Help me sort my head out. :(

Matt-Page said:
Why can't i let go? Why am i so eager on trying to win her back?
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In my opinion its to do with having some structure, some familiarity, something solid in your life. She WAS a major part in your life for a long time, and as a result it will feel odd to not have her there anymore. You just need to remind yourself that there will be someone else out there who makes you feel even more special/loved/wanted than your ex ever did, and that one day (perhaps not soon) you will feel 100% content with who you are with at the time.

Its hard, and most of us have been there at some point, but you HAVE to move on, if not only for your own sanity.

Perhaps you aren't actually 100% satisfied with yourself, do you feel the NEED to be with someone, or that you can't be truly happy on your own? If so, perhaps take a step back and take a look at your own life. You may find that you are missing something from your own life that makes you happy about yourself, and when you find it, you will be able to find someone who loves you for who you are, and not loves you to fill a hole in your own personality.

Go take up a new hobby, something to occupy your mind! I took up rockclimbing last time I split up with an ex, did me the world of good!
 
We bought it and renovated it. I did as much as i could and got tradesman in for the other bits. The house was completely gutted (plaster off all walls damp proofed, new windows, doors, kitchecn, bathroom, etc etc. Every room was ocmpletely re-done top to bottom.
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I signed the house over to her and got a crappy pay out which was worth nothing.
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Since then i have been in contact for periods of time, first off it was because she begged me for help with the house, it wasn't finished so i did it. I finished it all, and it looks amazing.
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she left it then contacted me in a panic one morning saying she had spilt water in her laptop, and was really upset. she had recently got it (which i helped her choose and setup). I fixed it (it took hours and had to get parts from Dell (lied and got parts sent on warranty).
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This makes me pretty angry just reading it.

What a shallow, snotty nosed female dog. You do all this, and she treats you like that? I know using the term "punch in the ovaries" is normally a joke, but this woman is 100% deserving.

But also, why are you being so plain... stupid? STOP pandering to her every need. STOP chasing her. STOP giving her everything. You signed the house over to her? WHY?

Cut yourself off TOTALLY. No contact whatsoever. Go out, meet new girls. And forget about her. And if you do think about her, remember this - What goes around comes around. She will get what's coming to her for being so selfish.

Trust me, i've had an ex get me arrested just to be plain spiteful, and whilst i'm now in a 4-year relationship with the best, most amazing person ever, she's trying to kick a drug habit. Being a prat does catch up with you.
 
paradigm said:
Perhaps you aren't actually 100% satisfied with yourself, do you feel the NEED to be with someone, or that you can't be truly happy on your own? If so, perhaps take a step back and take a look at your own life. You may find that you are missing something from your own life that makes you happy about yourself, and when you find it, you will be able to find someone who loves you for who you are, and not loves you to fill a hole in your own personality.
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Good advice.
 
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from what you said it seems that she made you feel crap about yourself, now ask yourself this question, do you really need someone in your life that makes you feel bad about yourself?

Move on, get a hobby, go on hoilday with a group of friends.


when you do get 'closure' you will realise how manipulative that girl has been and be glad that you have moved on.
 
Thanks guys, all of you. Thank you for your kind comments.

Well I'll know to be more careful in the future. I always wanted her to be happy, and she is now, she has everything she will ever need.

How do i go about saying it to her? Nicely tell her, or just tell her to sod off and never contact me again?

I go on holiday on Thursday with my mates, 18-30's hotel in Kos so no doubt i will find something to take my mind off things.

I guess im now down on my weight gain, but i know i can loose it. I have just bought a new bike and used to be into Mountain biking in a big way so will get back into that.

I have tried doing new things and meeting new people, but i always seem to think of her.

I should format brain:
 
Matt-Page said:
I have tried doing new things and meeting new people, but i always seem to think of her.
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That's one of the hardest things to tackle, my ex pops into my head all the time but to be honest with any relationship that long/serious you're going to suffer when it ends and for a long time.

The good news is though that it does get better.
 
I can only echo what everyone else has said really: get rid for good.

You did the right thing straight away by cutting contact, I've found that to be the best method if a relationship ends on bad terms, or not in your favour.

The fact you went back to help with the house, and do little things like fix her computer etc, meant that the original sudden seperation ultimately did no good, and he constant umming and arring about should we try again etc has just made you have doubts, wondering if you can get back together.

Definately change your number, if she comes around and asks what's going on, tell her you want nothing to do with her anymore, if you still have any financial ties then by all means sort them out, don't be nasty, just be straight and don't dither, definately don't help her out with computer problems etc.

I would definately not want to be with someone so shallow that after a 5 year relationship they suddenly go off you completely to the point of seperating a serious relationship just because you put on some weight, is that a person you want to spend the rest of your life with? I know I'd never be able to look at her again without feeling disgusted, that's for sure.

The best thing you can do is cut your ties, move on as best as you can, it'll be hard but the less contact you have, the easier it will be. It sucks that you had a nice home at the cottage and aren't happy with where you're living at the moment, but it proves you're moving on. Things can only get better bud :)

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Matt-Page said:
I have tried doing new things and meeting new people, but i always seem to think of her.

I should format brain:
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Don't worry about that, I should imagine it happens to everyone. I remember when I couldn't go an hour without thinking of my ex. Trust me, one day in the future something will remind you of her and you'll realise you haven't thought about her in ages, that's proof that you're finally putting it behind you.
 
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The problem with relationships is that when you are in them, you cannot see things that other people can see from the outside as you are emotionally attached.

In this case, she is blatently a player, and will probably strive to see if the other side of the grass is greener until she realises that you were good to her. It will bite her in the ass this mate, treating you like this, fate has a funny way of coming back and biting you in the ass.

Get rid mate. Delete her number, stop all contact, find a reason to get angry with her, don't do this to her face though, use this as a coping technique ;)

Next, get your ass in the gym, get a mop chop and get your confidence back, and attract someone far, far better than her. Your too good for her mate, simple as.
 
Andelusion said:
I can only echo what everyone else has said really: get rid for good.

You did the right thing straight away by cutting contact, I've found that to be the best method if a relationship ends on bad terms, or not in your favour.

The fact you went back to help with the house, and do little things like fix her computer etc, meant that the original sudden seperation ultimately did no good, and he constant umming and arring about should we try again etc has just made you have doubts, wondering if you can get back together.

Definately change your number, if she comes around and asks what's going on, tell her you want nothing to do with her anymore, if you still have any financial ties then by all means sort them out, don't be nasty, just be straight and don't dither, definately don't help her out with computer problems etc.

I would definately not want to be with someone so shallow that after a 5 year relationship they suddenly go off you completely to the point of seperating a serious relationship just because you put on some weight, is that a person you want to spend the rest of your life with? I know I'd never be able to look at her again without feeling disgusted, that's for sure.

The best thing you can do is cut your ties, move on as best as you can, it'll be hard but the less contact you have, the easier it will be. It sucks that you had a nice home at the cottage and aren't happy with where you're living at the moment, but it proves you're moving on. Things can only get better bud :)

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Don't worry about that, I should imagine it happens to everyone. I remember when I couldn't go an hour without thinking of my ex. Trust me, one day in the future something will remind you of her and you'll realise you haven't thought about her in ages, that's proof that you're finally putting it behind you.
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Thanks dude, and thanks to everyone else. Everything i do in my life at the moment i seem to think what she would thik of it, or do it to try to get her back.

I still don't know how to tell her, how to word it as such. Should it be short and to the point?

And what is it with woman wanting the man to be a little more mean to them? She has also said i was too nice to her, and she got her way if she gave me the silent treatment, i used to give in because i want a peacful life :)

Just goes to show, all those woman who want a "nice guy" are talking rubbish. I don't really like treating them like dirt, i dislike some of the things my mates do to their GF's.

I think music has been myy saviour, i love it and it helps me when im down. Especially Arcade Fire.
 
Mate, I finally plucked up the courage a month or so ago to dump my now ex-girlfriend after she degenerated into a lazy cow that didn't want to go to work or do anything... she expected me to bankroll her all the time, pay her bills etc but I finally got the balls to say enough is enough.

I'm happy now as I have my confidence back, have been getting some attention from someone I liked before and have a much more healthy bank balance!

On the flip side, she is putting on loads of weight, looks rough and is with some loser who has a 2 year old kid and a crap job! While this has been going on she has texted me asking me to pay bills for her as her bloke won't help and will "get funny" with her... my satisfying answer consisted of a four letter word followed by "off" :)

My advice is to drop all contact, and move on. I am really gutted that you signed the house over - I wonder if there is any legal room for a u-turn if you weren't in a stable frame of mind. She is basically taking you for a ride and getting what she wants out of you - very typical modern woman wanting her cake and also wanting to eat it.

Find a decent woman with the same outlook who respects you and wants to live on an equal footing and go for it!
 
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It REALLY bothers me that you did everything for her and then walked away and left her with everything, and still you keep doing things for her.

Did it not enter your mind that this is probably all that she was after from the start?

You've been used, big time mate. I mean look at it. She's "set up for life" as you call it, and you're left with nothing, still running around after her, and lets face it, I seriously doubt you've gained any weight, she's probably just using it as a shallow excuse to get rid of you.

And I think you know that, which is why it hurts so much.

But you have the perfect chance to move on. Go on holiday. Have LOTS of fun. That's an order from me and probably just about everyone on the OcUK forums. And when you get back, cut her out. Trust me, she'll miss you more than you'll miss her (simply because she might actually have to do something for herself instead of calling you :rolleyes: ).
 
You don't need to tell her you're not talking to her, just don't do it anymore! Otherwise it looks like you're attention seeking. First day of the rest of your life starts now, enjoy it and good luck! :)
 
BTW - if she completely owns the house now and it accidentally burned down while she was away, and it wasn't insured properly because you weren't around to pay the premium, that would be areally upsetting :)

Just kidding... but that would be proof of Karma.
 
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**** (beginning with c)


Go round to her house, steal her cards, set fire to the place. (joking ;))

What an absolute ***** of a woman.

Next time she asks you for help, **** it up in the worse way possible.
 
Solari said:
BTW - if she completely owns the house now and it accidentally burned down while she was away, and it wasn't insured properly because you weren't around to pay the premium, that would be areally upsetting :)

Just kidding... but that would be proof of Karma.
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Exactly. I'm just about stopping short of saying she deserves physical harm, but she deserves to lose EVERYTHING you gave her.
 
It's really difficult to lose someone who has been a big part of your life for years. Even if you don't love each other any more, people get into a routine, they get comfortable being around the same person and with everything that comes with it. It is probably very difficult for her to cut off her ties to you, because she is so used to you being in her life.

By the sound of things, you're not doing yourself any favours by continuing to talk to her. Perhaps, in time, you can be friends, but for now, the best thing that you can do is completely cut off contact. If you need to, change your mobile number, delete her numbers from your phone and email addresses from your address book/msn. It is difficult, but it is the only way you can move on.

You're still very young, and you've got plenty of time to meet someone. Most of my friends who are 20-22 are still single, and are in no rush to be in a serious relationship, both male and female.

EDIT: From the way you speak in the OP, I don't think you want to go for the casual one night stand thing to get over her. Don't feel pushed into doing anything you don't want to just because your friends say it's the right thing to do, because it could end up making you feel worse.
 
Why o' why did you sign the house over to her for? :eek: :(

Sounds like she rode you for all you were worth, got you to do up her house and kicked you to the kerb!
 
i feel for you :(

she rode you... now you must ride someone in her immediate family ;) :D

tbh it's all about treat them mean, keep them keen :confused: which i hate... mainly because of the fact that I'm a 'good' guy..

cut all contact and get out there... your too good for her :)
 
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