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- 5 Mar 2010
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- 572
- Location
- Eastbourne / Cape Town
what do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?
wipe it off and apologise
wipe it off and apologise
Jokes.
- Thread starter Edward78
- Start date
Associate
- Joined
- 5 Mar 2010
- Posts
- 572
- Location
- Eastbourne / Cape Town
My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings brought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood...
we discovered that when I am in a mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big ******* red mark on her forehead
we discovered that when I am in a mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big ******* red mark on her forehead
At an England training session, John Terry gets the ball and dribbles round Ashley Cole, Wellbeck, Ashley Young, Ferdinand and Richards.
Fabio Capello shakes his head and shouts: "Cones, John. I said dribble round the Cones".
I said to my doctor, "I've badly bruised my penis in a surfing accident."He said, "Did you fall off your board?"I said, "No, I had to slam my laptop shut rather quickly."
My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, "I don't need you now! I don't need you now!"
Guess who had to put the batteries in.
Fabio Capello shakes his head and shouts: "Cones, John. I said dribble round the Cones".
I said to my doctor, "I've badly bruised my penis in a surfing accident."He said, "Did you fall off your board?"I said, "No, I had to slam my laptop shut rather quickly."
My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, "I don't need you now! I don't need you now!"
Guess who had to put the batteries in.
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lol
Associate
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- 20 Nov 2011
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- 11
Grammar is important.
Capital letters are the difference betwen helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
Capital letters are the difference betwen helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
Jim Davidson called, wants to know if he can borrow your joke.
Who apparently live next door to an ephebophile who doesn't know what a paedophile is.
It's a good job you're on the case!
Ok, that one made me chuckle.
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- 12 May 2011
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- 435
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- Kilwinning, Scotland
That's the funniest thing is this thread, although to be strictly accurate maybe he is closer to a Hebephile
Just saying.
Two Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift.
He tells them that he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them. He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time... ... is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave.
The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back with the 20,000 bowling balls, will he take them, so he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down.
Sure enough PC Plod of Greater Manchester Police pulls him up for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies with sarcasm "Scouse eggs". The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it.
He rushes back to his cruiser and gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that he requires so many officers.
"I've got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and the b***ers have managed to nick a motorbike already."
He tells them that he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them. He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time... ... is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave.
The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back with the 20,000 bowling balls, will he take them, so he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down.
Sure enough PC Plod of Greater Manchester Police pulls him up for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies with sarcasm "Scouse eggs". The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it.
He rushes back to his cruiser and gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that he requires so many officers.
"I've got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and the b***ers have managed to nick a motorbike already."