how can I prevent son from using internet after 11pm

pumaz said:
There are 2 reasons I want him to turn his PC off at 11, one is for noise - he as a very deep voice, a mechanical keyboard and plays a lot of Counterstrike which we simply can't sleep through and we need to be up for work at 6am. Two is trying to keep fuel bills down a bit.

snip

...family members have got him a couple of jobs at supermarkets but he lost them both due to being lazy! Basically his whole life revolves around Counterstrike, just wish he'd grow up :(
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Sounds like the lazy git needs to grow up.
The house is your castle. If you command no noise after 10PM because your job requires you to get up at 6AM then he must be considerate. Also add a gentle reminder this pays for the house.
If he is up until the early hours I'd say I am 99% certain a teenager will be streaming pornography.

I have worked at 7 different Tesco stores, and to get sacked due to laziness is an achievement in itself in retail tbh.

IronWarrior said:
I do feel for you and to be honest, his life is a lot like mine so I totally understand.

Job wise, it's anyone's guess, it's very likely he hasn't found the right job yet and working at supermarkets isn't something he or I would want to do. If he finds a job that he would enjoy, he will soon change.
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OP: Do not follow this advice. This would make you his enabler.

The worst thing you can do is make excuses for him.
Who gives a flying **** if he did not like the retail job - We all have had jobs we hate, but we do what we need to so that we keep a roof over our heads.
If I threw in the towel every time I feel like putting my head through a window at work I would be at the job centre on a monthly basis!

Also, why has he got a mechanical keyboard if he is unemployed?
 
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just put your foot down pumaz. Cut his net completely. Tell him to go get a job and pay for his own internet. Put your router and modem in a locked cupboard, or move the gear to your bedroom - watch him try to turn it back on then.

Come on, he's 19. And he's playing you. Shape up or ship out!
 
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I have 2 sons; 18 and 20. The first thing you need to understand is you are his parent, not his friend. He may not like you all the time, especially if he doesn't agree with your decisions. Learn to live with it. Secondly, never, ever threaten something you will not carry out.

My sons both pushed the limits. They were warned - either manage this yourselves or I will. They failed to manage it. Firstly they were punished by no internet access for a period of time for putting me into the position where I had to step in. Secondly I placed restrictions on the router and actively checked the traffic logs.

Any teenager with enough know-how can get round these systems of course. But to do so without leaving the evidence is not worth the hassle involved. They knew that if they tried the restrictions would get more severe. I would if needed take the hard drives out of their machines, take away power cables, take the router to work etc. Whatever I threatened would happen, would actually happen.

Now I'm not holding myself up as the high watermark of parenting - far from it. But kids (and yes, at 19 they are still effectively kids) need to know who is in charge. It has nothing to do with being 'fair' because nothing short of total capitulation will be fair in their eyes. They need to understand that you hold all the power and will not be afraid to use it. Keep the 'nuclear' options back for when you really need them as those options leave nothing to go to should they not work. He will either tow the line or leave. The fight won't be pretty, but you will win. And he will (eventually) respect you for it.
 
Loses a lot of sympathy from me if he lost supermarket jobs purely due to being lazy - its not easy at that age if things don't fall into place and sometimes its just not worth wasting your life working under unreasonable bosses while on minimum wage but if its just laziness another matter entirely.

At that age I temped at screwfix and worked **** hard until I had the qualifications/opportunities for something better.

Rather than just putting your foot down immediatly and cutting it off though I'd give him a chance (on warning) to get out and get a job first and if he doesn't manage to show some (real) progress in a month or so then stick to your guns.

EDIT: Though if hes started turning the PC off at 11 might be worth playing it out now.

OpenToSuggestions said:
I have worked at 7 different Tesco stores, and to get sacked due to laziness is an achievement in itself in retail tbh.
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Not sure if its movies/tv to blame but we've noticed at work for the last ~2 years a shocking number of school leavers seem to think its the normal done thing at work to screw around and do the minimum possible and don't think they are going to get fired for it - we've had to get rid of some which has made some of others sit up a bit and put more effort in. In the past its never really been an issue - you'd get the odd 1 that was lazy but lately its been the case with a far larger proportion of new hires.
 
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Problem is kids or "young adults" are generally more spoilt these days IMO. They have a complete lack of responsibility because most of the time they know mum and dad will take care of it. Take this guy as an example he's playing CS all night because he doesn't need to pay any rent or any bills.
 
Thanks for the advice guys you've gave me a lot to think about.

Unplugging router or modem is not an option due to various devices using the network during the night, also the fact I have already said to him "it's purely about the noise and saving on the electric bill' you perfectly welcome to browse the net on your tablet if you can't sleep"

My son as much as I love him is unbelievably lazy and I do worry how he'll get on in life. He complains about being broke but the when I offer him jobs round the house and garden for decent money he says ok but never does them!

I think he won is mechanical keyboard at a LAN event, plays CSS. Most of the stuff he has as been from us as Christmas and birthday gifts. I'm hoping as his system ages (i5 sandy bridge and 7950 again he won this) it will encourage him to get off is backside! I've even tried to get him to come out running and cycling with but not a chance lol
 
Probably worth checking his pc too. You could be setting all these restrictions on your own router to limit his access only to find that he's actually using a nearby unsecured network.
 
No-One said:
Probably worth checking his pc too. You could be setting all these restrictions on your own router to limit his access only to find that he's actually using a nearby unsecured network.
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Technically hes an adult - checking his PC without his permission even under those circumstances is tredding dodgy ground.
 
ExRayTed said:
I have 2 sons; 18 and 20. The first thing you need to understand is you are his parent, not his friend. He may not like you all the time, especially if he doesn't agree with your decisions. Learn to live with it. Secondly, never, ever threaten something you will not carry out.

My sons both pushed the limits. They were warned - either manage this yourselves or I will. They failed to manage it. Firstly they were punished by no internet access for a period of time for putting me into the position where I had to step in. Secondly I placed restrictions on the router and actively checked the traffic logs.

Any teenager with enough know-how can get round these systems of course. But to do so without leaving the evidence is not worth the hassle involved. They knew that if they tried the restrictions would get more severe. I would if needed take the hard drives out of their machines, take away power cables, take the router to work etc. Whatever I threatened would happen, would actually happen.

Now I'm not holding myself up as the high watermark of parenting - far from it. But kids (and yes, at 19 they are still effectively kids) need to know who is in charge. It has nothing to do with being 'fair' because nothing short of total capitulation will be fair in their eyes. They need to understand that you hold all the power and will not be afraid to use it. Keep the 'nuclear' options back for when you really need them as those options leave nothing to go to should they not work. He will either tow the line or leave. The fight won't be pretty, but you will win. And he will (eventually) respect you for it.
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When one hears and reads these stories of todays teenagers, I don't know whether it's good or bad but from so many problems nowadays it seems technology has brought out the worst in so many people. Addiction.
It appears there's more bad than good.

To think back when I was 18/19 it was 56k internet and so many never had the addictions to live off the internet 24/7. You couldn't anyway or you'd block incoming calls. Sure we gamed and such after college/university from time to time then went out. Nobody had this obsession the way it is currently.

Now look at most people, nearly everywhere I go now their life is through smartphones or electronics of some sort. Always walking thumbing and heads down. No matter where. They can't stay off them. Like whats so important that they can't stay off it more than 30 minutes?

Reminds me of the programme on Sky Sports two nights ago, Whats the story? When they were talking about they went out and played even until dark. Now todays kids or a huge percentage just want to stay in and play on xboxes/iPads of some sort. It's like we're a lost nation now all thanks to the power of advertising. Must.... have....
 
I feel your pain bud, I had the same with my stepson at that age except his crack was cod on the ps3 from dusk till dawn. I wanted to smash it with a hammer.
 
pumaz said:
I'm hoping as his system ages (i5 sandy bridge and 7950 again he won this) it will encourage him to get off is backside! I've even tried to get him to come out running and cycling with but not a chance lol
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Think he be in his late 20's by the time he will really need a new PC with that. lol

I'm about to upgrade to a i5/7 from a Q6660 soon and that should last for 5 or so years for me. :(
 
I did a scan for local unsecured networks and there aren't any, I would also never search his computer, I think everyone has a right to their privacy (even my lazy son)

I've always tried to get him to have the kind of childhood I had (mid 70's to mid 80's) we would be out all day till after dark building dens, climbing, football, exploring and as we got older - girls! But since he was little he's gravitated towards gaming and played CS from the beginning. I know I'm largely to blame for buying him his computers and consoles at such an early age and if I could turn the clock back I wouldn't have.

I've tried to balance his gaming when he was younger by taking him to football training, swimming and out to parks etc. but he'd never do any of these under his own steam and would often complain about it!

My advice to any new or would be fathers would be - never let them have their own computer, laptop or console in their own room and restrict their time on any device they might have access to like family computer or console. As much as I enjoy gaming and gadgets now I'm so glad I had my childhood and not his.

IronWarrior - you'd think that but despite him turning down the res and using low settings he's always complaining of low fps!
 
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Rroff said:
Technically hes an adult - checking his PC without his permission even under those circumstances is tredding dodgy ground.
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True, although I'm not sure if it's been clarified weather or not it's actually his pc. Probably easier to just unplug the router while he's online and see if there's any reaction
 
ExRayTed said:
I have 2 sons; 18 and 20. The first thing you need to understand is you are his parent, not his friend. He may not like you all the time, especially if he doesn't agree with your decisions. Learn to live with it. Secondly, never, ever threaten something you will not carry out.

My sons both pushed the limits. They were warned - either manage this yourselves or I will. They failed to manage it. Firstly they were punished by no internet access for a period of time for putting me into the position where I had to step in. Secondly I placed restrictions on the router and actively checked the traffic logs.

Any teenager with enough know-how can get round these systems of course. But to do so without leaving the evidence is not worth the hassle involved. They knew that if they tried the restrictions would get more severe. I would if needed take the hard drives out of their machines, take away power cables, take the router to work etc. Whatever I threatened would happen, would actually happen.

Now I'm not holding myself up as the high watermark of parenting - far from it. But kids (and yes, at 19 they are still effectively kids) need to know who is in charge. It has nothing to do with being 'fair' because nothing short of total capitulation will be fair in their eyes. They need to understand that you hold all the power and will not be afraid to use it. Keep the 'nuclear' options back for when you really need them as those options leave nothing to go to should they not work. He will either tow the line or leave. The fight won't be pretty, but you will win. And he will (eventually) respect you for it.
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Damn, if this was me I'd go rent a room lol.
 
Doogles said:
Damn, if this was me I'd go rent a room lol.
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Hehe - would it surprise you to know that we have a very good relationship? Whilst I certainly make mistakes I've always tried to be firm but fair. The eldest is at university but comes home every holiday and the youngest boy is planning to stay at home for another 8 years saving (he's got a full time job).

The fact the wife stands by whatever I do and say is a great help of course. We do disagree, but never in front of them. United we stand divided we fall etc etc :D
 
This is a bit tricky, i'm not a parent but I know what it's like to have my internet taken away when i was younger, or computer, or console or whatever taken away as punishment...

This i believe is more complicated than simple discipline. something my parents didn't understand - and still don't really. Which is why i can't ever live with my parents.

1st of all human beings have certain hormones that trigger responses of joy happiness, stress etc etc. Ultimately in this day and age we are all addicted to 1 chemical called dopamine.

1 of 4 chemicals:
endorphins - chemical to mask physical pain (runner's high)
dopamine - reward system chemical (highly addictive eg nicotine/alcohol/phones)
serotonin - pride and status
oxytocin - the love chemical (friendships/relationships/giving)

dopamine has the effect of the reward feeling - the feeling that you get for completing something or aspire to attain something. (example: the feeling you get when you cross off something on a list is a shot of dopamine. The want of that chocolate is the feeling of dopamine and again when you eat it)

Practically everything in our life now is manipulating our dopamine. Games in particular are designed to trigger our dopamine to keep playing. This is why games are "addictive".

Children and adults upto mid 20's don't have the ability to control that dopamine, which is why parents "control" their children until they are grown up.

2ndly
I had no idea of what i wanted to do in life. I'm the type that is extremely intelligent both mentally and physically but my parents never really enabled my abilities to develop (reason is much longer and won't bore you with that)

Therefore your kid might also not know what he wants to do. Which makes me ask a question for you:

What are you doing to help your child?

all i see is you're telling him he's lazy and not actually taking the time to help develop him in his own strengths and abilities - not control him but support what he likes to do. With games you can short circuit a choice and find out if he wants to do computing as his career.
 
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