The Lord came to Noah in the year 2016. Earth was
wicked and overpopulated. The Lord instructed Noah to build
an ark and save two of every living thing along with a few
good humans. Here's the blueprint," said the Lord. "Hurry.
In six months I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40
nights.
Six months later the rain came down. The Lord looked down
and saw Noah weeping in his flooded yard -- and no ark.
"Noah," He roared, "Where's my ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "Things have changed. I
needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim
that I have violated the zoning laws by building the ark in
my yard and the height limitation is being exceeded.
We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then Transport and the Department of Highways and
Hydro One wanted a bond posted for the future costs of moving
power, trolley and other overhead obstructions to clear the
passage for the ark's move to the sea. I argued the sea would
be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of this.
"Getting wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting
local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to
convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to
save the owls. No go! I gathered the animals, but then I
got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted I was
confining wild animals against their will. As well, they
argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was
cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in so confined
a space.
"Environment decided that I could not build the ark
without filing an environmental impact statement on your
proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint
with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm
supposed to hire for my building crew. The trade unions
want me to hire only union trades people with ark building
experience. To make matters worse, Customs and
Revenue Agency seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying
to leave the country illegally and with endangered species.
So, forgive me Lord, but it would take at least 10 years to
finish this ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared and the sun began to shine. A
rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder.
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" he asked.
"No," said the Lord, "your government already has!"