In the wrong?

chrislocalboy

chrislocalboy

chrislocalboy

Associate
Joined
21 Feb 2006
Posts
330
Location
Stoke on Trent
Afternoon people

I'm very emotionally confused at the moment, I live happily with my fiancee in our first home which we bought in April of last year. Everything is good apart from the normal tiffs and huffs I imagine 99% of couples do.

I recently started speaking to a female colleague at work (after fixing her computer... its my job!) and exchanging emails etc etc, we got talking and it come out that she fancied me.... although I already knew this months ago as a friend of hers told me and I have to admit I think she is very attractive and if I were not in a relationship would have asked her out a long time ago.... I've told her this and she said the same as she is also in a relationship and its now come to the point that we have both said we would love the oppurtunity to explore these feelings more but obviously we cannot.

Now I cant help but feel like I want something to happen with her.... although I would never ever cheat or go behind the back of my fiancee, this would break every rule I live by as I love her very much...... am I doing wrong here as I kind of feel guilty??

I actually leave the company in another week and feel I will miss this new friend and will have to never speak to her again.... thing is I still want to...... only as friends, I'd simply like to get to know her better but feel I would be doing something wrong if I stayed in touched with her and maybe exchanged the odd text and am worried my fiancee would get the wrong idea.

Any thoughts or people who maybe have experienced a similair thing replying would be great.

Thanks

Chris
 
I wouldnt say my feelings have changed towards her as I lover her very much but we've been together for 2 and a half years now.... things have slowed down as to speak..... but that happens in all relationships......... love is whats left behind when the lust has passed in my opinion, the pysical need has passed but the emotional one remains...... if you know what I mean :confused:

Yoiur right about the tempting fate thing, although I'm a strong person and would disgust myself if I every did anything wrong and because of that am sure I would never cheat...... but I understand what your saying, temptation is a ***** and I've never been in a situation similar so have never been 'tested' as such.
 
Last edited:
If you cant trust yourself being around her, then you know what to do! Your relationship with your fiancee comes first.

IMO The grass may look greener, but its probably not.
 
chrislocalboy said:
I wouldnt say my feelings have changed towards her as I lover her very much but we've been together for 2 and a half years now.... things have slowed down as to speak..... but that happens in all relationships......... love is whats left behind when the lust has passed in my opinion, the pysical need has passed but the emotional one remains...... if you know what I mean :confused:

Yoiur right about the tempting fate thing, although I'm a strong person and would disgust myself if I every did anything wrong and because of that am sure I would never cheat...... but I understand what your saying, temptation is a b*tch and I've never been in a situation similar so have never been 'tested' as such.
Click to expand...

Bare in mind this is just my thoughts as how i see it.

your just after a new bout of lust from this new women as you feel its past from you current relationship. Maybe you should forget this women totally as the temptation will be there if you continue seeing her, contacting etc and try to put what you are pursuing into your current relationship.
 
My advice would be this:

When you really REALLY feel enough about someone that you want to marry them, then you shouldn't BE in this situation. There's a difference between recognising someone's an attractive person, and actually having feelings for them. If you have feelings for this new person, then IMO you shouldn't neccessarily be with your current fiancee. When I was engaged (before I was left), I could never ever see myself with another person. That's again not to say that I didn't think things like "She's nice" or so forth, but actually wanting to do anything with them never crossed my mind.
 
Dreadi said:
Bare in mind this is just my thoughts as how i see it.

your just after a new bout of lust from this new women as you feel its past from you current relationship. Maybe you should forget this women totally as the temptation will be there if you continue seeing her, contacting etc and try to put what you are pursuing into your current relationship.
Click to expand...

Yeah I was thinking something along those lines myself, I reckon the grass WILL NOT be greener but..... its dead weird I wish i kind of had 2 lives to watch so I could see what were to happen. That might sound weird but thats how I feel........ typical really, I was single for best part of 2 years and could not find anyone interested!!!

There like buses, you wait ages for one and then 2 or 3 come along lol!
 
chrislocalboy said:
Oh and thanks for the replies guys, keep em coming.

Does anyone think I've actually done anything wrong or am currently doing wrong with this situation?
Click to expand...


Yes, like I said, if you hold this new person in the same stead as your fiancee, you don't deserve to be with your fiance.

Sorry for bluntness perhaps, but that's my views
 
Could be an underlying want to leave your fiancee or scaredness? of commitment maybe.

End of the day (i hate saying that) this is down to you and you alone. do you really want to take the chance, break 2 relationships up and a future wedding to take the risk on someone else? You have got to ask yourself how much your future wife means to you becuase as said above, if this other women is kept on par with your girl, you don't deserve to be with her. Either way theres no best of both worlds
 
I've got to agree with badgermonkey on this one, if you're feeling like this after only 2 1/2 years, then in my opinion the future is looking pretty bleak.

However, if you want to try and stick it out with your fiance, you've been given the perfect get out card, when you leave the company, lose contact with this other woman, otherwise she will always be there in the back of your mind.

Just my 2c.
 
badgermonkey said:
Yes, like I said, if you hold this new person in the same stead as your fiancee, you don't deserve to be with your fiance.

Sorry for bluntness perhaps, but that's my views
Click to expand...

I'm not sure what you mean by holding her in the same stead, I dont.... I hardly know the girl.... she could turn out to be a weirdo or a bunny boiler etc etc but I couldnt say.

To add to my confusion......... this is a little close to home but over Christmas my fiancee basically had a smooch with another guy, who works at the same place as her but does not work near her if you know what I mean. I found this out as I saw a message on her phone after she came home from the party drunk. I went completely nuts, but she was devastated and still to this day if I bring it up cannot explain her actions and cant believe she did it she cant really recall what lead to it and swears on her life there was nothing in it, I wanted to kill this guy naturally and she made a point of sending him a message saying she was drunk, it was a mistake and that I knew etc etc and basically she never wanted to speak to him again and removed the number from her phone etc and that he's lucky she managed to stop me directing my fury at him as basically I wanted to kill him and then let his girlfriend know. I'm still struggling with this in my mind and often it pops into my head and I get all down in the dumps and moody with my fiancee, when it happened I was ready to kick her out and wanted to punish her...... but then realised that maybe she was on some sub-concious level she was seeking attention that maybe she was not and should have been getting from me, I've changed a lot since this incident and am working hard at ironing out the little niggles we have with each other.

Now I'm telling myself that this has nothing to do with the way I'm feeling but I cant help but wonder if it actually is?

Cheers

Oh and Badger, no need to say sorry mate.... its your opinion and I'm thankful you shared it with me
 
Last edited:
chrislocalboy said:
I'm not sure what you mean by holding her in the same stead, I dont.... I hardly know the girl.... she could turn out to be a weirdo or a bunny boiler etc etc but I couldnt say.
Click to expand...


My point therefore is you need to ask youself, why would you consider leaving someone who you are intending to devote your life to, to risk it all on someone you say you hardly know?
 
badgermonkey said:
My point therefore is you need to ask youself, why would you consider leaving someone who you are intending to devote your life to, to risk it all on someone you say you hardly know?
Click to expand...

Ahhh get you....... slight mis-communication........ I'm under no circumstances considering leaving my fiancee....... basically boils down to me being confused by everything and perhaps wanting something I know I cannot allow myself to have.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom