real responsibility for helping in the house he lives in. If he's had warnings in the past then there's obviously something that needs to be done.

You chose to tell him that if he felt he was old enough to exist like this (ignoring his responsibilities) then he could leave. In a petty show of teenage hormonal defiance he took you up on the offer and went. I'm sure he'll learn his lesson.

Afterall, no one realises how easy life at home with your parents is until you start living by your own means in the big bad world.

I wouldn't worry - just wait for the phone or doorbell to ring and it'll probably be him.

gt
 
To the OP, out of interest could you post a short bio of what you were like as a 17 year old yourself? What regime of chores did you have to do at that time and what happened if you didn't do them etc? What was your dad like, how much did you pay towards board etc.
 
wow. Im 20 and it makes me realise how lucky I was at 17. Never had to do any proper chores or anything. I worked aswell but still, even if I didnt, I know my parents wouldnt force me to do any and they CERTAINLY wouldnt kick me out over it or anything for that matter...Sorry mate, but not my idea of great parenting tbh, but they, your kids, your rules :)

Then again I have extremely relaxed and awesome parents sooo. Just becuase of this it doesnt mean im any less of a person. I respect my parents a lot more becuase they never force me to do anything, as such I wont force my kids and hopefully they will turn out half decent like me and my bro.
 
Never was forced to do stuff around the house, but I usually helped anyways, and the second I started to make money gave some to my parents.

I typically helped with anything electrical, wiring, or helping with painting, decorating, or cleaning / vacuming, and occasionaly making dinner or doing the washing up.
 
ColdAsIce said:
wow, sorry but as a parent jacko are you honestly telling me you are scared of your own child? Complete BS. If you raise your kids with any sort of respect and values they aint going to turn into violent thugs. Plus I stopped getting a smack just after starting high school and it was only a smack, not a beating! There is a difference.

Almost like your opinions are based on some awful tabloid news paper claiming kids are out of control.

His son agreed to the chores and he is at a responsible age, his dad should have turned off the 360 and told him to get the jobs done.
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Must have missed this post. No, i was exampling teenagers on the street mainly. Back in my day we used to cause trouble, but it was more out of boredom i suppose, we wouldn't beat up on someone if they looked at us funny or if they told us to clear off from a certain area. These things tend to appear in the news more and more nowadays.
As for my own kids, we discipline them the way we see fit. They don't get beaten, we try and punish them in a way that will teach them a lesson. "If they don't like life without their xbox, then they shouldn't break the rules." And the rules really are simple, just as Teulks were, but the kid kept breaking the rules no punishment so far had worked. His choice of medium could have been better i suppose, but if it shocks the kid into waking up to what a cushy number he has at home compared to the street, when all else has failed who are we to stand in judgement?
 
Sime said:
wow. Im 20 and it makes me realise how lucky I was at 17. Never had to do any proper chores or anything. I worked aswell but still, even if I didnt, I know my parents wouldnt force me to do any and they CERTAINLY wouldnt kick me out over it or anything for that matter...Sorry mate, but not my idea of great parenting tbh, but they, your kids, your rules :)

Then again I have extremely relaxed and awesome parents sooo. Just becuase of this it doesnt mean im any less of a person. I respect my parents a lot more becuase they never force me to do anything, as such I wont force my kids and hopefully they will turn out half decent like me and my bro.
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Hi mate, maybe you are just extremely lucky. Or maybe in a couple of years time, or whenever you'll be that person who keeps coming 2nd place to someone else for a job because you never really had to try for anything and don't know how to force yourself to get someonthing you really want.
I'm not saying you are Sime, but hopefully you'll see my point. If you've never been forced to do anything or experienced any great hardship cos of your great parents protecting you or just not pushing your forward, you could be in for a hell of a shock when you are presented with such a challenge.

As much as kids test boundaries with what they can get away with, i believe as parent its our responsibility to test our kids' resilience throughout their formative years, whether its showing no sympathy when they fall over and cut their knee, (trying to toughen them up?) or kicking them out at an older age hoping they can stand on their own 2 feet.
 
Gilly said:
The people he asked whether he'd been too harsh ;)
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Aye, kind of asked for that didn't i, lol.
But i think he's asking for opinions be they positive or negative. Some posts are judging him as a bad father without them being a father themselves. Not really helpful imho.

Since reading some very good and constructive posts, i have slightly altered my opinion and have posted as such. Iwould imagine they're the type of comments the op would find useful too.
 
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Knubje said:
Bit harsh on Sime imo; he has comented on his own experience to give some insight into the topic and you have basically called him/his family a bunch of wasters who won't achieve anything :p
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Couldn't agree more. My parents approach was certainly to have me respect them and want to get on with them through treating me kindly and with maturity, sounds like a similar approach to Sime's parents and I have never interviewed for a job and not got it, let alone lost out to some scabby kneed, boot holding person whose parents were intent on hardening up :p (although I somewhat fail to see the relevance of that.)
 
Knubje said:
Bit harsh on Sime imo; he has comented on his own experience to give some insight into the topic and you have basically called him/his family a bunch of wasters who won't achieve anything :p
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Unless you are reading another post, he said nothing of the sort!
 
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