Heart broken

Ripper

Ripper

Ripper

Soldato
Joined
25 Jan 2003
Posts
11,571
Location
Newark, Notts
Last night my girlfriend of 3.5 years told me she's not sure if she feels the same way anymore. I'd seen it coming and felt dodgy for the past two weeks but just tried to make myself think that it was me being paranoid.

Things have happened, she's started becoming less reliant on me in a way, and she has been seeing her friends more and more. She's also booked a holiday with them for next month (she's already been on holiday this summer with me), and she showed me less and less affection recently. She's always told me she wanted me to be more serious with her (see her more, do different things with her, stop over more etc). So the last two weeks i've been different towards her and made more effort and it seems thats made her realise its actually not what she wants.

We saw each other on Monday night and again she wasn't showing much affection towards me so when I got home I finally decided to phone her up and asked her what was up. We decided we'd speak the next day (last night) and that was when she told me.

However, we're best friends and she's been with me since she was 16 (me since 19), she told me she still loves me and doesn't not want to have me in her life. This talk lasted about 2-3 hours and we both cried bucket loads. I think in her eyes we're basically best friends instead of partners now, which makes it even harder to be fair :( I get on with her parents, my parents adore her, we are the perfect couple and I want to spend my life with her.

I left her house last night after telling her to have a proper think about what she wants and said goodbye and she said its not goodbye just good night, so I really don't know whats going on. She then text me when I got home saying "I'm so sorry I never wanted any of this to happen!". I never replied and i'm just waiting for her to make the next move now.

I'm absolutely gutted. I got home and just went straight to my mums room in tears which is completely sad for a 22 year old but that was how bad I felt. Today mum and dad have phoned me and I can't talk properly on the phone :(

I don't know what to expect form this thread but it just helps to talk about it, i've been texting a couple of my mates and they have been good towards me too. We cannot just become friends, as much as it kills me to lose her it'd kill me even more to be around her when she finds someone else.

I'm lost. I know people have far far worse problems but I can't help how I feel.
 
cut all contact - I won't be the only one saying this. It's easier in the long term


Edit - Perhaps I should add that's easier said than done, as I'm sure many of us know :p
 
Last edited:
penski said:
She's nailing me behind your back.

*n
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That's a horrible thing to say!!!

Good move on going to the parents and mates though, they'll help you through it if it's not meant to be. Maybe you should just be blunt with her and ask if she's in or if she's out?

PaulStat said:
cut all contact - I won't be the only one saying this. It's easier in the long term
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This is also good advice if it's not meant to be too.
 
You need to do your best to give her space and cut off contact for a week or so whilst she thinks about what she wants. Use this time to TRY to see your own friends, do not become a recluse. Have a think about what you want and begin trying to imagine life without her, just in case she does realise that she wants to end it.

It will be hard for some time but you WILL get over it. As I said, see your mates and get out there doing things to occupy your time which would otherwise be spent with her.

If you keep in touch with her you will only push her away further. You NEED to give her some space and once she is ready she will get in touch and you can both talk about what you want.

Good luck mate.
 
It'll get better mate, at that sort of stage it's natural for staleness to creep in. As said by many, the best things to do is go out with your mates, get trashed and move on.

Find a hobby or three and persue it, you have all the time in the world now. Don't think about the next girl, get this one out of your system first.

Have some decent "you" time and sort yourself out. Once you have come to terms with it, set yourself some goals for next year. Such as perhaps going to the gym and being a certain weight and muscle tone etc. Perhaps aspiring to progress your career or becoming better at a sport.

All these things will help you move on and give you some direction, whilst helping you to get over her.

The sad reality is that if at all, she'll probably only realise what she had when it's too late. Usually when she finds out you are with someone else.

Be strong and use the people closest to you. You'll get through it.

penski said:
She's nailing me behind your back.

*n
Click to expand...

Quaint. Don't be a such a ****.
 
tell her you will give her 1 month to step back and decide what she wants, if she comes back and says she wants to be 'best friends' walk away and accept its over.

The break might make her realise what she had and she may come back and to you.
 
Ripper said:
I'd seen it coming and felt dodgy for the past two weeks but just tried to make myself think that it was me being paranoid.

Things have happened, she's started becoming less reliant on me in a way, and she has been seeing her friends more and more. She's also booked a holiday with them for next month .
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Been there mate, it is over.

I'm assuming the bedroom fun has dropped off to a degree?

Walk away with head held high and some dignity.
 
Let her go. Completely. If she comes back, great, if not, you'll get over her.

I know you don't think that now, but you will... it could take a lifetime, but you'll definitely get over her.

And there's nothing wrong with crying - or showing emotion. We're human after all.
 
I play in a squash league, I go to the gym most days but my squash has suffered since i've been feeling worried. These things only take up so much time which is the problem.

I've been doing nothing since May as I finished my degree and start a PGCE teacher training course in September, it hasn't helped really because i've had too much time to think about things and now its too late to get a job because i'm on a subject knowledge course in two weeks. I know I have plenty to look forward to but I can't help but feel she's throwing the perfect relationship away, nobody will ever feel the way I do about her and I told her this. I'll give her the perfect life and she'll never want for nothing.
 
david.n.c said:
Been there mate, it is over.

I'm assuming the bedroom fun has dropped off to a degree?

Walk away with head held high and some dignity.
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Yes :( As a sort of desperation act I took her to blackpool weekend before last just to get away for a bit as we'd talked about going and the sex just felt forced.
 
Ripper said:
I'll give her the perfect life and she'll never want for nothing.
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With respect mate, whilst I don't disagree with you, it's not what SHE wants.

Women RARELY want (really) what they need. You can't apply logic to emotions - especially love. She thinks she doesn't want you (she might not know and doesn't want to string you along for x more months), and, frankly, that's enough for her.

You can't make someone love you. I really, really wish you could, but you can't. Chalk it down to experience and move on. :(
 
Tough break, this is why I never completely invest myself in anybody. Get out with your friends, the first few weeks are the worst, you just need to cram stuff in and get through it.
 
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