Lady question - help needed
- Thread starter Alasdair
- Start date
You need to tell her what your concerns are regarding your future. It may be that even if she doesn't want to change herself that she would still be happy encouraging her children to be different.
Remember you are still young though, and that both of your opinions towards these things may change before you even get married.
Remember you are still young though, and that both of your opinions towards these things may change before you even get married.
Alasdair said:
The fruit and veg thing may come from her chldhood. Lots of parents dont encourrage their children to try new things. Children tend to turn their noses up at things that are good for them so it could be that she just has never liked them and hasnt been positivly encourraged to do so.
on the other hand her parent could have been too forceful with eaing her 'greens' and put her off for life. My friend parents did that to her. They made her sit at the table until all her veg had gone even when it had gone cold. she now hates most veg.
Whilst your motives seem genuine, your views seem a bit....distorted. It would be natural to have a concern for your partners welfare, but it seems your concerns are more down to something else. It sounds like (and if this is all wrong I apologise as I do not know your or your fiancee) you either have some issues yourself that you need to sort out, or if you are always going to feel like that you should find someone who has the same views on those things as you.
I couldn't even imagine that anything so trivial could stand in the way of me making a life with someone I really cared about. Personally if I had a friend that told me this I would advise them to speak to a counsellor or someone similar about it (even before speaking to your partner about it).
I couldn't even imagine that anything so trivial could stand in the way of me making a life with someone I really cared about. Personally if I had a friend that told me this I would advise them to speak to a counsellor or someone similar about it (even before speaking to your partner about it).
Muban said:
I'm fully aware of my distorted views. I think I'm just very self-confident, which can border on arrogance. I'm quite intelligent (this is fact, not just opinion), and I think this rubs off on other aspects of my life. I tend to value the opinion of others less than my own unless I consider them to be my intellectual equal. As for emotional intelligence, this is something I severely lack so I'm trying to remedy this - seemingly this can be learnt, so all is not lost for me yet.
I've been to a counsellor before (employee assistance programs are amazing if your company has one), but I can see myself regressing back to the way I used to be. Things were good for a while, but the whole exercise thing has re-ignited the whole 'I'm better than you' thing in my head. I'm working flat-out to try and resolve this, I honestly don't want to lose her but I think my opinions on things won't help in any fashion.