I decided to give the house a good clean today and thought I'd start with the livingroom seeing as I've been glued to the settee ever since my girlfriend and I split up last week. There was the usual crisp packets and toffee crisp wrappers on the floor with the occasional pizza box and beer bottles for that extra 'singleness' look 
A couple of nights ago I'd had enough of takeaway food and made a rather tasty sausage casserole but realised that I'd run out of plates so I decided to eat it straight from the pot. It was the pot lying on the floor that gave me a kick up the arse that I needed to get myself back on track ... so I started cleaning.
Soon everything was looking tickity boo and all I really needed to do was to empty the pot out. I decided to dump it in the toilet and had just finished pouring it out when the doorbell went. I ran downstairs, popped the pot in the sink and opened the door. It was a man who'd come to look at the leaky garage ceiling I'd reported a few days ago.
I invited him in and was glad that I'd given the place the ol' once over and asked if he'd like a cuppa.
Anyroad, we got chatting and he'd finished looking at the ceiling and asked if he could use the loo before he nipped away.
"Sure buddy", I said. "Upstairs first on the left".
A few seconds go by and I hear this god awful wretching noise coming from the loo followed by the bathroom taps running
He came down the stairs and apologised for the mess that he'd made as he'd barfed in the bath and on the floor but had tidied it up
It turned out he'd pulled his breeks down to have a dump, lifted up the toilet pan and seen what he thought was the remains of someone who had dropped their entire contents of their arse all over the side of the pan and covering the bottom
It had apparently caught him by surprise and made him wretch like a good un'. He didn't have time to pull his breeks back up before he was sick which left me in stitches.
I scored out of it too as I'm now getting the carpets cleaned for free into the bargain
Back 'o' the net
A couple of nights ago I'd had enough of takeaway food and made a rather tasty sausage casserole but realised that I'd run out of plates so I decided to eat it straight from the pot. It was the pot lying on the floor that gave me a kick up the arse that I needed to get myself back on track ... so I started cleaning.
Soon everything was looking tickity boo and all I really needed to do was to empty the pot out. I decided to dump it in the toilet and had just finished pouring it out when the doorbell went. I ran downstairs, popped the pot in the sink and opened the door. It was a man who'd come to look at the leaky garage ceiling I'd reported a few days ago.
I invited him in and was glad that I'd given the place the ol' once over and asked if he'd like a cuppa.
Anyroad, we got chatting and he'd finished looking at the ceiling and asked if he could use the loo before he nipped away.
"Sure buddy", I said. "Upstairs first on the left".
A few seconds go by and I hear this god awful wretching noise coming from the loo followed by the bathroom taps running
He came down the stairs and apologised for the mess that he'd made as he'd barfed in the bath and on the floor but had tidied it up
It turned out he'd pulled his breeks down to have a dump, lifted up the toilet pan and seen what he thought was the remains of someone who had dropped their entire contents of their arse all over the side of the pan and covering the bottom
It had apparently caught him by surprise and made him wretch like a good un'. He didn't have time to pull his breeks back up before he was sick which left me in stitches.I scored out of it too as I'm now getting the carpets cleaned for free into the bargain
Back 'o' the net
![[FnG]magnolia](/styles/overclockers/avatars/9.png){kind=avatar}
I couldn't stop laughing though as I could see his eyes were all watery from the wretching and he kept getting the dry heave thinking about it.