Did you find a job there before or after you moved?
Im seriously considering leaving the UK as well, to any country in the EU really, but have 0 clue how to find an English speaking job abroad, especially if can't speak the local language!
it's all downhill from here...?
- Thread starter throwaway4372
- Start date
Im seriously considering leaving the UK as well, to any country in the EU really, but have 0 clue how to find an English speaking job abroad, especially if can't speak the local language!
I found a job before I left. Funnily enough it was through here
A member posted in the job section, we talked and 6 weeks later I was there.I have had a few jobs since then and I still cant speak any of the local languages but I find all my jobs through LinkedIn.
Contract roles at least lets you jump around a bit without damage to the CV and you've had one good workplace right?
So maybe do some 6-month contracts and in the next couple of years perhaps you find another employer/team you like and in the meantime, as a contractor, you're not really as invested in any office politics or other shenanigans - you're not competing for promotions with the salaried people, you're just there to get **** done and get paid.
Lastly, maybe try something like toastmasters - maybe there are some in-person social skills you can improve that could help a bit, it's not too late to make a few changes and perhaps that will both help in your personal life and with coping better in some work environments.
Caporegime
Have you thought of training into something else. Maybe even taking equity out of your house to help pay for it? You have done well to get yourself financially stable so you can in theory now go and do whatever you want?
I am in a very similar position to yourself. I had a really comfortable job and whilst I didn't enjoy it the team and people I worked with were fantastic so that is where I got the job satisfaction from. I worked there 13 years and most of us had 10+ years experience and it worked well. Come 2019 next thing you know we lost a major contract of over 20 years and the place is closed down by the end of 2020. Jumped around for a few years but hated the majority of my work colleagues who were all out of their depth compared to what I was used too and the mess most of the places I was in. The industry I was in the good jobs were dead mans shoes so every job I landed had extremely high staff turnover because you jumped straight into a war zone. It was depressing.
I retrained as a lorry driver as I just needed a exit and have actually been loving the job ever since. What I do not love is underappreciation by the vast majority of people and the pay for what is quite frankly a dangerous job with long hours. What it has done is opened my eyes to what is available and how quickly you can change your career if you want to.
I am in a similar position to yourself in my life too. 38 years old and my mortgage is basically paid off. I am in the process of getting myself ready to embark on training for something similar to lorry driving but on a much larger scale
. I have my initial medical booked for the 1st August and if I pass that then I will be taking equity out of my house as I will need 60k for training but in 2-3 years time I will be doing a dream job that will have the salary and respect to go with it.If you can find something to retrain in that will allow you to be closer to your mother and do something you will actually enjoy then just go for it.
Last edited:
Caporegime
That is the plan but it will all be down to my medical. I am fit but you never know. When I had my medical for my HGV everything was fine although they test you more thorough for flight.
Man of Honour
I met my wife at 38, and started a brand new career at 39 - so I wouldn't be so quick to write yourself off.
I had a very different outlook to you though; I didn't see myself as "needing to turn things around" or anything along those lines. In fact the last thing I was looking for at that point was a serious relationship.
To be honest, @dlockers is probably about right - you need to talk to someone, because this all sounds very much driven by your internal thoughts which don't appear very helpful or optimistic. I'm not suggesting go full life coach and buy a tonne of self improvement books, but an external perspective from a professional who's well placed to discuss things with you might not be the worst idea in the world. Give it a go.
I had a very different outlook to you though; I didn't see myself as "needing to turn things around" or anything along those lines. In fact the last thing I was looking for at that point was a serious relationship.
To be honest, @dlockers is probably about right - you need to talk to someone, because this all sounds very much driven by your internal thoughts which don't appear very helpful or optimistic. I'm not suggesting go full life coach and buy a tonne of self improvement books, but an external perspective from a professional who's well placed to discuss things with you might not be the worst idea in the world. Give it a go.
Associate
A bit similar to me actually. I walked away from a very good career a few years ago because of similar reasons. I also don't have wife/gf/kids which I guess helped in my decision.
My mum is getting on a bit and has a few health issues, but she lives in a sleepy town in Suffolk where there are no jobs in the field I was working in for most of my life. My previous career had me working long hours which made travelling up to see her a bit of a nightmare and to be honest the whole thing was getting me down. Almost felt guilty to be honest.
Two years ago I bit the bullet, left my old career and took a pants local job but to be honest I felt much better for it, more motivated to make things work. I'm going to start retraining soon as well.
Yeah i took a pretty big pay cut to do this but if im honest I feel so much better in myself. I'm also finding more time to spend on hobbies I love.
If you are feeling that down about it I would honestly make the move and spend more time with your mum, even if its like how ive had to do it with finding a crappy job while you figure things out. Honestly it's the best thing I have done even though friends think I'm crazy walking away from my previous job.
Man of Honour
I forgot to mention in my reply - I've felt like this twice in my 26 years of working, and both times I did something about it - ie I left.
I don't regret either time - everyone gets rough patches in work, or weeks, even months where it isn't fun.
But if you get real work dread, that sick or worried feeling, on a daily basis for more than a couple of weeks then unless it's something fixed term like a particularly stressful project then I firmly believe the right thing to do is to get out.
I had this experience a couple of months ago and when I phoned my boss to talk through things and hand my notice in, I felt immediately relieved - it was like an overnight change in my personality.
Last edited:
Caporegime
Did the same thing myself back in 2021. HR had to have a meeting with me before speaking with my bosses as my notice wasn't very nice. Those last three months were fantastic however! Especially as I timed it so I left during peak summer at the end of July!
I had no job lined up or anything but quickly sorted myself out with one and a way out too. I think people get too worried. I was much like that myself for far too long. The market is out there if you want it.
Soldato
Time with family is time well spent. When she is gone, she's gone and you dont' want to live with regret.
Contracts are great when you’re confident that you can do whatever the role will bring.
As I’ve got older I find the upper older staff less flexible, less risk orientated (they don’t have the time to tend to it).
Another thing with contracts is that you can negotiate to have two parallel contracts - with defined time allotted to both. This is great because you can either stop it from being boring or elect to spend more time with family etc.
I spent years coding and looking back I found that it does distract from life and family.
You need to box the development but the common expectation is to burnout the devs because they’re replacable. So as a dev you endup doing long hours.
Associate
Has anyone mentioned the possibility of depression yet? May be worth trying to get assessed for this if you're not managing to find joy in things.
Very good point.
I hit a point when development (including delivery) held nothing new, at that point switching to pre-sales for the products I developed was a great step forward followed by product management.
Feel same as the OP. But in a different position.
I keep thinking I ended up in the wrong job. Mainly by being smart but passive.
Problem is the salary trap and the job isn't bad enough to jack it in.
I have a mortgage etc but if I didn't I'd seriously be tempted to go contract. I still am really. Or find a job with more time off. That's what I really want.
Or make more use of WFH. Ie, work from a van on the road going to new places etc. Not permanently. The novelty would wear off.
Its really really easy to follow the easiest path. Get a job, get a house, have some kids, pay off the mortgage, retire, die with regrets.
Its really hard to "emigrate" or "change career". Especially of its a step down. The salary trap is quite the ball and chain.
Last edited:
Soldato
- Joined
- 21 Apr 2007
- Posts
- 6,609
Where are you living?I found a job before I left. Funnily enough it was through here
I have had a few jobs since then and I still cant speak any of the local languages but I find all my jobs through LinkedIn.
I think i'm going to end up doing this, need few more years of software eng under belt I think and then consider it.
In Switzerland, hopefully by the time you get more experience the job market would have improved.
I enjoyed contracting. Gained lots of experience fast, constant new things. Only left it because needed more stability. Startups were also a lot of fun when you're younger..
I'm much older now and really feeling the salary and stability trap. Not as easily suckered by corporate promises.
For me it's kind of opposite. I don't need as much as I used to. I have a big buffer of savings if I was out of work for ages.
All bills are manageable
No lease car,
Mortgage isn't too bad.
No interest accruing debts.
No kids/childcare commitments.
Really. I could get by on 1k a month if I lived hand to mouth paying my share of the bills (mortgage, utilities etc)
I think you might just simply need to find a decent job. You sound like you are of the age where you had a decent run with a decent job, then got other ones that just weren't good places. I mostly have always found new jobs quite refreshing, especially in the honeymoon period of it being a new challenge. If you didn't even get that, then maybe you just need to keep trying and you might find something more inspiring or suited to you.
Look at trying contracting too. Less politics and emotional baggage which may suit your mindset.
On a more personal level, I think you need to focus on the positives. You are doing well financially and therefore can do so much. You are much freer than a lot of people. I would aim to keep as busy and as sociable as possible. Take on new challenges and don't live to work. Work to live. Ensure you do enrich your life outside of work.
Above all else.... it's just a job. Don't let it define you or your behaviour. Try to learn to switch off from job world at the end of each day.