Help me sort my head out. :(

Hate to be blunt but you need to grow some ******* backbone dude!

Getting in contact to say you're cutting contact from her is not the right way to go, she'll just either make you feel guilty, make yourself feel guilty or both

I should probably repeat what everyone else is saying, but you'll probably just come back in a few weeks time, say you've given into her again and think to yourself "why did I do this"

Everyones advice has been sound, after all, we've all been through it. I remove all contact from my ex's and it's made me life a lot easier compared to my friends who still have contact with their ex's.

Just get on with your life and move on for christ sake. She's really not worth any ounce of your time. Try and re-kindle this thing with that other bird too.
 
If a relationship clearly isn't working, and you definately aren't happy then the best way to deal with things is simply to end it. You must be the one to end it and then never speak to them again, change your mobile number if you have to.

It's always better to be the person that ends a relationship, then be the person who has to accept that decision because you've already arrived at that mental location and it's easier mentally, believe me.
 
Ok this IS gonna sound harsh but it needs to be said!
I kinda went thru the same thing with an ex fiance, I don't know what it was, but she had this way of making me bend to her every whim!
we split up a few times the last time for a year, I met a few really nice girls but eventually got back together with her again,
Things seemed fine! the sex was amazing! but eventually the cat exploded from the bag when I came home early from work one day to find her in my bed with 3 guys, one of em' being a best m8!
As you can imagine it ripped my heart to shreads! well I eventually found out she had been diong this over the entire 4 years we had been together, going away for weekends just for sex aswell!
She played me hook line and sinker.
it took me two years to get over her because I had let her manipulate me so much so that I was blind to everything going on around me and like I said, she ripped my heart to shreads!
Plus, unfortunately two really nice girls got hurt in the process, one of them was a close friend! thats one of the hardest things to think about actually!

well x number of years down the road, I've learned how to trust women again and now I've been engaged for 5 years and have a little boy who I adore!
We had our problems early on but we learned to communicate and get thru it.
anyway, enuff of my rambling,
My advice to you, is get the hell out!!!! please do it for your sanity!
forget about women for now, go out with the lads, get mashed, go to strip clubs etc etc! you will get over her but the longer you carry this on the harder its gonna hurt later on!! believe me m8;)
 
mcast123 said:
Print out a big poster, one A4 sheet per letter saying " She does not love me and no matter what I do she never will". Stick it on your bedroom wall and stare at it until it sinks in.

I've been in the same situation mate. All those people that say, go out and get laid then you'll be cured, haven't been in love. There is NO easy answer. My ex left me two years ago for another bloke, I became an alcoholic and depressed etc. I did finally get over it.

My advice...

DO NOT contact her - it seems simple but it's the most difficult thing you will have to do, probably worse than giving up crack.

DO NOT forget how she feels - she does NOT want you or fancy, your brain will keep telling there is still hope, "what if". It sounds harsh but there is no hope. Think logically (it's hard), if she texted to say her sink was broken you would be over there in a flash. You WILL misread this as she still wants you in some way, she DOES NOT.

DO get on with your life - you're in a hole, you have to try and dig yourself out one small step at a time. Try to get in shape, when you're down it's twice as difficult as you have no motivation, but fight it. You say your flat is crap? why? because she's not there? Why can't you do it up and make it look nice, you did it before. This is the wrong time to meet other women, it might even make things worse, but keep an open mind.

DO remember time heals - each day that passes you will get a tiny bit more over her. A day will come when she is out your system.

So one girl doesn't want you, I bet my life that in time there will be another as good if not better. Remember, this isn't your mum talking, it's a anonymous person on the net. I couldn't care less about you, I'm just passing on what I've learnt.
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You care enough about him to take the time to post that great advice - well done TBH. I am going through something similar myself ATM, but it's far more complicated because she's three months pregnant with my child. No clean break for me! ;)

We're still good friends though, and I have accepted her decision mentally and realise it's for the best. It's far better for our child and ourselves if we can stay great friends.

It is hard going through any seperation, I had an awful week emotionally last week while on holiday, but I am pretty much over that now and am strongly focussed on re-arranging my life so I can be the best possible father to my new child.

I'm quite excited to tell you the truth :)
 
Have just read the original post. My advice forget her and move on. Get a new number so she can't call.

It sounds like she is wasting your time and playing around with you until something better might come along, it may never come along for her so she'll then come back to you but it won't be genuine.

10 years down the road and two kids later she'll leave you for someone else.

Better to split now than in the future when things could be a lot worse.

I have been through this type of situtation and to me it sounds like she can't be trusted and thats what counts.

mcast123's dos & don'ts are spot on.
 
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To be completely honest it just sounds like she needs a socket buddy as she obviously can't find better elsewhere!
Don't give her the satisfaction of using you as a plaything/doormat!
Its not gonna be easy but 'LET HER GO'
Seriously you'll thank us all in the end!:D
 
It's like this - she doesn't want you but she doesn't want anyone else to have you. Had an ex like that - hence he's now my ex. And am very glad as I now have the best bloke in the world.

If you want to settle for something that's not quite right instead of getting on with your life and finding something better then that's totally up to you. No one else can help you sort it I'm afraid.
 
Been in this exact same situation minus the house bit and you will get ****** over. Sorry but you need a fresh start.

Ever thought about teaching english? Great way to see the world esp if you go somewhere cool with loads of parties etc.
 
I read this thread the first time around, but I didn't reply, I know why you do it, and you probably know why you do it too... Its because you're afraid to be alone... You think you're happier with her than you would be without her, you're waiting on something better to come along...

Grow up.
 
She sounds like a emotinal vampire to me. Gets you to help buy the house, do it up and within a few days a new bloke is in, to me it sounds like she planned it.

If this is the case, get rid of her, your 22 FFS! get out there and enjoy life, having your own home and kids is not the only way to have fun, go and met people, have fun, spend the money you now have on things you want instead of her.

If she rings you, dont answer it, if she calls round dont answer the door, if she see's you int he street and shouts your name, walk past her. Until you do this, your soul is hers and she will suck it dry...

RUN! get back into the light of life and enjoy it. As for not getting her out of your head, think, everything she did was planned, used you to give her a new home and another bloke a new home, paid you peanuts for your hard work. Thinks so little of you she lets you fix her IT bits just so she can see you squirm, MAN! wake up and smell the coffee.

We have all been used in life, its hard, but stop thinking of the nice things you had with her, think more of the fact she let you have them to get you do build her a house, then exchanged you for another bloke....

Upto you, but you wouldnt see me for dust.... Keep getting fit, keep meeting people, use the net for groups and get to know more people. Tell people what she did and let them make up their minds...

Welcome back man, to the light side..... now go open a can of lucazade and go cycle 20 miles everytime you think of her, at least then she has done you some good....

Colin - synical sod at heart :)
 
Matt-Page said:
Hello all, i am hoping you might be able to help me sort my head out. Yes i know it is sad to ask this on an internet forum but my mates think the answer is to "Go out and pull a dirty little hussy in a night club".
It really is playing me up and is constantly on my mind so please don't take the NO SWEARING

It is about my ex girlfriend (yes i hear your sighs "Not another GF thread!") who i was with for 5 years. I am 22.
Everything was going well and we were living together in her 1 bed house. She saw a cottage up for sale close by which was cheap but obviously needed work doing. We bought it and renovated it. I did as much as i could and got tradesman in for the other bits. The house was completely gutted (plaster off all walls damp proofed, new windows, doors, kitchecn, bathroom, etc etc. Every room was ocmpletely re-done top to bottom. Not long after we bought it i noticed her being a bit offish with me. The sex reduced to almost nothing and what there was, was crap. She didn't want to sit close to me when we watched TV, etc. I kept questioning her, she did say she didn't know what was wrong but eventually came out and said it was because i had put on weight. True i had, but it was because i had to stop all my sports, etc after an operation on my back. It got worse, she started to hate me, and tell me everything i did was wrong. I suggested we go out in the evenings or for days out. I offered holidays, visitng family, took her out to films, theatre and meals etc. She still didn't seem overly fussed by me. She then almost completely shut me off and hardley spoke to me, and wouldn't talk about it. I started to get down so i spent more time with my mates, but everytime i did she would phone me and scream at me to come home. I normally did, because she would sound so upset on the phone.

The relationship ended in October last year. She demanded i move out, so i moved back with my parents. 3 days after leaving i went back to pick some stuff up and found some random bloke in my front room. I didn't react, i just went upstairs to get some things and got upset and left. After being away from her for a couple of weeks, i contacted her and asked to talk, i told her i wanted to try to sort things out and that i wanted her back. She said No, she didn't want to, she wanted "time". I signed the house over to her and got a crappy pay out which was worth nothing.

Since then i have been in contact for periods of time, first off it was because she begged me for help with the house, it wasn't finished so i did it. I finished it all, and it looks amazing. It's exactly how i would have wanted it and it is gut wrenching to see it all finished knowing it could have been mine. After i finished the house, i told her again how i felt and she said she wasn't sure but wanted to be good friends. I couldn't handle that so i cut contact again. She contacted me again a month later, asking how i was etc. I ignored her but she kept trying. she left it then contacted me in a panic one morning saying she had spilt water in her laptop, and was really upset. she had recently got it (which i helped her choose and setup). I fixed it (it took hours and had to get parts from Dell (lied and got parts sent on warranty). I said i was cutting contact again because i still felt the same, and she said she wasn't sure, she said if we tried again it would have to be different, etc. I agreed and said we could try, but nothing fast or serious. She said she wanted me in every way but still didn't fancey me, so it couldn;t be romantic (WTF?!?!) I have now been able to star sport again so i have lost some weight and its dropping off with the football and cycling but its still too much. We went for a day out the other day then onto the cinema, it was great and we got along really well. I went out lkast night, got absoloutely ruined and saw her in a club. I asked her how she felt now, etc etc. She didn't want to talk but i continued and messed things up. Went over today to say sorry and she said she still can't make up her mind. For her it seems to boil down to she doesn't fancey me, thus meaning she can't have a relationship.

My head is in an utter state and i dont know what to do. I have told her i want a definate answer by Wednesday before i go away on holiday with the lads to Kos. I've felt crap for 8 months and i want closure. I still love her and want her back. Should i try to be fjust friends with her or cut all contact? I know if i am friends with her and she tells me she has found someone else it would destroy me again. Also if we are friends i will always hope for more.

Am i a complete NO SWEARING? I am also considering movign away from this county, somewhere new and fresh.

My word I cannot believe how you have let her treat you like a mug! I am going to be cruel and blunt (Jeremy Kyle style), get the hell over it right now. Even if she wants you back she is not good enough for you at all. Please don't let yourself be treated like a piece of trash.

Thanks for listening and sorry for droning on. Ask any questons and pass on your advice as i am sure there have been others in this situation.
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Jesus, you really are a sucker for punishment.

You're obviously not ready to have another relationship with someone yet as you're obviously not over your ex despite trying to tell yourself you are.

Now think of the other lass you're not being truthful to, you're doing nothing but setting her up for a fall as you've entered a relationship with her when you clearly shouldn't.

Imagine making her feel as bad, as your ex made you feel. I've now been single for over a year after 31st March 06 and I'm very happy with an amazing job I love. Girls to me are nothing but eye candy, I feel no inclination to start a relationship with everyone I make eye contact with.

I'm no longer angry and bitter, if the right girl comes along and that spark just happens (which is how it happened with my ex, the only girl I have ever loved) then so be it.

No offense but your posts come over as someone who is very desperate and in a rush to be loved.
 
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