Jokes.

It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3 kg. The length of the penis is three times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink twice as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand.

The woman has read this entire text. The man is still looking at his thumb.
 
It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3 kg. The length of the penis is three times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink twice as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand.

The woman has read this entire text. The man is still looking at his thumb.


glol :D
 
I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai girl. I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection."
But she did :(
 
A German arrives in Paris on Holiday. He hands his passport to a French Customs official, who in a disinterested fashion asks: "Occupation?" The German replies: "Nein, just visiting this time."
 
A young Portsmouth woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia, the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Australia."

"I see," the captain says.

Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Isle of Wight Ferry."
 
It's late fall and the Indians on the Northern Cheyenne Indian Reservation in Montana asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old ways. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea.

He got on the phone and called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'

'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the
meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'

'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a ****-load of firewood.' :D
 
Last night I told my mate that I've been shagging his wife. He looked me in the eyes and said, "Are you serious?" I said, "No, nothing like that, it's just sex."
 
A Lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little whoops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.

As she turns round, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her – Good looking as well!

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.

He politely greets the lady with, ‘Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?’ :p

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little “incident” she asks ‘what is the price of this lovely bracelet’?

He answers, “Madam – if you farted just looking at it, you’re going to **** yourself when I tell you the price"!
 
I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai girl. I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection."

But she did. :(
 
While taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He plunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!"
 
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