Help with absenteism

Status
Not open for further replies.

moremoney

moremoney

moremoney

Associate
Joined
16 Dec 2008
Posts
1,643
Location
UK
We have had enough.

For the last month our 12 year old daughter has refused to go to school.
We have taken her to the school gate, she has run off, or just point blank refused to go in.

Today when she refused to get out of bed, i dragged her out onto the floor.
She just lay there and refused to move.(it took all of my strength not to hit her, and i wanted to).

We have told the school the truth about her absenteism, we even have a (problem) school helper involved, but they move so slow.

Eventually we will be fined and/or she COULD be taken into care.

We are at our wits end and it is putting a strain on our relationship that we could well do without.

This morning my wife said she just wanted to get in the car and drive away.

We just don't know why all of a sudden she does not want to go, according to her teachers she gets on well and has great potential.

We just want/need to know what has changed because we love her, and God forbid we haven't missed somthing that would make her just another statistic.

You go from,,,,we have to discipline her,,,,,but don't push her over the edge,,,, that you read about in the news quite often now.

What have we missed?:confused:
 
Have you tried talking to her, maybe ask why she doesn't want to go? Maybe she has problems at school or something?
 
Does she have an allowance? If so, cut it off until she starts attending again, control of the purse strings can be a powerful tool :)
 
Sounds like you need to have a real sit down with her and get the reason why she doesn't wanna go. Failing that, take away her money, computer, TV, etc until she budges... I used to hate it when my parents did that and ended up doing anything they wanted :p
 
Lay down the law, take away her luxuries untill she goes, when she starts making progress start giving them back to her.
 
apeZ said:
Have you tried talking to her, maybe ask why she doesn't want to go? Maybe she has problems at school or something?
Click to expand...

Mik3 said:
Is it possible she might be getting bullied?
Click to expand...

One of those imo.

She may getting bullied so bad that she would rather take the flak from the School and her rents than go and face whoever it is.

Talk to her and ask the reasons why, sit her down Ma and Pa and talk it out, no shouting just chatting and get her to open up about the real reason.
 
Super Nanny?

Taser?

Sorry I really have no idea how to takle this. What do your collective parents think about this? After all they have been there, done it etc.

Perhaps this is just 'a phase' - you hear parents talk about this all the time, sometimes kids just sort themselves out.

Good luck with whatever plan of action you decide.

n
 
There must be a reason. If she won't talk to you about it it might be time to arrange for her to see a doctor, they might have more luck getting to the route of the problem.
 
Only your child can tell you what's really stopping her going, schools are pretty clueless tbh.
Sounds like bullying to me, ask her what would make her want to go to school, even suggest a new school. If you know the parents of any of her friends give them a call and see i they can coax any info from their child.

Good luck and i hope you get it sorted.
 
She is almost certainly being bullied, perhaps because she is clever or not clever enough or perhaps she is taller, fatter, thinner, etc than some other kid. She might be struggling with puberty and the "changes" which is why she doesnt want to go - either way you need to sit down and talk to her about it, but my money is on bullying.
 
Tried and done all of the above, no luck, even asked my mum and she said same.

When we ask her what is wrong she says "nothing dad".

It is so hard to know how hard to push.
 
Slime101 said:
She is almost certainly being bullied,...
Click to expand...

Perhaps you can speak to some of the parents of kids in the same class as your daughter - maybe their kids might know something, or be able to shed some light?

n


edit - would she fess up to her grandparents? Its worth trying a different angle.
 
moremoney said:
Tried and done all oth the above, no luck, even asked my mum ans she said same.

When we ask her what is wrong she says "nothing dad".

It is so hard to know how hard to push.
Click to expand...

Push as hard as you need to, it's creating serious problems. Push until it's resolved and so you can start to make progress towards the solution.
 
naefeart said:
Perhaps you can speak to some of the parents of kids in the same class as your daughter - maybe their kids might know something, or be able to shed some light?

n


edit - would she fess up to her grandparents? Its worth trying a different angle.
Click to expand...

If you let the other pupils know somthing is wrong, then that would be a problem.
 
Try and setup a meet with yourself, her and someone senior from the school but not the head (as shes more likely to just clam up) - deputy or year head and see if you can't bring the issue to the surface - if its just her being lazy then she might decide its not worth taking it that far and get on with school - but if its an issue at school you really want that dealt with rather it making her and your lives a misery.

EDIT: If something happened that the other kids are teasing her over and won't let drop the only option may be to change schools.
 
Last edited:
Break out the Sodium Pentothal and find out what's wrong with her. Before you can find a solution you need to know the problem.

MW
 
I'll add that I upto year 10 in Secondary school I had awful, awful attendance due to pure laziness. I would play on illnesses constantly or just refuse to go - until I seen my mum crying. I went from then on and now i'm afraid to miss a day. Don't let her get away with it otherwise she'll get into a routine.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top Bottom