Joke Time.
- Thread starter ChoÞÞer
- Start date
Associate
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- 3 Jan 2006
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- 2,073
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- Bishopsworth, Bristol
Might be borderline, but if you think it's wrong, I will remove.
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Little Timmy was sat in class when the teachers askes, 'Can anyone in the class string a sentence together with the word, 'Contagious'.. anyone?'.
A girl on the other said of the room answered, 'My Mum said that when I had Chicken Pox, I was contagious'. 'Well done!', said the teacher.
Little timmy then said, 'I have one miss! My Dad and I were watching the next door neighbour paint his house the other day. He was doing it with a 1" brush. My Dad said it will take that contagious'.
__________________________________________________
Little Timmy was sat in class when the teachers askes, 'Can anyone in the class string a sentence together with the word, 'Contagious'.. anyone?'.
A girl on the other said of the room answered, 'My Mum said that when I had Chicken Pox, I was contagious'. 'Well done!', said the teacher.
Little timmy then said, 'I have one miss! My Dad and I were watching the next door neighbour paint his house the other day. He was doing it with a 1" brush. My Dad said it will take that contagious'.
Enjoy, (I am aware it has been around the internet for a while).
Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead
chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all
travelling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent
incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the
windshields.
American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the
windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and
a gun was sent to the American engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken
hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed
it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the
engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the
cabin like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the
experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the
British scientists for suggestions.
You're going to love this......
Rolls Royce responded with the following one-line memo:
"Defrost the chicken."
Scientists at Rolls Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead
chickens at the windshields of airliners and military jets all
travelling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent
incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the
windshields.
American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the
windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and
a gun was sent to the American engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken
hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed
it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the
engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the
cabin like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the
experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the
British scientists for suggestions.
You're going to love this......
Rolls Royce responded with the following one-line memo:
"Defrost the chicken."
And we have it in writing too..how foolish.
Caporegime
- Joined
- 28 Jun 2007
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- Location
- Tamworth, UK
Make it stop 
Soldato
- Joined
- 15 Aug 2007
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- Location
- Outside in the bushes
NEVAR
You asked for it:
A leprechaun was sitting in a bar, pounding back beers. After half a dozen drinks, he walked over to a guy sitting at a table, and tapped him on the shoulder. The guy turned around and "Pshhhhhhh!" The leprechaun spits a huge load in his face. The guy figured that the leprechaun was drunk, so he ignored him.
The leprechaun drinks 5 more beers, and went back over to the same guy. He turned around and "Pshhhhh!" The leprechaun spits in his face again. This time the guy got ******, but he kept his cool. He decided to go sit on a stool across from a mirror so he can watch his back.
The leprechaun went back up to the bar and drinks more beers. He walked over to the same guy and was about to tap him on the shoulder when the man grabbed him. "Hey!" he yelled, "If you do that again, I'll cut off your dick!"
"Leprechauns don't have dicks!" he smirked.
"Then I'll cut off your balls!"
"Leprechauns don't have balls!" he laughed.
The man looks confused, "Well how the Hell do you ****?"
The Leprechaun smiled, "Pshhhhh!"
After having dug to a depth of 10 metres last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug to a depth of 20 metres, and shortly after, headlines in the UK newspapers read: 'English archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Scots.'
One week later, The Kerryman, a southwest Irish newsletter, reported the following: 'After digging as deep as 30 metres in peat bog near Tralee, Paddy O'Droll, a self taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Paddy has therefore concluded that 300 years ago Ireland had already gone wireless.
Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug to a depth of 20 metres, and shortly after, headlines in the UK newspapers read: 'English archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Scots.'
One week later, The Kerryman, a southwest Irish newsletter, reported the following: 'After digging as deep as 30 metres in peat bog near Tralee, Paddy O'Droll, a self taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Paddy has therefore concluded that 300 years ago Ireland had already gone wireless.
Soldato
- Joined
- 13 Mar 2006
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- 6,713
Two paedophiles on a beach. One of them says the other "Can you get out of my Sun".
Soldato
- Joined
- 29 Mar 2007
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- 3,827
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- Essex
got some lulz from me this time Where is you're effort? funny man.
Is this true????????????
Yes.
