KILL IT WITH FIRE

Russinating · 17 Apr 2018 at 22:22

So, GD. It's what you've all been waiting for. A spider's nest.

We've got an outbuilding with our washer, dryer and a few other bits in and we've just totally had to abandon our washing load: three massive spiders, one medium spider and a few sprogs dotted about. Looks like there's some clumped webs which could be nests (?!?) underneath the guttering of the outbuilding.

On a serious note, I have never ever seen this many spiders in one place. Have I just been unlucky and seem on their "full moon of birth", and they'll have eaten each other by the morning?

And also, how do I kill all the *******? Genuinely asking seriously. I have a Kerscher power hose that should tear some legs off and get into all the nooks and crannies. Might have to buy a hazmat suit to go out in though to protect from flying body parts.

Help.

Malevolence · 17 Apr 2018 at 22:24

Or...

The_Abyss · 17 Apr 2018 at 22:24

Evacuate to the nearest estate agent where you should tell them that there's a burning house for sale.

Rannoch · 17 Apr 2018 at 22:26

Got a bigger one in the conservatory

Minibiker · 17 Apr 2018 at 22:28

Just had one in my bathroom inside a towel, Good job there was a toilet near as I **** myself, Horrible things!! The missus saved me though

Diddums x · 17 Apr 2018 at 22:31

Minibiker · 17 Apr 2018 at 22:32

^^^^ do you have any of them for sale bud, i'll need a hell of a lot before I go near a spider

timmeh · 17 Apr 2018 at 22:53

I almost grabbed a black widow last summer. I found that my flip flop was an effective tool to solve that problem.

I also found one hiding out in my hose reel and some spider spray fettled that one.

We did have a giant yellow orb weaver (this) hanging outside our old garage. My wife sprayed it with carpet cleaner (we'd moved out and it was the only thing we could find that may work) and it did nothing to it.

Hope this helps

Puzzled · 17 Apr 2018 at 22:58

It's like the final scenes from Arachnophobia, you need to find the spider queen in the basement!

Nugsy88 · 17 Apr 2018 at 23:05

I used to get 100+ baby spiders coming out of my ventilation into the flat at the start of summer, happened every year until I moved. Nothing to worry about just hoover them up! Although the wife couldn't be in the same room at the time!

adolf hamster · 17 Apr 2018 at 23:10

If you barricade the doors and seal them with duct tape then i can be over there tomorrow.

I'm thinking we start with the pressure, filled with hydrochloric acid of course to soften them up, then my 5 man team will breach and clear the biggest hostiles with their usas 12's then we follow on immediately with a good blasting from an m2 flamethrower.

From there we pressure wash the remains, plaster up the holes in the wall and i'd reccommend our latest uranium based paint- guaranteed to sterilise pretty much anything that stays longer than a day in there, plus it glows in the dark so you'll save a fortune in lighting bills.

That said it's an expensive extra, they banned that **** in the 50's and its hard to come by these days.

Minusorange · 17 Apr 2018 at 23:17

Russinating said:
And also, how do I kill all the *******?

You don't, you either let them keep your out house bug free or relocate them outside where they can find new homes, killing them is just needless when they're probably more scared of you than you are of them and they're not dangerous to any body

dcsarge · 17 Apr 2018 at 23:20

I say it is time for us to abandon Bristol as a lost cause. It can be renamed The Fallen City of the Spiders in aftermath of human civilisation.

This has nothing to do with me have to catch them all in our house despite my complete inability to touch one after years of trying. Holding a tarantula at Longleat doesn't count, as my desire to launch it into orbit was balanced out by near petrification :eek:

.

Hmmm, Minusorange is clearly under their influence already.

Whitewater · 17 Apr 2018 at 23:47

Minusorange said:
You don't, you either let them keep your out house bug free or relocate them outside where they can find new homes, killing them is just needless when they're probably more scared of you than you are of them and they're not dangerous to any body

This.

Yrkoon · 17 Apr 2018 at 23:59

is there a letter box? send them a clear message.

Malevolence · 18 Apr 2018 at 00:07

Yrkoon said:
is there a letter box? send them a clear message.

I'd suggest a trip to your GP if it's clear.

Yrkoon · 18 Apr 2018 at 00:25

Malevolence said:
I'd suggest a trip to your GP if it's clear.

touche touche

Angilion · 18 Apr 2018 at 00:51

I'm shocked by the lack of sensitivity to the environment in most of the previous suggestions. The correct method isn't harmful chemicals! It's the use of natural predators to deal with the problem in a manner that is in harmony with nature. So what you need is some bigger spiders.

Yrkoon · 18 Apr 2018 at 00:59

hmmm they abandoned the washing load because of big spiders and the solution is even bigger more scary spiders?

im out of this thread before big spider pics start, to be fair i do not see that amount of spiders so clearly and visible if i go in a garden shed and screw seeing that on a house extension with arachnaphobia

edit: release a load of the non threatening looking daddy longlegs spiders as the americans call them, they prey on large house spiders like them and have the bonus of been a lot smaller

Angilion · 18 Apr 2018 at 01:07

Yrkoon said:
hmmm they abandoned the washing load because of big spiders and the solution is even bigger more scary spiders?

There might have been a flaw in my suggestion.

I shall be more logical:

Predicate: Cats can sometimes catch spiders.
Predicate: These are big spiders.

Conclusion: You need big cats.

So the OP needs to buy a couple of tigers. Or lions.