I changed my mind about the loos at work

This thread is just awesome. Definitelya man-only thread though! Them women just wouldn't understand!

I can happily say I have never crapped at school, college, work or in any other public toilet. I never plan on doing so either. It's just wrong.
 
I worked at the MoD in Main Building a couple of years ago. They'd spent years and millions of pounds doing it up and it was very nice. The toilets were great, loads of legs room and never out of paper. You had to go 1st thing in the morning though cos if you left it till lunctime-ish it looked like a war zone! There would be toilet paper all over the floor and it stank terrible. I'm not talking about a couple of loose sheets here, more like a couple of metres strewn around!! What the hell do people do in there? Did they have to wrestle with it? I can't imagine what the cleaners thought either.

I reckon it must have been the civvies cos they never got in before 9 and the toilets were nice and clean till then!
 
Try going for a log in Cuba, the cubicles are half height, so you can sit there and talk to your "neighbour" and see him straining :eek: Not pleasent :)
 
Great thread.

I'm one of those people who believe poohing should be done in complete privacy. I don't want people to hear or smell me giving birth to a brown monster and I certainly don't want to hear or smell others, ugh :( Unfortunately sometimes you just have to resort to using the stalls or public loos.

In the various places I've worked I've experienced some nasty things, most of which has been mentioned already by others. However, I'll never forget my last place of work where someone, who obviously had a dodgy stomach, didn't quite make it all the way to loo and proceeded to crap all over the floor, we are not talking about 1 lump here. Needless to stay it wasn't a pleasant sight or smell and the toilets were closed for 2 days.

Where I work now there is 1 stall in the Gents bogs which I never use because it's side on to the rest of the rest room, so you can see exactly who is in there when you're going for a slash, I now use the Disabled toilet. With it being a private room I know I can pooh in comfort with no threat of people walking in mid-strain. It's like taking a dump at home, except you have rails to hold on to should you need extra stability. Disabled toilets are the ****! :p
 
I had the unfortunate experience of being caught short at a job interview with BT. I made the mistake of asking to use the loo. They led me down the stairs and pushed me in a room that resembled something from a Dickens novel. Seriously it made the Trainspotting toilet look inviting. There was no way of using that without catching some deadly disease.

I made my excuses and left holding it. Worse of all I suffer with irratable bowel syndrome so holding it for long wasn't an option. I got back in the car and searched the glovebox for a toilet roll substitute. I found some old Macdonalds paper towels and decided they would have to do. Drove about a mile and a half at about 80mph into a country lane and stopped and did the nastey. Surprised me how pleasent returning to nature felt even though the paper cut me to ribbons. Still anything was better than that toilet, still have nightmares about it.
 
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1. Toilets at work: They built a new office with enviro-toilets. When the gents have finished at the urinal and washes his hands, the water level drops and the toilets flush themselves. Needless to say the majority of blokes didn't wash their hands and very quickly on the place smelt of unflushed wee.

2. My bowels denied the chance to lose my virginity. The night hadn't planned out like that, but ended up at a girls house. I had planned to be back on the crapper shortly after dropping her off. I felt one brewing and had a magazine to thumb through back at my parents gaff. Change of scenery and I'm getting some hand on clam action and my bowels are getting internally gassy. Her housemates have gone to bed and her house in echo-y. I take a trip upstairs to her loo and take a leak. The goddamn toilet doesn't flush. My head and my bowels get heavier. Seriously, if I had dropped my trousers to her, something long and turgid would have been shown to her, but it wouldn't have been Mr Happy. To cut a slightly longer story short, it didn't happen that night...

3. I could never use the bogs at school to take a dump. Kids used to be facinated and peer over the top or under the door to see what was going on. At university, I learnt to defacate in public loos. It's not doing your body any good when you hold it in. That's toxic material trying to get out. Sort your diets out and you will poo freely and not produce some monsterous gassy bio-mass.

Hats tipped to J-69 for this thread.. 5 stars..
 
I remember years ago that I worked in a place where the supervisor was obsessed with smelling the toilet after you came out. As soon as you were back at your desk he would fly in there and come out and announce in a loud voice whether you had pooed or weed.

Once he he even tanoyed the whole building that someone had been out for a curry the night before. He was a serious sicko
 
dannyjo22 said:
Get a lot of that here too. Really sad and pathetic as the toilet roll is inches away.

Worst I've ever had though is pulling the roll off a dispenser and some low life had wiped his arse on the roll and fed it back into the dispenser.

Was not a happy bunny that day.
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LMAO.....unlucky!

This is the funniest thread ever on these forums!
 
The worst toilet mess ive ever seen was in january i was in spain at this water park and i couldnt find the changing rooms so i thought i would change in the toilet cubicle. Jesus christ ive never seen so much poo it must have come out of more than one person it was touching the toilet seat :eek: The bad thing was it wasnt a long poo it was like porridge so it must have been like 10 pints of poo to fill a bowl up like that.

The toliets at work are great nice and clean and my poo is always timed when the cleaners have just finished. We occasionaly have a phantom pooer its not the same as having a phantom poo u know what i mean, when u have a poo and u have a look and its gone and u wipe your ass and it leaves no trace??? But anyway theres a phantom pooer who just poos to block up the toilet for the hell of it and hes got some weird trademark of having toilet roll all round the seat?
 
I have never laughed at a thread so much. 5*

Where does the term laying cable come from?

I thought I was weird but turns out everyone thinks about the same things...I am relieved.
 
We have ten traps in one block of toilets. Out of 10, only 4 have lockable doors (The locks have snapped off), out of these 4, only 2 actually have a working striplight above them, 1 is in semi darkness, and 1 is in complete darkness. The walls are stained nicotine yellow and the tiles are falling off the wall. Of course, the toilets in the offices are GLEAMING, even the apprentices have better bogs than us.

But at least the bog roll isnt made from old crisp packets.
 
Forget using toilets other than your own. I went into some toilets yesterday;

Toilet one had a yellow decoration on the seat - Adults do this? Why?

Toilet two had everything still inside it - Was it that hard to flush?

Third one had a greeting in brown on the seat - What do people get out of this?

To top it off, I obviously left the place and did not use them but as I went out someone walked in...probably thought I did it all? :S

The level of unhygienic people disgusts me, clean yourself and think of others!
 
the most rancid toilets ever of either on trains or at i-series events (what could be worse than 1000 boys or men with the mental age of boys all using the same bogs...and to make it worse the boys usually cant hold their drink or have poor personal hygiene to start with!!)
 
Worst ever toilets I have been in was at the old Wembley Stadium. Whenever I went there with Utd, the toilets were consistentley full with pee running down the stairs to the lower section. You can imagine the smell on a hot and humid day in May.
 
Worst toilet I've seen has to be when I was working on an excavation overseas where the toilet was a hole in the ground. I think that a lot of people must have had bad stomachs as what I witnessed in that hole looked like something that had come out of an elephant with diarrhoea who'd been fed curry all week - heaven help anyone who slipped (it was a rather large hole and they would have been in it up to their neck).
 
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