joke

> > Colin the Aborigine.........

> > A rich man living in
Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party
> > and
> invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Colin, the
> only aborigine in the neighbourhood.
> >
> > He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
> > Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns,
oysters and BBQ
> and flirting. At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 15ft
> man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to
> anyone who has the balls to jump in.'
> >
> > The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash
> > and everyone turned around and saw Colin in the pool fighting the croc,

> jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing
> all kinds of stuff like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on
> the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of judo
> Instructor. The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Colin
> and the croc were screaming and raising hell. Finally Colin strangled
> the croc and let it float to the top like a dead goldfish.
> >
> > Colin then slowly climbed out of the pool.
> >
> > Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.
> >
> > The host says, 'Well, Colin, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.'
> >
> > 'Nah, you all right boss, I don't want it,' said Colin.
> >
> > The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the
> bet.
> How about half a million bucks then?'
> >
> > 'No thanks. I don't want it,' answered Colin.
> >
> > The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was
> amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?
> >
> > Again, Colin said "No."
> >
> > Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well Colin, then what do you want?
> >
> > Colin said,
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
'I want the ******* ******* who pushed me in.'
 
No idea why this made me laugh as these things usually don't..

After having a very pleasant 69 with his girlfriend, George remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid the Dentist would notice the smell of fanny on his breath, so he brushed his teeth, used dental floss, and also used a whole bottle of Listerine.

As he arrived at the Dentist he also ate a whole packet of extra strong mints.

His turn came up and the Dentist told him to take a seat in the chair. Feeling confident and relaxed he opened his mouth wide.

The Dentist got close and asked "So, you had a 69 before you came here
eh?"

George exasperated asked "How did you know? Does my breath still smell like fanny?"

The Dentist replied "No ... you have a skidmark on your forehead ....."​
 
Last edited:
I was walking down the High Street this afternoon, usually loads of women around, but not today. i thought to myself 'Where the **** have all the fit girls gone?', then I realized;

First day of school
Click to expand...

My girlfriend is a porn star.

She is going to be so annoyed when she finds out.
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
Platypus and Le Petit Lapin = funny stuff :D

what's the best thing about having sex with twentyfour year olds?

there's twenty of them!
 
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish.

The redhead went first. 'I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!' 'Okay,' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. 'I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!' And off she went. The blonde started crying and said, 'I wish my friends were back here!'
 
Two Blonde Essex Girls walk into a department store, they walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Debs sprays it on her wrist and smells it. "That's quite nice innit, don't you fink Trace"

"Yeah what's it called?"

"Viens a moi"

"VIENS A MOI, what does that mean?"

At this stage the assistant offers some help. "Viens a moi ladies is French for 'come to me'"

Debs takes another sniff and offers her arm to Tracey again saying "That doesn't smell like come to me, does that smell like come to you?"
 
simulatorman said:
Two Blonde Essex Girls walk into a department store, they walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Debs sprays it on her wrist and smells it. "That's quite nice innit, don't you fink Trace"

"Yeah what's it called?"

"Viens a moi"

"VIENS A MOI, what does that mean?"

At this stage the assistant offers some help. "Viens a moi ladies is French for 'come to me'"

Debs takes another sniff and offers her arm to Tracey again saying "That doesn't smell like come to me, does that smell like come to you?"
Click to expand...


a better version of the one I heard :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom